14 March 2021 (Sunday) - Working in the Garden

Sid didn’t start shouting until half past seven this morning, and he “did his stuff” outside. I saw that as a minor victory. Yesterday er indoors TM” showed me the “defrost” button on the toaster – that was less successful this morning.

I sat down with my defrosted warm bread and peered into the depths of the Internet. I saw I had a friend request on Facebook from Susi Jackson who told me she is a “bondage mistress” and had some rather racy photos on her Facebook page. I reported her to the Facebook Feds.

Four friends had birthdays today; all got a birthday message. And that was pretty much all that had happened on the Internet overnight, so I sat and played Candy Crush Soda Saga for a while – Fudge was asleep next to me and I didn’t want to disturb him.


Eventually I ran out of lives in the game, so I got dressed and went out into the garden to finish off the edging project. I had what I thought was a rather straightforward bit to do, but what I thought was straightforward wasn’t. The existing shingled bed was fifteen centimetres adrift from one end to the other. That took some serious sorting. And matters weren’t helped by my having a stroke of genius. The battery on my electric screwdriver is past its best, so I had this (frankly brilliant) idea to stick the screwdriver attachment thingy into where the drill goes on my electric drill. Let’s just say there wasn’t any blood, but that was more through luck than judgement.

After three hours I put the final plank in place. I knew that starting at both ends and aiming for the middle meant that I was going to have an odd gap to fill, and I did. Thirteen centimetres *was* an odd length but I managed to get that into a corner which I will hide with something from Whelan’s.

I seemed to have several odd measurements this morning. I suspect my spirit level’s having acquired a second bubble hasn’t helped.


I got er indoors TM” to do me some toast for dinner. Far be it from me to cast aspersions on her lovely new toaster, but is toast supposed to be floppy? As I scoffed floppy toast I got an email from the nice people at Credit Karma. My credit rating has gone down four points this week. I wonder why? Perhaps running up that vet bill didn’t help. Mind you that is all on credit – I’ve not actually paid it yet.


I then drove round to see “My Boy TM”. He wanted my ladder out of his way, and he had some garden ornaments he was going to chuck out. I had those !

Needing some shingle I went to B&Q only to find they didn’t have any, so I drove on to the garden centre instead. I got a huge trolley, set off in the general direction of the gravels and shingles, and got into a squabble with one of the normal people. Just as I was minding my own business some twat stopped me and told me that I should be wearing a uniform. I commented that it was a long time since I’ve worn a unform. Ten years ago I had a scout leader uniform, and forty years ago I had a uniform when I was in the Boys Brigade. This idiot wasn’t impressed, didn’t like my attitude and wanted to know where my manager was. I told him that I had no idea, but (to the best of my knowledge) she has an apartment somewhere in Tunbridge Wells. Finally he realised that I wasn’t a member of the garden centre staff, and then (rather rudely) complained that I’d been wasting his time.


I came home and unloaded the car. That took some doing. The trouble with having a low-maintenance garden is that all the low-maintenance stuff is heavy.

I then got the pressure-washer out to clean up four slabs that I hope to use tomorrow. And in cleaning four slabs I turned the garden into a swamp.

And then I had a look at the pond filter. Yesterday I mentioned that I wasn’t sure if the new bulb was working. It wasn’t. When it works there is a glow that you can see when it is dark. There was no glow yesterday. So I took it all apart, put it all back together again, and there was a glow. That was a result, but there was also a leak. I took it all apart a second time. On the third time I got both glow and no leak.


At that point I’d been working for seven hours and decided it was time to stop. I had a cuppa and soe of the rather good cake that er indoors TM” had boiled up before taking the dogs on a little trip round the co-op field. Treacle walked. Pogo pulled like a train. And Fudge straggled so much it was like dragging a brick. 

We came home, had a particularly good bit of dinner and watched last week’s Celebrity Bake Off. We would have then watched more telly, but the Internet wasn’t having it at all.

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