23 January 2025 (Thursday) - Bailey's Bimble

I woke just before six o’clock to the sound of a dog heaving. I bunged Morgan out of bed and hurried him to he back door. I gave him as long as it took me to have a wazz then called him back in again. We all went back to bed, then just as I was nodding off so he started heaving again. Fortunately “er indoors ^TM” leapt up to deal with him this time. Unfortunately she came bad to bed with graphic descriptions of what he had thrown up.

She later worked out that he’s been eating off-cuts of electrical cables presumably left over from Monday’s episode. I thought I’d cleared all of that up. I wonder where he found those?

 

I then lay awake until “er indoors ^TM” slept through her alarm for the second time, then made myself some toast and had a look at the Internet to see if I’d missed much overnight.

Facebook presented me with a memory. Eight years ago I started my current job, and I posted a piccie of the hospital with the caption “Right.... let's see how this pans out...”. It panned out rather well, all things considered. These days I don’t have a rather petty manager ensuring absolutely everything I do is double checked. If I am a few minutes late (not that I am) there’s not a queue of people waiting to squeal me up to the feds. If I am too ill to cover a night or weekend shift I now have management that will organize cover; I don’t have to arrange my own stunt double.

There wasn’t much else going on on-line, but I had a message from “Daddies’ Little Angel ^TM” whose mate is getting a new pet. A marmoset which is apparently named “Marge”. I suspect having a marmoset as a pet will be all very well until it is poorly, and then finding a vet will be tricky, and finding one that doesn’t charge the Earth will be even trickier. I remember many years ago a new girl at work nervously asking me if it was true that I kept snakes. I said it was. She then (even more nervously) asked if her boyfriend might come round to see them. As the chap held a royal python he told me that he was a qualified and practicing vet, and he lived in terror of anyone bringing him a sick snake. His reptile studies at veterinary college had consisted of one afternoon lecture,  and he told me that the python he was holding was the first snake he’d ever touched.

 

With rain forecast I made an early start and got the dogs into the car before half past eight. I’ve been threatening to replace my geocaches in Kings Wood for some time. Rather than one epically far-too-long route of nearly nine miles and several Wherigo series I’ve planned out three shorter walks of about five to six miles and several smaller Wherigo adventures. Today I had a preliminary recce on one of the shorter walks – if it all goes live it will be the “Bailey’s Bimble”; a series of simple geo-puzzles over six miles. It took us just over two hours to walk, so what with hunting for the caches and doing the secret geo-rituals and having a picnic along the way, this should take people about three or four hours to do.

Our walk went well. As I plotted and made note and recorded co-ordinates so Morgan chased shadows and Bailey rolled in fox poo and Treacle wallowed in swamps. We only had one episode – after six miles and only a hundred yards from the car park I lost Morgan. After five minutes of whistling and calling, a passing Normal Person asked if that was my dog standing on the path up by the car park. I got used to Fudge straggling behind that I just can’t get my head around Morgan being in front.

 

We came home just as the forecast rain started. I fiddled about with GSAK (it’s a geocachical thing) recording my morning’s efforts, then had a Slimfast bar for lunch. It wasn’t very good, but I suspect being six months past its best didn’t help.

 

I got out the ironing board and spent the afternoon ironing whilst watching episodes of “Four in a Bed”. For all that I rarely go to a B&B, I find this show captivating.

 

“er indoors ^TM” boiled up a pasta bake which we scoffed whilst watching the latest episodes of “The Traitors” and “Junior Bake Off”, and ow I’m worn out. A dog walk, ironing, and watching telly. It’s a tough life.

22 January 2025 (Wednesday) - Rather Busy

Over brekkie I had a look at the Internet as I do. It was still there, and for once was relatively dull. I munzed and wordled and got dressed.

 

With the rain having stopped I took the dogs out for a walk. As we drove the pundits on the radio were talking about the Paedophile Information Exchange; a rather scary group of kiddy-fiddlers who operated quite openly about fifty years ago. They openly campaigned to abolish the age of consent and were generally not the sort of people you’d like to have anywhere near your family. Apparently there was a written list of the names and addresses of their members which was in the possession of the police in 1983, but nothing was done with it.

The show made for interesting listening. What do you do if you’ve got a list of paedos? Go and arrest someone because their name is on a list ;even though they might be completely innocent and just had their name written on that list by someone who hates them?

The people making the show tried to track down members of the police team that were investigating this. Apparently they weren’t easy to find. One was found who’d retired to Alaska in 2006. He said that the copper in charge of the team had died of cancer in the mid-eighties and claimed that when this chap died, all the investigating died with him.

 

We got to the woods. The pants we’d found last week were still hanging on the footpath sign where I’d hung them last week.

We walked our usual route. About two thirds of the way round I heard a rustling and a herd of about twenty small deer ran across the footpath; not ten yards in front of us. But they were fast. By the time I’d pulled my phone out of my pocket they were gone. And then I heard what had spooked them; two women shrieking at each other. A little while later we saw them. Riding side by side on horseback but bellowing as though they were a hundred yards apart. Why do people feel the need to be so loud?

 

Yesterday we walked a mile and a half round Orlestone and burned a hundred and forty calories. Today’s almost four miles round Kings Wood shifted six hundred.

We came home for a bath. Bailey had found some fox poo, and everyone had grubby paws and tummies.

 

I then went into the garden. Having done some serious brain-straining with Gordon over the last week we’ve got the final locations of a series of geocaches… but they are all a long way up various trees. To get at them we need ten-metre poles. I had this genius idea that the poles we used to use for banners at kite festivals might do, so I dug deep into the lock-up in the garden only to find the longest poles we had were only six metres long.

Not ten.

I sulked.

Whilst I sulked, now we’ve got leccie to the shed again I got the drill out and tightened up the bird feeder I built the other day. And then tidied the shed a bit and went on a tip run.

 

Once home I spent seemingly an age on Amazon and eBay looking at ten-metre poles. Hopefully one will arrive early next week.

And I had a phone call from the One You people. The occupational Health people at work suggested I contact One You about weight loss and blood pressure issues. Some woman who was obviously reading from a script suggested I might try to go on a diet to lose weight. I told her that over the years I’ve tried every diet there is. I told her that I was currently calorie counting and watching what I eat and have cut out all the sweeties. It was quite plain that I was already doing everything she could offer, and said I should contact my GP and ask for a tier three weight management program.

I’ll ask about that when I have my appointment in a week or so.

 

And as a load of washing got scrubbed, “er indoors ^TM” boiled up another good dinner which we scoffed whilst watching episodes of “Junior Bake Off”. Am I being sexist in being surprised at how few girls are in it?

21 January 2025 (Tuesday) - An Afternoon in Canterbury

There was actual news on Facebook this morning (as opposed to the usual drivel). There were reports of an escaped pig on the Romney Marsh. Apparently he’s been on the loose since the weekend and whilst amiable enough seems to be enjoying freedom. People seem happy enough to watch him; no one seems to want to try to catch him.

Someone claimed that the wild boar in the area (that have been there since an escape following the storm of 1987) have interbred with domestic pigs and now look like spotted pigs. I *think* I’ve seen boar in the distance at Orlestone before, but could be wrong.

People were squabbling on one of the Star Trek fan pages; a squabble easily settled by actually watching the TV show,

And then my piss boiled. Someone had been round Kings Wood at the weekend looking for the geocaches I’d hidden there. That someone wasn’t as complementary about my efforts as they might have been. But then I suppose they probably don’t realise how much effort goes in to creating a geocache as despite having found over twelve thousand of the things she’s not actually hidden a single one herself.

 

I munzed, Wordled, and as the dogs scoffed brekkie I got ready for the off. I loaded the dogs into the car, and I brought along the humane mouse trap; we’d caught a mouse.

As we drove to the woods the pundits on the radio were talking about the recent murders in Stockport. From what I can work out, some crackpot ran amok. The Prime Minister was saying all sorts of things, but I can’t help but wonder if bringing back the noose would sort it out? Hang ‘em high and leave the corpse hanging where anyone else inclined to do the same can see it. Harsh? Perhaps. But I’ve mentioned before that as a lad at school lI lived in terror of the headmaster. If you went too far you got two strokes of the cane. One boy had a sore arse for a day, and seven hundred boys behaved themselves for a year.

 

With plans for later in the day I didn’t have that long for a dog walk, so we went to Orlestone. You never know – we might have seen another wild boar.

We didn’t.

But despite the mud (and there was a lot of it) we had a good walk round. We didn’t see anyone else at all while we walked, but forty minutes dog walking uses up one hundred and forty calories. And we released the mouse into the wild as well. There are those who say I should have smacked it, but as Darcie would say “he’s so cute”.

 

We came home, and after a cuppa I set off to Folkestone. I arrived at the abode of “Daddies’ Little Angel ^TM” and Darcie WaaWaa ^TM” immediately told me to go away. As we walked to the car so I tried to jolly littlun up. “Don’t talk to me!” she announced, and when we got out of the car at Canterbury she told me that I couldn’t come and I had to stay in the car. We went to Subway where I was told to sit at another table. She had the right hump with me for no reason that we could fathom.

But…

We’d gone to Canterbury so that “Daddies’ Little Angel ^TM” could take her driving theory test. As she went in to the test centre and I started babysitting duties, Darcie WaaWaa ^TM”’s attitude changed completely. We had a great time. We went to the Beaney Museum and looked at Bagpuss and the Clangers and stuffed birds. Littlun was particularly taken by a stuffed lion.

 

After far longer than I thought we would ever manage in the museum we wandered back to find the most recent fruit of my loin. And as we walked so I slowed right down to earwig on a rather interesting conversation between what I can only describe as “two scratters”. One was an incredibly fat young male scratter with a frankly ridiculous beard that came up to the underside of (but not past) his chin. The other was a rather scruffy looking woman who seemed almost but not quite old enough to be his mother. I wish I’d recorded the conversation (ranting) She was shrieking about their not going to McDonalds. They were never going to McDonalds. She’d only mentioned McDonalds as it was the only way she could get him out of her house. But now that he was out of her house, he didn’t live there anymore. His home was now (apparently) one of the benches in Canterbury High Street. She screeched that his calling her a slag whilst at the bus stop was crossing the line. I would have liked to ask his calling her a slag at the train station or chip shop was acceptable, but it was at that point that “Daddies’ Little Angel ^TM” returned and I was ordered away.

 

We went back to Folkestone. The most recent fruit of my loin had another errand to run, so I had more babysitting. But seeing that littlun was fast asleep I just drove her to Ramsgate and back whilst she slept to pass the time.

 

I came home, and after a little farting about I managed to connect the step counter on my watch to the MyFitnessPal app. Having done so it says that having walked twelve thousand steps today means I am allowed to scoff a thousand extra calories. In layman’s terms a thousand extra calories is about two thirds of the sub I scoffed for lunch.

 

“er indoors ^TM” boiled up a really good diet dinner which we devoured whilst watching more “Junior Bake Off”. And with that scoffed I loaded up the dishwasher. Because the thing now has a functional power supply.

It is so good to be able to walk round the house without stepping over power cables running all over the place.

20 January 2025 (Monday) - Windows and Leccie

I didn’t really sleep very well last night; fretting about having the windows done today. I got up at seven o’clock and cleared the area round the bedroom window in readiness, then made brekkie.

I sparked up the lap-top and had a look on-line. Yesterday I joined a Facebook aquarium group and there are as many pedants ranting about measuring chemicals on there as there ever are in the Facebook pond groups. Facebook groups can be pedantic, picky and nasty, but none so much as those related to fish; either in a tank or in a pond.

There weren’t any emails in my in-box. I munzed and Wordled… and then the window replacing people arrived about an hour earlier than expected, so I wolfed the last of brekkie down and as they cracked on upstairs so we shifted stuff round the living room ready for that window’s turn later later.

 

There’s no denying I had been expecting the worst. I had visions of the entire front of the house falling out, and the crashing and bashing from upstairs did worry me.

Before long there was another knock at the door. The chap who’d replaced our bathroom tap a few weeks ago had brought his mate round to give us a quote for sorting the electrical problem. And if we thought the house was in uproar with the windows being done, that was just peanuts to what followed. As lumps of old double glazing got bashed out and lumps of new double glazing got carried in, so Gary was in the fuse box and behind the fridge and disassembling this that and the other.

 

The chap who’d replaced our bathroom tap had to go to Eastbourne, so declining the offer of a cuppa he left the merry throng.

Mid-day came and passed. The bashing from the windows continued, and the power continued going off and on. Eventually Gary announced that the problem was that we didn’t have any neutral in the downstairs ring main, and to prove a point he borrowed some from the upstairs one. However he was at a loss to work out where it had gone. So he systematically disassembled every downstairs socket. I must admit I thought he was wasting his time when he took apart the one I use every day to power the lap-top on which I write this diary, but with most of the house’s electricals in pieces I didn’t dare say anything that might have upset him. Pausing only briefly to allow a huge window pane to be carried in, he got busy with his screwdriver and then gave a loud “Ah-ha”.

I’m no expert but it looked to me as though there were far too many wires hanging out of the socket, Not all were actually attached to anything, and Gary said that the inside of the socket looked iffy.

 

As the nice window man stared clouting the new window frame with a glass hammer, I drove Gary over to The Electrical Counter. I had no idea this place existed; it is *the* go-to place for anything electrical from now on. They’ve got pretty much everything you might ever need, and the helpful staff will order in anything they don’t have.

We got some new sockets, cable, cable fixings, strange mysterious things, and a myriad of light bulbs.

 

We came home, and as the nice window men were getting jiggy with the mastic, Gary replaced the poggered socket, removed the cable that was borrowing neutral from upstairs, and announced all was done.

He then went round the house replacing pretty much all the light bulbs. I had no idea just how inefficient our lighting was. We replaced no end of fifty-watt light bulbs with five watt ones and they are every bit as bright, if not brighter.

 

I then ran Gary home just as it was getting dark. It was only as I thanked him profusely that I realized that he’d only come to give us a quote and had actually fixed the issue for us. But to be fair he couldn’t really give a quote until he’d identified the problem, and fixing the problem only took about a quarter of the time identifying it had taken.

I came home to find the nice window men had gone. Having been worrying about getting the windows done, that part of today passed off amazingly without worry. Having said that I shall now be watching the windows like a pork (to coin a phrase) just in case.

And shall also be waiting for the electricity to pop as well…

 

“er indoors ^TM” sorted dinner then went bowling. I settled on the sofa underneath a pile of dogs watching an episode of “Poldark” in which Ross was being a very silly boy. As I watched I listened to the washing machine having a go at my undercrackers. It is doing so without the use of an extension cable for the first time in three weeks. If it manages I shall try the tumble-dry setting as an encore.

I’m hoping for the best.

19 January 2025 (Sunday) - Peanut Butter

With “er indoors ^TM” and the dogs up in the attic room with littlun last night I slept rather well. I woke at seven o’clock this morning and thought I might have a little peace before they all got up. I made toast and got as far as the title credits rolling on an episode of “Poldark” before they all came stomping downstairs.

Darcie made off with a piece of my toast and scoffed it all. She’s notoriously difficult to feed; like her mother was at her age she doesn’t like much and only eats tiny amounts of what she does like. She seems to like peanut butter and marmalade on toast though, but I’m not going to push it. I can remember my dear old mother force-feeding me, my brother and both the fruits of my loin, and going hysterical if we didn’t eat enough to feed a family of four for a week.

I posted a photo of her scoffing her toast and my cousin posted a photo of her peanut butter and marmalade on toast. In the past no one I’ve ever met has heard of having peanut butter and marmalade on toast, let alone tried it. If my cousin is scoffing it then presumably it is a family thing?

 

Whilst Darcie WaaWaa ^TM” played Dig-Dug and watched strange videos on “toobs” (You-Tube) I stood on the scales. I’ve lost two pounds since last week, which is a step in the right direction. And my blood pressure was noticeably down on yesterday. This morning it was 143/82 compared to 161/89 last night.

Littlun’s “toobs” moved on to a rather annoying song about a frog’s grandmother’s wig, and I reactivated my account on MyFitnessPal. In the past I’ve found that two things work for weight loss for me. Calorie counting and being constantly hungry. So here we go. Again.

As I solved geo-puzzles so littlun’s “toobs” started playing a rather annoying song about why you shouldn’t drink water from the toilet.

And then I had an email from the power company. You really would think that whoever it is that runs EDF would realise that it is warmer in the summer and colder in the winter. Consequently my spending more money on heating in the winter and less in the summer shouldn’t come as a surprise to them. Should it?

 

At mid-day we took littun home. She sang “Jingle Bells” all the way home which was rather sweet really. And with her deposited back with her mother we took a rather circuitous route home across the Romney Marsh picking up solved but unfound (by us) puzzle geocaches.

Once home we had a cuppa and a hot cross bun (two hundred calories!) and with no end of other more important stuff I might be doing I slobbed in front of the telly watching episodes of “Four In A Bed”. There was a glamping site, two rather good pubs which offered accommodation, and a rather shabby hotel charging over double the price of everyone else. Annoyingly they all remained friendly and no one fell out with anyone else.

 

I did my evening blood pressure measurement, and when I entered the result onto the doctor’s website rather than its generic “thank you – same again tomorrow” message it told me that the conversation about a week’s monitoring was over and that over the week my blood pressure had averaged 153/91 which isn’t that good really.

I suspect the doc will be on the phone tomorrow. I hope so.

 

“er indoors ^TM” sorted a rather good dinner using up the last of the Christmas parsnips. Parsnips lower blood pressure apparently.

 

And in closing today I’ve spent quite a bit of today thinking about my brother. He left home at half past four this morning to get to Brighton for a six o’clock pickup. The coach then took him to Old Trafford for the football where he watched Brighton and Hove Albion beat Man City. He’s now on the way back and expects to be home shortly after midnight.

18 January 2025 (Saturday) - Dog Club, A Sleepover

I had a relatively good night asleep up until about five o’clock when I had the most vivid nightmare in which someone with whom I worked (over forty years ago) claimed that we’d both done the dirty deed at each other in a dream, and they had the right hump that I was utterly indifferent about it.

I’m blaming blood pressure.

 

I got up and had a bit of brekkie whilst peering at the Internet. This morning a flat-earther was kicking off. Mind you I say “a flat-earther”; more often than not these people are deliberately winding others up. If you stand on the beach and look at the horizon you can see the world is round. Mind you, people thought it was flat for hundreds of years even though they could see it was round.

I then saw an avert for “Bark Free Masterclass” which claimed to be a free way of stopping your dog barking. Treacle does get a bit woofy in the evenings when she wants biscuits so I thought I’d give it a go. It was a scam. After a five-minute video about what a pain it is having you dog bite the postman, they then asked for a hundred dollars. You’d think that someone would report these misleading scams, wouldn’t you?

I did.

 

I Munzed, got Wordle on the second attempt, harvested a bumper crop of dog turds and got ready for the morning. It was a tad cold so the dogs all got their coats on. It has to be said that they are far better with coats than my Fudge ever was. And once coated we set off to Repton.

As we drove Steve was on the radio doing the “Guess the Lyrics” competition. I had no idea what that was, and we got to the paddock at Repton before he told us what it was.

 

Dog Club went rather well. For all that he loves chasing other dogs, Morgan seems to have stopped nipping. There was quite a bit of chasing going on today, as well as wallowing in the muddy puddles, and scrounging for dog treats. Together with one of the smaller children I tried counting dogs. The trouble with trying to get a dog count is that they all keep moving about. We both counted a few times, and our estimates of attendance ranged from seventeen to twenty-two.

As we got into the car to come home Steve gave the last clue for the Mystery Year competition. Blockbuster by Sweet. 1973.

 

We came home. As “er indoors ^TM” looked for somewhere to park I popped to the corner shop where I got us almond croissants. Almonds are good for lowering blood pressure, so that was a result. There are those that say that croissants aren’t so good, but you can’t have everything. I suspect that after I see the doc next week I won’t be able to have anything, but time will tell.

We had a cuppa with those almond croissants and I counted up the Dog Club money. Some people pay their Dog Club subs directly to the Repton people via text message. Others prefer to pay cash so I pop a pot out and every couple of weeks I count up the takings and transfer that amount (plus nine quid for our three) to the Repton people’s bank account. I won’t say how much I transfer every couple of weeks, but I’ll make the observation that it is some months since I’ve had to get any cash out of a cashpoint machine.

 

“er indoors ^TM” went shopping and I watched an episode of “Poldark”. Much as I’m liking the show I can remember Demelza’s bosom heaving a lot more when I watched it last time. From an entirely beastly point of view I can remember her having a far more impressive chest than the one she isn’t brandishing at the moment. And with “er indoors ^TM” returned from shopping I fell asleep in front of the telly and slept for most of the afternoon.

 

The evening wasn’t quite so restful though. Darcie WaaWaa ^TM” has come for a sleepover. After a rather intense session of dog-snogging and then refusing to eat our pizza we then created a new game which involves shouting “CATCH !” and then flinging various assorted objects around the kitchen.

I’m worn out… And my blood pressure is noticeably up on this morning.

 

17 January 2025 (Friday) - Early Shift

With an alarm set I woke about three hours earlier today than I did yesterday. I lay awake for a while, then gave up and got up. This morning’s average blood pressure was 152/89 which is about average. Average for me; far from good for anyone else.

I watched “Poldark” in which it would seem that Verity’s estrangement was at an end, but Elizabeth was up for a portion and made no secret to Ross about it.

 

I had a quick look at the Internet. It was still there. Unlike yesterday (which was a tad dull) there were a few squabbles kicking off this morning. Antibiotics for a fungal infection… anyone with the slightest medical knowledge would understand why that wouldn’t work, but those who actually knew nothing about it wouldn’t be told, and made great show of demonstrating that they knew nothing. And pension provision… the Facebook Retirement UK page is always good for bitterness. This morning some very silly fellow (in his late fifties) was asking how much his pension would be each week. He was rather dismayed to find that his future pension bore no relation to his current mammoth salary and everything to do with how little (i.e. nothing) he’d paid in to a pension fund.

 

It was very dark as I set off to work, but not foggy as it had been on Wednesday. I popped to the Sainsbury's petrol station on the way. As well as having petrol, they have sandwiches early in the morning. For some reason the Aylesford filling station never has sandwiches before mid-morning. The miserable old bat I've met before was on duty, but she was happy and cheerful for once. That made a change.

 

I drove off up the motor way listening to the pundits on the radio. Global warming is getting worse with carbon dioxide levels going through the roof. The world will (probably) see me out, but I despair for what Lacey, Jake and Darcie will have to contend with.

And there's been a cease-fire declared in the ongoing conflict in Gaza... But some of the head honchos of the Israeli government have resigned in disgust, openly saying they want the war to continue.

Apparently making any concessions at all to the other side is a bad thing, and these resigning ministers feel that any concessions should be made by their opponents and certainly not by them. However they've agreed not to try to bring the Israeli government down *if* war resumes at the end of the cease-fire in six weeks time. They really want the war to continue.

I can vividly remember an interview with people on both sides of a previous iteration of this conflict a few years ago when neither side were prepared to budge an inch and both sides were harping back to perceived insults from over fifty years ago.

I've said before that the war in the Middle East will run and run, and it is the poor innocents on the ground who suffer.

 

I got to work and cracked on with the early shift. As I did my bit the boss confirmed that I won't be doing night shifts until my blood pressure is sorted. A minor result I suppose. I've only got one night in the next couple of months but being a Friday night it would have made for a tricky time getting to Dog Club.

 

With my bit done I came home. This evening’s blood pressure was exactly the same as this morning’s; 152/89. And with that done we scoffed dinner whilst watching more of “The Traitors” and “Junior Bake Off”.

 

Today has been… rather frustrating really. We’ve got the windows being done next week. Once that’s done we can look to getting the electrical issue sorted. I’ve still got a couple more days of blood pressure monitoring to do before the doc tells me about a lifetime on tablets and the need to diet. So much to get done, but nothing I can do right now.

There’s an awful lot in my life that’s pending at the moment; I just wish we could get on with it.

16 January 2025 (Thursday) - Undercrackers

I got up and after I’d had a shave I had my usual rummage round the Internet. It was still there. No one was squabbling about anything which was rather remarkable.

I Munzed, got Wordle on the fourth go, measured blood pressure (144/88 this morning), then got ready for the off.

 

We had a minor contretemps on the way to the woods. Some idiot in a black Toyota Yaris had been tail-ending me from half-way up Brookfield road to the motorway roundabout (about a mile) where he dangerously overtook. I slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting him, and then I followed him as he drove not two yards from the car in front of him all the way to Boughton Aluph (two more miles). The car he’d been following turned off there and I then followed him to the turn-off to the woods which he reached about five seconds before I did.

 

The woods were busy today – not with walkers but with vans. We see a van driving round the woods about once a month or so. Today we saw three different ones. Two from Forestry England; one unmarked.

We also found a pair of pants. Nice pants. We’ve found a pair of freshly shitted pants before, but these were clean. How on Earth does anyone lose a set of undercrackers in the woods? I suspect unmoral activity.

It was warmer today than it has been so Bailey didn’t wear her coat. I’m not sure if that was good or bad; when I wasn’t looking she got herself a serious smearing of fox poo on her back, so once home it was into the bath.

 

With dogs scrubbed I made myself a cuppa, then did some housework. I put washing in. I ran round with the Hoover. And I cleaned out the fridge. I’ve been threatening to clean out the fridge for some time, and it was quite the adventure. There were two almost (but not quite) empty jars of wholegrain mustard. There were two almost (but not quite) empty Jif lemons. There was a lump of Stilton (fortunately wrapped) that I’d forgotten about from Christmas. There were two three-quarter empty pots of cream that I’d been keeping for no apparent reason. There were two opened jars of Branston pickle. And I found a jar of piccalilli; I was sure we had some.

I won’t mention best before dates… I’ll just say that quite a bit went down the chodbin, and the winner was some ground coffee powder that went out five years ago.

I’d actually cleaned out the fridge to find out what the whiff was. Amazingly it wasn’t any of the contents that were smelling; the drain at the back was rather grim. It’s sorted now.

The fridge is remarkably empty right now… let’s keep it that way.

 

I wrote up some CPD, I watched some telly, and then I heard something. The local Green party had stuffed the local county councilor’s newsletter through the letterbox. I read it, and quite liked his honesty; he admitted that there is a lot that he can’t do, but said that he was sharing his email address in case anyone had any issues. I sent him an email about the railway underpass by Asda which floods whenever we get heavy rain. I mentioned it the other day. Last year I emailed the local councilor about it. All she did was email me a link to report a flood. Let’s see if the county councilor will do anything.

Whilst I was at it I emailed my MP about it as well.

And then my phone rang. The Occupational Health people from work have advised me to come off night shifts until my blood pressure stabilizes. They’ve also told me to lose weight. That’s easier said than done.

 

I made a point of sitting and taking it easy whilst watching the telly for a while, then took my evening blood pressure measurement. I did it three times as per instructions; the average was 160/98 which is still firmly in the stage two hypertension category. I always think of stage two hypertensives as breathless fat old sods gasping for air; not sprightly fat old sods who regularly walk the dogs four miles round the woods.

 

“er indoors ^TM” boiled up dinner which we scoffed whilst watching another episode of “The Traitors” which is a strangely captivating show. Most of the contestants (the Faithful) have to guess who are the traitors. With absolutely no clues or evidence whatsoever, the whole thing just becomes one big popularity contest.

It’s rather amusing… 

 

15 January 2025 (Wednesday) - More Self-Indulgent Whinging

Well, there’s no denying I’ve got the arse. Last night I got “er indoors ^TM” to stick her arm in my new blood pressure machine. I won’t say what her numbers were, but I will say that according to official figures she is rather normal, whilst I would seem to have stage two hypertension.

 

It is all rather funny really; having been reasonably healthy for years, now that I know I have high blood pressure I’m feeling all sorts of twinges in my chest. I’m sure it is entirely psychosomatic, but it goes to show, doesn’t it? Mind you I have no idea what it goes to show, but it must go to show something.

According to heart.org  if the measurements carry on as they are at the moment, the quack will probably prescribe blood pressure medication and lifestyle changes. I suppose I’m long overdue to start on the statins; so many people that I know are on them. And as for lifestyle changes… another diet in the first instance. More exercise? How many four-mile dog walks can I do? But maybe this might be a way of getting out of night shifts?

 

This morning I had granola for brekkie rather than toast, but that did nothing for my blood pressure which was slightly up on yesterday evening’s reading.

I watched an episode of “Poldark”, then had a little look at the Internet as I do. It was still there. Amazingly it isn’t filled with adverts about blood pressure yet.

 

It was very dark and foggy as I set off to work, but having no ice to scrape from the car was something of a result. I stopped off at the co-op for a sandwich then headed off west-wards through the -hursts and the -dens to Pembury.  As I drove I listened to the pundits on the radio spouting their drivel. There was quite a bit of coverage of "Yesterday in Parliament" which spoke volumes about our parliamentary democracy. Quite a few matters were supposedly under discussion, but each so-called debate went the same way. Someone would make a point, and having made that point someone else would launch a personal attack on them. A pal of the first speaker would then slag off whoever had made that attack, and so it continued. Not a bad way to pass your time; especially when you're getting ninety grand a year (plus expenses) for doing so.

There was also talk with some emeritus professor of medicine who felt that BMI was a rather crap way to measure obesity, as all it does is compare weight and height and according to BMI, many top athletes would seem to be porkers. The chap then went on to say that fat people should be on weight loss medication for life. That might be me in a week or so.

 

I got to work for the early and had a chat with the boss about blood pressure and night work. I've been referred to the occupational health people.

I then I had a Red Alert. They are far more nerve-wracking and far less exciting than watching Star Trek might have you believe. And if that wasn't enough to put my blood pressure through the roof, the insurance company phoned and said that our ongoing electrical issue isn't covered in the policy and that we will have to pay for having the ongoing problems repaired ourselves.

 

Being on an early I got out early. Being at Pembury I didn’t get home that early. Interestingly despite a rather stressful day my evening systolic blood pressure was fifteen wotsits less than my morning one had been. A shame I couldn’t say the same about the diastolic, but such is life.

 

“er indoors ^TM” boiled up fajitas which we washed down with a bottle of merlot. Red wine is good for your blood pressure apparently.

14 January 2025 (Tuesday) - Walk, Woodwork, Blood Pressure

As I scoffed toast I had my usual root around the Internet. There’s a new goat at the goat sanctuary. “Gregory” was found wandering around Birling; a village not far from junction four of the M20. Presumably an unwanted pet? You wouldn’t lose a goat and not realise, would you? But why abandon the poor thing. Why not just take him straight to the goat sanctuary and say that you can’t cope with him?

I munzed and wordled and got ready for the off.

 

With dogs on leads (and small one in a coat) we set off. As we drove to the woods there was an interview on the radio with Sara Pascoe who was being asked what advice she’d give her younger self.  It was rather interesting, and made me think. What advice would I give to me back in the seventies?

Work harder at school and give the church a lot less priority I think. For all that I met “er indoors ^TM” through the church, looking back had I not flunked out of school half way through A-levels with an end of year average of twenty-eight per cent I could have been a doctor or solicitor. But when all my mates (who went on to be doctors and solicitors and incredibly rich) were doing their studying I was doing Boys Brigade and bible study classes.

 

With reports of one of my geocaches having gone missing I wanted to check it, so we parked in the lower car park at Kings Wood... eventually. Some idiot had parked right across the entrance. But once parked we had a good walk. We stayed to the wider paths and were soon where the missing geocache was supposed to be. It was missing. The entire area had been flailed flat and the cache and its hide had been destroyed. I popped a new cache out, and we continued our walk. We had a good walk. We avoided the worst of the mud, I found yet another sink hole. We met another group of one woman and six dogs. That seemed rather keen.

After three and a half miles we were back at the car. Parked next to us was a van of a dog-walking firm. Presumably that was the woman with the six dogs? Could I jack it all in at work and become a professional dog walker? I probably could, but being lazy suits me in that tomorrow I shall just turn up at work and do my thing then go home again. I always remember an uncle who was self-employed who spent all day working doing the actual job, and then spent several hours every evening doing all the admin and paperwork for the business.

 

We came home and I sorted a cuppa, then went into the garden and pootled. Last week “er indoors ^TM” spotted a rat on the bird feeder. The rat trap was an abject failure, so I had this idea of building some sort of thingy to hold the bird feeder where the rat can’t get to it. It didn’t take long to build – let’s see if it works. If it doesn’t collapse by the weekend I’ll dob a coat of paint on it.

 

I came in and had a stroke of genius concerning the pi function of prime numbers and solved a geo-puzzle, then using the vignerre cipher solved another. I had a little aggro with the third geo-puzzle. Once I’d de-ciphered (using pigpen) I was left with what I could only describe as utter gibberish. But I got there eventually.

 

“er indoors ^TM” set off babysitting. I settled down watching more “Poldark” in which George told Elizabeth his intentions. And they were rather beastly.

And then my blood pressure monitor arrived. In a novel break with tradition I read the instructions and sat quietly for a few minutes before having a go. I came in with the same diastolic as the doctor’s machine said last week, but the systolic came in ten units lower.

 

“er indoors ^TM” returned from babysitting and boiled up lamb chops and chips. That’ll put those ten points back on the blood pressure…

13 January 2025 (Monday) - FTF in Perry Wood

“er indoors ^TM” woke me shortly after eight o’clock this morning; I was mumbling in my sleep apparently.

I got up, made toast and had my usual root around the Internet. Last night someone had posted to Facebook openly saying that the entire COVID pandemic was one big hoax staged in order to inject the masses with the vaccines for no reason that they were prepared to divulge. I squealed the comment to Facebook; they said it didn’t go against their community standards. I asked for a review. This morning they confirmed that posting factually incorrect anti-vax propaganda doesn’t go against their community standards.

Ho hum…

And then I had a text from the doctor who wants me to monitor my blood pressure at home. How am I supposed to do that? I went on Amazon and ordered up a home-testing device which should arrive tomorrow.

 

I was just about to take the dogs to Kings Wood for our morning walk when I had an email about a new geocache in the car park at Perry Woods. So we went to Perry Woods instead where after a quick First to Find we had a little walk round the woods. I must admit I’m not overly keen on Perry Woods for a walk. From experience it is rather up hill and down hill. The car park is in the middle of the woods so you are never really very far from a road. There are pheasants all over the place. And it seems to be rather muddy at this time of year too.

But we had a good walk. The dogs came back when called… far more promptly than they did the last time we were there.

As we got back to the car park so a car pulled up with some familiar faces inside. The chap who is usually First to Find on all local geocaches had taken his time today. We had a little chat, then came home where the dogs had a tummy wash and went to sleep. I sorted a cuppa for me and “er indoors ^TM”.

I eventually got Wordle right, then had a look in the garden

 

Over the spring, summer and autumn I spent a lot of my spare time pootling in the garden. It is a tad too cold to pootle now, and I don’t want to fiddle about too much in case I disturb hibernating bugs. But I harvested dog dung then gently broke up the ice on the ponds. Then I went round harvesting the dog turds I’d missed earlier before trimming back the overgrowth from next door’s rose bushes. Now that it is winter I could get to the thicker branches to hack them back. I don’t like hacking her overgrowth as relations aren’t peachy at the best of times, but last summer their roses reached half-way across our garden.

I went round with the dog dung bucket a third time; you’d never believe how many turds three small dogs produce. And then I pulled the off stones which were glued to the little membranes which I bought last summer.

 

Having spent a couple of hours pootling I came in, scoffed a crumpet for lunch, then sent out over fifty invites to next month’s geo-event. We’re having an afternoon at the scout hut playing board games.

I wrote up some CPD and struggled with geo-puzzles until my phone beeped. I had a friend request on Facebook… apparently from “er indoors ^TM”. Someone had set up a fake account in her name. And then my phone beeped again. Gordon had also had a similar friend request on Facebook. We both reported the fake profile, and the Facebook feds deleted the account in minutes. I’ve seen quite a few of these fake accounts; someone once even set one up in my name. I suppose people create these accounts to get access to other people who are their friends, and can try to scam them from a position of supposed trust.

 

“er indoors ^TM” boiled up dinner then went bowling. I watched more “Poldark” in which Verity was giving the sea captain the come-on, and Elizabeth wasn’t saying no to George quite as forcefully as she might.

Meanwhile Dr Ennis  was confronted with a heaving chest…

I might watch another episode in a minute…

 

12 January 2025 (Sunday) - Bit Dull

I slept like a log last night and woke after nine hours asleep, then lay there not so much worrying about Friday’s session on the doctor’s scales as pondering about it. I can’t claim I’m not overweight or that I eat particularly healthily, but I do exercise quite a bit; certainly more than people I know who are half my age.

So I got up and dusted off our bathroom scales which said I was pretty much the weight I’ve been for ages, and nearly a full stone under what the doctor’s scales said I was.

With minor panic over I made some toast and looked at the Internet. Last night I posted something on Facebook which had received quite a few comments; the Google Street View car had found a fat bloke in the nip in Kentucky. Click here and try Google Street View on that parked car. This morning the bloke was brandishing his chopper; it has now been censored.

And again people were showing off how stupid they were on Facebook. One bloke was ranting about how science had actually proved that the universe was only a few thousand years old, and another bloke was insistent that water flowed from north to south, *not* downhill. There were quite a few arguments going on. I find it best not to try to reason with the idiot brigade. But it does bother me that these people are allowed to vote and do jury service.

 

I boiled a kettle of water and went out to the ponds. I soon melted a hole in the big pond from which I could then break the ice to allow oxygen to get in, but the ice on the little pond took some melting. It was about an inch thick.

Whilst I was at it I harvested a bumper crop of frozen dog turds, but I’d watched Morgan emptying out by the Monkey Puzzle tree last night and that turd was gone this morning. Does that explain why Bailey was sick this morning, and count as a failure for the pro-biotics which are supposed to stop her scoffing dung?

 

“er indoors ^TM” set about repairing the poggered cabinet in the bedroom. I left her to it and made a start solving a series of geo-puzzles. Eventually “er indoors ^TM” then went off round to see ”Auntie Chel ^TM” who was staging a film afternoon. I called a halt on puzzle solving as my brain was hurting, and I put some washing in to scrub.

I then watched more “Poldark” in which Mr. Ross did the dirty deed on Demelza and had to marry her, and in which the sea captain (him who’d plighted his troth) returned. I then had a little doze, and wrote up some CPD until “er indoors ^TM” returned.

 

She boiled up a rather good dinner which we washed down with a bottle of merlot whilst watching the next episode of “The Traitors” in which everyone believed everything that a vicar had to say purely because she was a vicar… even though she was openly telling porkies. And then an episode of “Junior Bake Off”. I felt sorry for the kid that got voted out; she was up against some serious competition…

 

Yesterday was a rather good day. Today was on the dull side.

11 January 2025 (Saturday) - Dog Club and Edenbridge

I was sleeping rather well until the bin men came up the road at half past six this morning. You never see bin lorries out in the afternoons, do you? Do they have to start quite so early?

I got up, made toast and prepared “Hannah” for the day then had a look at the Internet. It was still there. People were all too quick to show off their ignorance on social media. People usually are. Why do they do that?

I munzed, wordled, and got we got ready for the off.

 

It took a surprisingly long time to scrape the ice from the “er indoors ^TM” – mobile, and with ice scraped we followed a car with a seriously flat tyre to the Repton estate. What with all the delays from ice and slow cars there was quite the queue at the gate for Dog Club when we got there. How embarrassing.

But despite the cold day we had a very good Dog Club. The temperature stayed cold enough to keep the mud frozen, and having two coats on Bailey meant she didn’t shiver like she had done last week

 

With Dog Club done we set off for Edenbridge. As we drove we caught the last part of Steve’s Mystery Year competition on the radio – Shine by Take That? 2006, or so I thought. It was 2007.

We listened to Steve as we drove up the motorway. And as we drove Steve gave the lie to anyone who claims the Saturday morning radio show is pre-recorded. The gizmo which does the music started jumping and repeating itself. I did chuckle when Steve told listeners to talk amongst themselves whilst he sorted the issue.

As it does, the radio signal gave out round about Harrietsham. Heart FM isn’t the same.

 

We got to Edenbridge where together with Karl and Tracey we had a little wander round the streets following a smaller geocache series. There’s plenty of geo-series over that way, but at this time of year the countryside is one huge swamp. I don’t mind going into the swamps, but we did have plans to go to the geo-meet after our walk, and there is only so much mud you can take into a pub.

The geo-meet was rather good. Karl stood us all dinner; cheeseburger with stilton was rather good. We met up with old friends we caught up on gossip. The dogs were rather well-behaved. I miss the old geo-meets.  

I took a few photos whilst we were out.

 

I managed to stay awake for most of the journey home. We had a pizza for tea and watched another episode of “The Traitors” in which the contestants were getting particularly stressy with each other. And then an episode of “Junior Bake Off” – those kids are rather talented.

 

Today was a rather good one. The dogs have been snoring ever since we got home.  

10 January 2025 (Friday) - 167/89

Being awake rather earlier than I might have been I got up, made toast and watched an episode of “Poldark” in which Verity’s tryst with the sea captain was revealed.

I had a little look at the Internet as I do most mornings. I seem to be seeing a lot of a Facebook group about early retirement at the moment. Supposedly about all aspects of early retirement, most of the talk is about money. One chap was posting that he never invested in a pension because he didn’t believe in them, but now aged fifty-eight he would like to know what he should invest in so as to be able to retire comfortably in two years’ time. Another chap was complaining that the entire concept of pensions stinks. He was furious to find that he’d spent a life earning and squandering far more than anyone else had earned or squandered, only to end up far poorer in his old age than people who earned far less than he had but had invested sensibly.

They let these people vote, you know…

 

There was quite a lot of ice to scrape from the car's windscreen this morning. And with it finally scraped I set off to work. As I drove the pundits on the radio were talking about wild fires in Los Angeles, the ongoing cold snap, and the state of the UK economy.

Meanwhile science has found Atlantis.

Interestingly no mention was made of Tunbridge Wells MP Mike Martin who thinks Britain could be at war with Russia in the next ten years.

 

I got to work and cracked on with what I couldn't avoid. As I did my bit so my phone pinged. It was the GP wanting me to tell him what my blood pressure was. I had no idea, but the message said there was a self-service blood pressure machine I might use at the surgery. So I popped in after work. A particularly miserable-looking woman behind the counter directed me to the machine. I stood on it, shoved my hand in and it told me I was a fat b*stard only three pressure units off of having a heart attack. Part of me thought OMG. Part of me thought what a load of tosh bearing in mind how much I walk the dogs.

But I uploaded my info. I shall wait patiently for the doctor to judge me.

Once I’d uploaded my information it struck me that I should have taken my thick heavy winter coat, gilet and shoes off before I had a go on the machine… I’ll pop back next week at some point.

 

“er indoors ^TM” boiled up chicken and chips which we scoffed whilst watching more of “The Traitors”  and “Junior Bake Off”. We need to watch more from the Sky-Q box – it’s nearly three quarters full.

9 January 2025 (Thursday) - Snow

“er indoors ^TM” was telling Bailey what a good dog she was last night, so I suppose that’s a step in the right direction. I got up, “er indoors ^TM” set off to work. I made toast and had a look-see to find out what I’d missed overnight.

As I turned on my laptop so there was a message on the Whatsapp work group. Having met traffic jams on the way to nursery a colleague was running ten minutes late. Had that been in my old place of work there would have been people queueing up to tell the boss that someone was late. On arrival the one who was late would have been taken straight into the boss’s office for twenty minutes to have a time-wasting talking-to. And then they would have to be made up at the end of the day (*not* cutting lunch hour short as would be sensible) and the people on the late shift would be under orders to make a note of what time the offender actually left. All of which in a workplace claiming to have a formal zero tolerance of bullying. I’m so glad I left that place. In retrospect I should have gone years earlier.

Facebook excelled itself this morning. Just recently it has been suggesting people I might like to add to my friends list. Today it suggested a concrete manufacturer.

 

I had a look at the humane rat trap. Overnight something had gone inside, had the bait, and come out again without triggering it. There are those who would say that this is what you get when you buy the cheapest one there is on Amazon and I suspect they would be right.

The weather was brighter than it might have been so I took the dogs out. As I drove there was an interview with God on the radio. Or some nutter from Manchester claiming to be God. Apparently he’s living with some woman and is running a community of seemingly harmless nutters. Had I been interviewing him I would have asked some rather more difficult questions… Perhaps this bloke really is God and he’s offered the interviewer the Moon on a stick (quite literally!) to go easy on him.

 

We got to the woods and found heavy snow. I say “heavy snow”; as Albert (Einstein) once remarked “everything’s relative”. My friends in Sweden and Canada and America and Scotland would laugh, but when you only get snow a couple of times a year and it is remarkable to see it lay, having a couple of inches of the stuff counts as heavy.

Having no snow at all at home, two inches of the stuff at the woods was something of a surprise. Had I known, the dogs would have worn their coats. But we pressed on. The snow in the woods was patchy; quite thick in some places, icy in other places, and melted away entirely where the sun had got through. The pups seemed quite amazed by it, and you wouldn’t believe how much mud can be concealed by a light sprinkling of snow. I had intended to take one of our shorter walks, but the dogs were having fun and before I realised it, we were at the furthest point of what is one of our standard four-mile walks.

Seeing where we were I took the short cut back to the car.

I took a few photos of the dogs in the snow.

 

We came home where I washed paws and bellies, did dog brekkie, and soon all three were fast asleep. So tired that no one attempted to attack the Hoover as I ran round with it.

I put a load of washing in to scrub then sparked up Netflix. I watched an episode of “Victoria” as I scoffed a bit of dinner, then watched the last episode of “Victoria” as I did some ironing. That had been a rather good show. I then found myself at something of a loss. What to watch next… Netflix suggested I might like to watch “65”; a film in which some astronaut crashes his spaceship on a planet filled with dinosaurs. I turned off half way through; it was crap. Netflix also suggested I might like to watch “Scavengers Reign”. It too was about people crashing spaceships, and it too was crap.

 

I wrote up some CPD, changed the blog picture, looked at some geo-puzzles then sorted dinner. “er indoors ^TM” had left me a pizza which was easy enough to cook (or so I had been told). Bearing in mind that of the worst came to the worst I could take it round to “My Boy ^TM” and have ”Auntie Chel ^TM” cook it, I had a go. It boiled up easily enough.

I gave the dogs their dinner and scoffed mine whilst watching the first episode of “Poldark”. I can remember liking that in the past but I can remember a lot more heaving bosoms than it seems to have at the moment.

 

“er indoors ^TM” should be home soon. I don’t want her to think I’ve done nothing other than sit on my bum today, but to be honest that is about all I’ve done. There’s loads I could do in the gardens, but it is too cold outside.

 

Oh – I’ve finally got the report from the electrician’s visit of ten days ago. I’ve sent it on to the insurance company… Let’s see what happens next.