18 March 2015 (Wednesday) - An Afternoon Asleep

Over brekkie I checked the Internet. Cotton Traders were still trying to sell me sub-standard walking shoes, and several Facebook friends ins far-off parts of the world were joining in with (for us) yesterday's "pretend to be Irish" day.

Yesterday with all the excitement of having a near fight I completely forgot that I was in the Park Farm area to do geo-maintenance. I'd gone there to investigate a few reportedly missing caches and came home not having done what I went there to do. So I took my dog back down there to finish the mission. Sure enough the puzzle one was missing. I've replaced it for now. If it goes again I shall have to reconsider the hide.

Interestingly as we were walking we met an elderly couple (with a very fluffy sort of dog) who warned me about the aggresive twit I'd met yesterday. As our dogs played so the elderly gentleman told me of his set-to with the twit who tried to strike my dog. As we talked, the elderly lady exclaimed "that's him" and pointed at the very same bloke with whom I'd had the altercation yesterday. This bloke was a good fifty yards away, and on seeing us he stopped and hurried back the way he'd come from.

The elderly lady and gentlemen shouted a surprising amout of abuse at this chap as he toddled off; and me and "Furry Face ^TM" continued home.

Our walk today was odd. It is one we do at the very least once a month, but this time we did it clockwise (normally we do it anti-clockwise). We took about half an hour less to do the walk today compared to how long we usually take. I wonder what that was all about.

We came home to find a glass still on our garden wall. It has been there since someone left it there on their way home from the pub at the weekend. I've left it long enoough; I chucked whatever was in it and ran it through the dishwasher. If I left it there any longer some hooligan would only smash it.

I sent "Furry Face ^TM" into the garden annd had a little sax practice, then watched this weeks's "Extant". Yesterday I whinged that the TV show "The Flash" wasn't going anywhere. Exactly the opposite is true of "Extant"; I'm going to have to re-watch the lot to remind myself of what's happened.

Being pre-night shift I took myself off to bed and lay awake for an hour or so before finally noddig off. Even with my sleeping better these days I still nod off at times when I wish I wouldn't; and so it's rather annoying not to be able to sleep when I'd actually like to do so...

I'm off to the night shift now..

17 March 2015 (Tuesday) - Stuff

I've found that the simple act of pulling the duvet up over my head helps me sleep longer. I didn't stir until 7.30am this morning. I came down to find "Furry Face ^TM" was still in his basket fast asleep; completely oblivious to the cat which was sitting on the window sill.

My piss boiled somewhat as I looked at social media over brekkie. Last week people who've never heard of the show "Top Gear" or ever read anything written by it's presenter were swearing undying loyalty to Jeremy Clarkson. At the weekend people who've never heard of the Great A'Tuin were distraught over the death of Terry Pratchett.

This morning (St Patrick's Day) seemed to be "pretend you are Irish" day; with people who've never been closer to Dublin than Clackett Lane making out that they love the Emerald Isle. Bearing in mind you can't get further from Ireland than Kent and still be in the UK, why do people feel they have to jump on bandwagons?

I took my dog for a walk. We went out through the park and went along some roads we rarely visit to get to Park Farm. I'd had a report that one of my geocaches had gone missing. Someone had reported "There was nothing here. If it was magnetic an where I think it should be it is now gone I'm afraid". I walked a mile (and a bit) to find there actually was something there. However it wasn't magnetic "an" I'm pretty sure the non-finder had the wrong place in mind.

Mind you for all that I'm being just the teensiest bit sarcastic I'm glad when people log that they couldn't find something. If nothing else it gives me a target for a dog walk.

We carried on into Park Farm where we met an old twat. Fudge went up to his dog and sniffed. Twat's dog sniffed Fudge. Dogs do that. Twat went hysterical, and started swatting and kicking at my dog. Apparently no one and no thing should ever get within twenty yards of this twat's dog; the fact that the footpath was only five yards wide was my problem and not his.

I politely suggested that I would not try to pick a physical fight with someone twenty-five years younger than myself, and even more politely explained the potential consequences of his attempting to harm my dog. I explained just how lucky he was that he'd not actually made contact with any of his attempted blows, and I walked away. It took a good twenty minutes for my piss to stop boiling.

What would I have done if he had actually kicked my dog? I think I really would have punched his lights out. Did I ever mention that I never wanted a dog...

We came home via Pets at Home. We sat in the vets waiting area for a few minutes so's "Furry Face ^TM" could get used to the place. We do this at least twice every week. He's fine with the place *when* he's not got to see the vet. When he has an appointment I have to drag or carry him in. How does he know?

Whilst we were there I got him a bag of Baker's Weight Control food. Vet says he's overweight... despite our best efforts of reducing his food intake and going on walks that would kill a lesser dog he's still not losing any weight. The nice lady in Pets at Home told us that the dried foods (like the stuff he's been having) are full of sugar. That would explain a lot...

I came home and saxed for a bit. And after banishing a howling dog to the garden I saxed some more. I then got a zinger burrito from the KFC for lunch. Not too shabby at all (as "My Boy ^TM" would say) and scoffed it whilst watching the new series on Channel 4. The first episode of "Raised by Wolves" was quite amusing. I hope it continues in that way.

I then spent the afternoon solving geo-puzzles; I've solved two series of the things now in readiness for an upcoming jolly to Brighton whilst my dog slept.

This eveningg the clans gathered in darkest Willesborough where I stayed awake for an episode of "The Flash" (Zoom Zoom). It's quite entertaining, but we're up to episode ten and nothing's actually happened...

16 March 2015 (Monday) - Dog-o-Vision

Regular readers of this drivel may recall that a year ago I got some walking shoes from Cotton Traders that lasted a few weeks before splitting. I was sent replacements and those too split. This morning's haul of emails brought one from Cotton Traders trying to sell me another pair of those very same shoes. Despite having been shown that the things are rubbish, they are still selling them.

I also received notification that last year's surgery had been unnecessary. Apparently nasal polyps can be cured by yoga provided one does not "do encroachment of power." Personally I'll stick with tried and tested medical science.

I then put two collars onto my dog and we went for a walk. One was his usual collar; the other had the webcam attached. Bearing in mind the fun we usually have on our walks, today's was incredibly dull. We didn't meet OrangeHead or any of the usual suspects. Buses, lorries and motorbikes passed by without provoking any reaction at all from "Furry Face ^TM". He pretty much blanked all other dogs. It was as if he knew we were recording and so had become incredibly shy.

There was however a minor (major) problem when we got to Singleton Lake. I lined up an action shot in which my dog would run to me coming down a slope. We were about to go for the first take when I realised a slight problem. The webcam wasn't on his collar any more. Despite having been securely attached it had fallen off somewhere. We went back along the route we'd taken; finally finding the thing laying on the pavement by the traffic lights about a quarter of a mile away. I was pleased to have found the camera. Whilst it was only twenty quid; I still hesitate to put the words "only" and "twenty quid" together.

I re-attached the camera firmly (as I had originally) but this time kept a closer eye on the thing. It managed to fall off again on our way home. If we are going to to this again I need to re-consider how camera will be attached to dog.

Once home I emptied the web cam and set Windows movie-maker to compile the videos into one blockbuster epic, I settled my dog in his bed and I popped into town whilst the computer worked wonders. Last week the CEX shop had six copies of Downton Abbey on DVD. Today they had one. Or that is they claimed to have one. When I tried to buy it they told me they could do season one or season five, but not the one I wanted. And to add insult to injury the milk shake shop was closed as well.

Mind you I managed to get a camera case from the pound shop (and a rawhide chew for "Furry Face ^TM") so my trip into town wasn't entirely wasted.

I came home and found Windows movie-maker had done its thing, so I uploaded the epic to You-Tube for the delectation and general benefit of humanity. The blockbuster took two and a half hours to upload, and then a further hour's post-production processing by You-Tube itself before it was ready for an expectant public.

You can see the video by clicking here. But I feel I should warn my loyal readers that you might be disappointed. I certainly was, and I feature in it (if you look hard enough). From an artistic point of view the video lacks a plot, and from a technical point of view, when the camera isn't focussed on the ground it dwells too much on the underside of my dog's chin.

I need to rig up a different way of mounting the camera.

I spent much of the afternoon in front of the telly. I've become quite keen in the ITV-Encore channel in the afternoon it kicks off with "Brideshead Revisted", then Anton Rogers stars as a TV vet in "Noah's Ark" and it ends up with "Upstairs Downstairs". It's a shame the whole lot is padded out with over an hour's worth of adverts, but such is television.

And with "er indoors ^TM" off bowling as she does every Monday I set about some geo-puzzles. There is a series of the things near Brighton. Supposedly made for children to solve easily, I've managed to figure out twenty five of the total number of thirty.

Five still elude me though....

15 March 2015 (Sunday) - Gotham (in Sussex)

Over brekkie I read something which went some way to restoring my faith in humanity. A German crackpot has been put firmly in his place.

Anti-vaccination campaigner Stefan Lanka (who describes himself as a biologist !) had declared that measles is actually all in the mind. He was on record as saying that "It is a psychosomatic illness," to a local newspaper Suedkurier. "People become ill after traumatic separations." He even went on to offer a cash prize of one hundred thousand Euros to anyone who could prove that measles was caused by a virus.

People who *aren't* completeley stupid have claimed the prize, and fortunately for my nerves a German court has ruled that the evidence submitted by these non-stupid people has proved what we've known all along. Measles *is* caused by a virus; and this twit has been ordered to hand over the prize money.

This fool is now trying to appeal the decision. I would guess that the reason is that he hasn't got one hundred thousand Euros to give. I hope the court enforces this ruling and this twit is bankrupted. I might sound harsh, but people like him are dangerous. With just the teensiest bit of science and a good dose of bullsh*t people like this do untold harm. Let's be clear on this; measles kills. Trying to actively stop vaccinations might not *actually* be cold-blooded murder, but is it that far off?

With brekkie scoffed we rallied the troops and set off to darkest Sussex where we met Dave at the Sussex village of Gotham. It really exists; it is alledged that the tales of the Mad Men of Gotham (based on where we were in Sussex) formed the basis of the Gotham in "Batman".

Once together six of us (and two small dogs) went for a seven-mile geo-stroll. I was in two minds about wearing wellie boots. I hadn't needed them for Friday's walk; I needed them today. It was very muddy; "er indoors ^TM" went base over apex in the mud at one point. I did laugh. Both dogs ate dung as we went (I wish they wouldn't do that), and we even found our signature on an archived cache we'd found down there two years ago.

Despite the poorly marked footpaths we had a good stroll. And a couple of geo-milestones were acheived today. Dave found his five hundredth cache; I found find #4444.

As I often do, I took a few photos whilst we were out too.

We took a rather circuitous route home to pick up a puzzle cache that I'd solved a while back and had been waiting to collect for some time. And with the geo-stuff done I then dozed for the hour's journey home.

Once home I bathed "Furry Face ^TM" who then went staright to sleep. We then had a rather good bit of tea, and with "er indoors ^TM" off bowling I settled down in front of the telly. I spent half an hour with needle and thread stitching up a split seam on my jacket, and then (having found a magnifying glass) had another go with my dog-cam. Now that I can actually read the instructions I can see that they have been translated into English rather badly. I've had another go with the thing; at first sight it looked like it was money down the drain but I have got videos out of it... after a fashion. I shall test it for real tomorrow...

Poldark is on telly in a minute...

14 March 2015 (Saturday) - At Work

After yesterday's walk I had something of an early night last night and was sleeping like a log when at 3am a certain dog declared "Red Alert". I went downstairs to see what was the matter. He was pacing up and down the kitchen; I let him out. He then must have woken most of the neighbourhood with his barking.

Having woofed himself out he finally went back to his basket, curled up and went to sleep.

I went back to my pit, but didn't get back to sleep. I got up shortly before 6am and looked at the geo-map hoping it might have changed overnight. Today is "Pi Day" - if you write out the day's date wrongly you get 3-14-15 which is the start of the mathematical constant Pi. Because hunters of tupperware like these numerical oddities there is a special e-souvenir for anyone who goes out and finds a geo-puzzle today.

Having solved (and found) most (all) of the local ones, and being on a twelve hour shift meant that there weren't any of these puzzles left for me to get with my limited available time today.

I hoped someone might have put one out between Ashford and Canterbury overnight; no one had.

There are a couple of dozen puzzles I might have collected today, had I not needed to be in Canterbury for 7.30am. So that's one e-souvenir I resigned myself to not getting.

I drove to work via the petrol station. In the week I met a right misery-guts in Morrisons; this morning I met another at the petrol station. This sour-faced harridan was reading the newspaper as I tried to pay for my petrol. She didn't even look up as she announced how much I owed for the petrol. I commented that I also had some shopping I wanted to pay for. She sighed loudly and made it quite clear that turning away from the newspaper was a major inconvenience to her.

Just to stir things a little I told her that whilst her petrol was cheaper than anywhere else, her sandwiches were vastly overpriced. She didn't actually say "whatever!" but that was her implication.

I then drove to Canterbury with a van from Menzies distribution trying to drive up my bum the entire way. At no point was this van less than ten yards from the back of my car. I found their phone number (0844 742 4003) and complained. Like the sour-faced harridan in the petrol station they didn't care either.

As I drove I listened to the radio. My piss didn't entirely boil, but it did simmer somewhat. German Muslim teachers are now allowed to wear their hijabs in the classrooms. Canadian defendants aren't allowed to wear them in court. British councils are to be allowed (once more) to start their meetings with prayers.

Am I the only one who can see a problem here? We have the ability to transplant a living heart from a recently deceased person into a dying person to save their life. We can send space probes to other planets. We have built a globe-spanning computer network. And still silly religious trivia is seen to be important.

I got to work, did my thing, and came home to find my dog-cam has arrived. It's a shame the instructions are too small to be read. I need to find a magnifying glass...

13 March 2015 (Friday) - A Walk to Wye

I fancied a spot of geocaching with my dog this morning. When I first started hunting tupperware it was (relatively) easy to plan a walk to find a cache, Nowadays four thousand four hundred cache finds has made it somewhat trickier. The closest unfound cache to home is up a tree; I can see it, I just can't get to it. After that the next closest was just over five miles from home. So, with little else on the agenda today me and my dog set off on foot to Wye.

The route was rather straight-forward; a combination of my standard dog walks took us to the Conningbrook roundabout. From there we followed a couple of geo-trails.on to Wye. There's no denying I was expecting to have to turn back because of mud, but (unlike the last time I was there) we didn't encounter any. The ground was surprisingly dry.

I lost count of the times "Furry Face ^TM" got told off for rolling in fox poo. Fortunately evey single one was old and dry.

There was a near incident crossing a footbridge. You go through a gaate, then onto the footbridge. I let my dog through the gate, then I crossed. I got to the other side and looked back. He was on the other side looking at me. Despite being called, he would not cross. So I went back for him; and he scrambled away trying to crawl under the gate. He did *not* want to cross that bridge. I carried him over; as I did he was trembling in fear.

The walk to the foot of the Wye downs was relatively flat. However once at the downs there was a serious climb. I puffed a little; my dog flew up the hill. At the top we met a pair of posh old ladies who asked if we'd walked all the way from the bottom. I told them we'd walked out from Ashford. They seemed to take offence at that. Was it so hard to beleive?

From the top of the Devil's Kneading Trough we walked along the North Downs Way to our target geocache which we found straight away. We took a moment to do the secret geo-rituals, then followed the path down into Wye village. We both deserved a drink. The Barber's Arms had a bowl of water for dogs aand a pint of mild for me.

In one of life's great flukes we arrived at the railway station just as the train was pulling in. Mind you "Furry Face ^TM" had to be carried on to the train; he didn't want to get on. He seemed scared at first, but soon became entraced with looking out of the window.

From the train station we came home via the kebab shop. Dogs were bathed, and then we shared the kebab meat. My dog then wormed himself beside me on the sofa and snored for much of the afternoon.

I took some photos whilst we walked. It's a good walk. If any of my loyal readers fancy a stroll one weekend we can reprise the entire walk (as a prelude to a visit to the Barber's Arms) which would take about five hours, or we could just walk straight to the pub which would take about three hours...

I could have gone out pubbing tonight. I turned down an invitation reluctantly. But I have got to work tomorrow...

12 March 2015 (Thursday) - Being Ignored

This morning's haul of emails brought one from one of the "Grand Old Men" of the geo-world asking if I could give a hint towards solving a geo-puzzle. I was happy to help, and (to be honest) felt a sense of acheivement. You know you've arrived when those with the highest cache counts ask you for a hint.

This morning's dog walk was round to Frog's Island. As we walked we met a young mother and her small child who were having an argument which they asked me to settle. Small child was insistent that Fudge was a chihuahua. Mother didn't know wat he was, but she was sure she (!) wasn't a chihuahua. I explained that my dog was a Patagonian Tripe-Hound. Mother wasn't having any of this rubbish and asked if I was sure. Keeping a straight face I assured her I was, and asked if she was possibly getting confused with Australian or Hungarian Tripe-hounds. Mother then nodded sagely, and they both went on their way.

Once home I settled my dog, and went for a little drive. Yesterday I mentioned that Curry's had dog-cams. I went there, and was studiously ignored by all the staff. So I went round to PC World where they too ignored me, as did the staff in the Folkestone branch of Currys.

Being in Folkestone I went on to see "Daddies Little Angel ^TM" and the littlun. Baby Jake has got the snuffles. Bless. "Daddies Little Angel ^TM" was ranting about postmen. She too has a postman who would rather put a slip through the door rather than actually deliver parcels. So we walked round to the posting office to collect the delivery ourselves. It's been some time since I last pushed a push-chair.

On the way home I thought I'd give the Folkestone branch of Currys another chance. They thought they'd ignore me again. I popped into Sainsburys to get a pot of their lunch-salad-jollop-stuff. Whilst in there I found myself in the queue behind two young ladies who worked for the UK Border Force. I could tell that from their foxy uniforms; and I could tell they were "on the other bus" from the way they were constantly touching each other.

I considered both the uniforms and the touching to have been something of a result.

And as it was on my way home I thought I'd give the Ashford branch of Currys another chance. And like their Folkestonian colleagues they too thought they'd ignore me again.

Once home I then went on to eBay and bought a dog-cam for quite a bit cheaper than the price at which Currys had them advertised. The thing might take a day or so to arrive, but eBay seem happy to take my money.

I scoffed my pot of Sainsbury's lunch-salad-jollop-stuff; it wasn't very good. And with it scoffed I did the ironing whilst watching a film. "Layer Cake" was an all-action film about violence and gangsters who were getting violent with other gangsters. The film might have benefitted from the addition of a plot, but perhaps that's just me being picky.

Being Thursday I went to sax lesson. Some lessons go better than others; today's was one of the better ones. I learned exactly how to tweak my reed (oo-er!) and Blackadder went well.

I've now got a week to get to grips with "Moon River"...