18 February 2010 (Thursday) - Some Ranting

In my more lucid moments I am a chartered scientist. In layman’s terms, the area of my expertise is the science of how the human body works. And despite all manner of qualifications and nearly thirty years experience in the field, human metabolism is still in many ways a mystery to me. Why is it that some days I will drink ale by the gallon and be fine the next morning, and then today I feel like death warmed up after only two glasses of wine last night?

Whilst on the subject of drinking to excess, I see this year’s CAMRA pub of the year 2010 has been chosen. I wonder what the place is like? The title of local pub of the year for my area has been awarded to the Red Lion in Snargate. I must admit that is a choice with which I’d agree, had I been asked. But I’m not a member of CAMRA, so I wouldn’t expect to be asked. However I was a member of CAMRA for ten years and no one ever asked me my opinion during that time either.

The only communication I ever received from the local CAMRA bunch was a letter once a year reminding me about the beer festival they ran. And in retrospect that was probably to ensure attendance so that they didn’t run the thing at a loss. I’ve since found out they ran all sorts of events that they never publicised before the event. How can you credibly declare a certain pub is the local Pub of the Year when only a small minority of those eligible to vote know the selection is taking place? The local CAMRA committee took the trouble to write to me once a year, so why didn’t they include the year’s program of events… (I’ve done this rant before… so many times…)

Talking of pubs, it is rumoured that “The Crisps Shop” (The Six Bells in Woodchurch) has closed. If this is true, then this will be the end of an era. The Six Bells is somewhere we’ve cycled to many times. We went there for dinner to celebrate Brian’s return from the USA a few years ago. Whilst friends and family would watch “Woodchurch Wings and Things” I would take the children to the pub’s beer garden for crisps and a crafty half. (The half was for me, that is – not the kiddies!). That pub did such good beer, and good food. They can’t have closed!!

I shall have to investigate further. Possibly this weekend.

And then to Facebook. Last night I added another friend. My cousin Karen has found me. We were quite matey in the early 80s, often zooming round Hastings on our motorbikes. But over the years we’ve rather gone our separate ways, which was a shame. I’m glad she’s found me. I’ve since added another cousin as a friend on Facebook too.

I don’t really “do” family as much as perhaps I should. Over the years I’ve really lost touch with pretty much all but my immediate family. The in-laws are very big on family reunions. Perhaps I should take a leaf out of their book?

17 February 2010 (Wednesday) - A Day in the Life

Whenever the postman comes I have a habit of sticking any boring-looking letters for myself into my letter rack. This rack gets very full – I don’t just put boring-looking letters into it. I put in all sorts of things I intend to get back to when I get a minute. Today I finally went through the thing. I found:

• Six Doctor Who DVDs.
• A book of short walks round pubs in Kent.
• Numerous empty envelopes.
• A bank statement for the astro club – better give that back to them.
• The receipt for the front door.
• A book of stamps I’d intended to post into the chokey.
• Some passport-sized photos of myself. I wonder what I got those for?
• An ISA I’d forgotten about. That will pay off the mortgage shortfall.
• An insurance renewal proposal on the electric cooker. Fifty quid a year – I’d rather take the chance it won’t blow up.
• A “with profits” policy from Scottish Widows. I wonder what that was all about?
• Recent mortgage letters addressed to Miss Gardner, even though she’s been married twenty three years.
• The chance for the bargain of a lifetime from the Renault garage. Shame the bargain offer ended a few months ago.
• The receipt and guarantee for the pond filtration system (expired last October)
• Confirmation of my ordering the shed (from 2008)
• A note relating to the scout group’s Alaskan trip of 2008.
• An invite to the Brighton Kite Fliers 2008 AGM
• Urgent notice from the Environment Agency that my house is in imminent danger of flooding (Dated 2008)
• My “thumbs up” from the CRB (dated January 2007)
• My Norwich Union 2007 bonus pack
• A woggle from a scouting event in 2007.
• My old scouting warrant, which expired seven years ago.
• Thirty one bank statements for the snake club (which folded over ten years ago)

It’s amazing what rubbish I’ve found. And I’m not the one who hoards stuff. I should have cleared out this rubbish yesterday – after all, the bin men came first thing this morning.

Mind you, I’m (once again) wondering what I should do about the snake club money. There’s over a hundred pounds in the account. I actually resigned as Treasurer of the snake club over ten years ago, and the new committee did nothing about changing the banking details. And then the club folded within a few weeks of my resignation anyway.

I’ve done some research into this in the past, and whilst I can arrange to donate it to charity, should any ex-club members appear they may well have a claim to some of the funds. I suppose it’s not my money, I’m just looking after it. I’ll leave it where it is for another few months.

And then to work, where I was the subject of some disrespect. Today’s news told the tale of baby Xavier who, despite only being six months old, can walk. My colleagues felt there was an uncanny resemblance. Bottoms will be spanked (!)

I then received a text from “Daddies Little Angel ^TM ” who’d uncovered a painting I once did. I’d forgotten about that one. I’re put it as today’s piccy. I’m rather proud of it.

And in closing, can I remind my loyal readers that this Saturday there’s still (possibly) one or two spare tickets for the E.L.O. tribute band. If anyone fancies a night out this Saturday night, please get in touch…

16 February 2010 (Tuesday) - Tele-Sales

Up early to watch more DVDs. In less than twenty four hours I’ve watched the entire Season Four of BattleStar Galactica. Not bad going, really. To Asda for lunch, and then to work. Dull, dull, dull. Last year I was offered a job at Chatham. Although the money would have been substantially less, I wonder if I should have taken that job.

An early start meant an early finish (for once), and just as I was about to check my emails, the phone rang. “Desmond” from Home Security phoned to tell me about a wonderful bargain. I could be entitled to a wonderful home security package for just one pound!! Wasn’t I impressed? And he would arrange for a representative to contact me without delay. He was rather foxed when I didn’t hang up, didn’t take up his offer, but just said “please don’t”. His script obviously didn’t cover that eventuality. I asked him to be honest. I told him it wouldn’t cost a quid, would it? It would be hundreds, if not thousands of pounds, wouldn’t it? He was rather taken aback by this, but the clincher was when I asked if he’d taken advantage of this offer. He mumbled that he hadn’t. I then asked him how he could possibly expect me to buy that which even the salesman wouldn’t have. He had no answer for that. Bless him.

And on closing, this Saturday I’m going to see an E.L.O. tribute band. Due to various mishaps and misfortunes there’s one or two (four) spare tickets. If any of my loyal readers are free on Saturday night, please get in touch…

15 February 2010 (Monday) - Lieu Time

I did smile as I listened to the radio on the way to work this morning. The education minister was discussing a suggestion to make head teachers more accountable to their staff. The idea was that if a committee of teachers in a school felt that the head was not doing a good job, they could vote said headmaster out. The interviewer suggested that such a plan might be implemented across the entire public sector. The minister said it would be particularly impractical in hospitals because there are so many managers who would be summarily dismissed. And then he realised what he’d said and backtracked somewhat.

Last Wednesday I worked a lot longer than I should normally have, and last Thursday (what with the snow) I put in even more extra time. By the end of the week I’d accrued an extra six and one quarter hours. Today I took that time back. I went into work at 8am, and came home at 9.15am. It has been said that it was silly going in for the hour and a quarter, and it’s a rather sad fact that a few years ago I would have agreed. But under today’s management style, had I taken the whole day (as was suggested) I would have been reminded that I didn’t actually accrue a whole day’s lieu time.

So, being home at 9.30am I set the poor washing machine to full power and washed and ironed like a thing possessed whilst watching BattleStar Galactica DVDs. The household’s laundry was up to date at mid day, but I doubt if that state of affairs will last. I then spent the afternoon watching more BattleStar Galactica. I eventually turned the telly off after ten episodes. Half way through the afternoon the telly gave me an “Automatic Power Down” warning. Apparently the thing switches itself off after four hours if no buttons have been pressed. Or so it says on the Internet. The manual said nothing about it.

I see that two (more) of my loyal readers have joined YoVille. For a very silly game, it’s rather addictive. Today I discovered the bathroom in my Yo-apartment, and realised I hadn’t installed a toilet. Bearing in mind I’ll soon have enough cash to move to a bigger house I’ve decided not to invest in a W.C. Instead I’ve taken to going round the neighbours and using their facilities.

I then went Yo-fishing and caught a marlin and a coelacanth. These long winter evenings are just flying by…

14 February 2010 (Sunday) - Hello World!!!

Over the last year or so I have met so many people who, despite never having met me before, feel they know me quite well because they have seen their friends reading my blog, and they have started reading it themselves.

I have quite a few friends who I meet far too infrequently who, when we meet, comment on what I’ve been up to. How on earth do they know what I’ve been doing?

I write it here, and they read it. As do several friends and relatives across the world who keep up to date with what I get up to via my ramblings.

This blog has developed quite a life of its own, and during the last week, in a moment of curiosity I’ve tried out some tracking software. Whilst the blog’s hit counter gave me an idea of where in the world my loyal readers live, the scale of the map isn’t all it might be. So, bearing in mind that this software was free, I thought I’d plug it in and see if I could get a better resolution on my loyal readership. I expect (like so much else on the Internet) I shall lose interest in this toy fairly soon, but this morning whilst eating my breakfast I didn’t try to kiss people in YoVille. Instead I booted up the new software and clicked the stats button. I thought it made interesting reading and today, loyal readers, I’ll give a little insight into who else reads this nonsense with you.

Excluding RSS feeds, the blog is visited about a thousand times each month. Which is just over thirty times every day.

Over the last week eighty percent of people visiting used Windows as their operating system, fifteen percent were on Macs, some used their iPhone and there are two people who used Linux. (I think I know who one of you are!)

Did you know that of the last hundred people to visit my blog (up to 9am this morning), only sixty of my loyal readers were from people in the UK. Twenty four were from Canada, and eight were from the USA. And there have been odd hits from Belgium, Qatar, India and Malaysia.

Of these last hundred people who’ve read the blog, I know that someone in Milwaukee has regularly tuned in using a Firefox 3.5 browser running on Windows Vista. As has someone in Stony Plain in Alberta. Three of my most recent visitors are in Brighton, all using different browsers (Safari, IE7 and Firefox). There are even some people who wander all over the UK, keeping up to date on their iPhones. I can guess at who the people in Maidstone, Crowborough, Horsham and Kings Lynn are. But I am stumped as to the identity of my loyal readers in Liverpool, Rochdale and Flintshire. Do let me know who you are – you three have got guessing.

And so: on with my life... Last Sunday I mentioned that I’d started the annual painting the fence ritual. I had intended to carry on with it during the week, but the snow put paid to that idea. It was probably too cold for fence painting today, but I carried on with it anyway. I’ve got all the trellises painted green now, and about half of the tops of the fence panels are done too. I painted for an hour, but it was a bit chilly, so I’ll carry on another time. I’ve a few tops of panels to finish, and then I think that will do for this year. The fences were first painted in 2007, and I’ve done them again every year since then. They’ll do till next year.

I then returned to Tesco. Three weeks ago I bought a memory card to go with a digital photo frame for my Dad’s birthday. The card didn’t work. Nor did it’s replacement, or that one’s replacement. So today I went to get a refund. I’ve moaned about the staff in Tesco recently. Today they fully met my expectations – the staff were (as usual) utterly disinterested.

Whilst we were out we also went to WyeVale in Ham Street. Which killed an hour or so. And home where I fell asleep in front of NeverWinter, YoVille and various DVDs.

Sundays are such dull days…

13 February 2010 (Saturday) - Pinball, Wii, Eating Too Much

What with all the extra hours I put in at work last week, I didn’t have time to do what I’ve had in mind for some time. This morning I did it – a website of cycle routes. It’s very much a “work in progress”, but the idea is that eventually we’ll have a comprehensive list of cycle rides from central Ashford to various destinations of note all about an hour or so away. So far I’ve put down all the “primary destinations” of last year’s cycle outings. By that I mean the pubs we aimed for. On several (all) of the cycle trips we came home via other pubs, but at this stage I don’t want to overly complicate the thing. As the snow (hopefully) melts away we’ll be getting the bikes out again, so if any of my loyal readers have any ideas where we might cycle off to over the next few weeks, please let me know.

And then to YoVille where I’m trying to save up to buy a house. I blew some money at the casino. Normally I lose, but today I won twenty five quid before sneaking off for a crafty snog with Lisa’s mum. As virtual worlds go, it’s not bad. I can’t find any pubs in YoVille, but I shall keep looking.

To town for a quick bit of McDinner, and to take my ring to the jeweller’s. Last week I scratched it quite badly, and there’s a great big lump of metal sticking out where I actually tore the thing. It will be ready for fixing next weekend. We then got some supplies from Iceland, and then went to Chris’s where the clans were gathering for an afternoon of pinball and Wii. I was rubbish at pinball, and not much better at the Wii. But lack of ability has never stopped my from doing anything, and the evidence can been seen on You-Tube.

Home, and then round to Brian’s for dinner. Brian and Rachel had spent all day preparing dinner, and it was oh so good. We ate far too much, and I feel positively stuffed now…

12 February 2010 (Friday) - VIPs, Sledges

Snow-mageddon would seem to have abated somewhat, and as I set off for work, the snow was giving way to slush. I got to work early today because (as I mentioned last week) our VIP guest was coming, and I needed to clean up the mess I made up the wall last night. Due to some lax pouring, I’d got blue stain everywhere.

After an hour’s serious scrubbing, we eventually got the sad news – our VIP wasn’t coming. I can only imagine he had found better things to do with his time. I was really disappointed. I’d bought a new shirt especially for the occasion, and I’d been practicing my curtsy all week.

Mind you, after all was said and done, the VIP guest was only Michael Howard (who?). He’s MP for Folkestone, and is retiring in a few months time. I’m not sure why he was coming round anyway. If I was retiring in a couple of months, I’d be taking it easy. But in my world, a retiring MP is probably as about as exciting as it gets.

We’d spent ages tidying up for his visit, and he didn’t show. I shan’t be voting for him again. Not that I ever have.

And then, having found my sledge, at lunch time we went sledging again. I say “we” – there was a general invitation to everyone at work which was met with polite amazement. The four of us who went had a great time. my sledge did quite well, but the Haemo-sledge (patent pending) snapped under the strain of it’s maiden voyage. Oh how we laughed. We nearly flattened the smokers who were having a crafty fag. And under the melting snow we found a frozen puddle that wasn’t quite as frozen as it might have been. And some of us even got snow in our cracks (not me, I hasten to add). And then when we returned to work, everyone seemed rather miffed that they’d missed out. They will be even more miffed when they see the video. As I told them, there’s always next time.

I spent the afternoon aching. It has been said that I am a big kid. It has also been said (only this morning) that I am too old to go sledging. Unfortunately both statements are (probably) true. I might ache (I do!), but I shall keep sledging for a little while longer.