18 December 2009 (Friday) - Snow

The view from my front door was so beautiful this morning. It only took a couple of minutes to pull the snow off of my car, and off I went. The car slipped a tiny bit as I drove over the snow in the gutter, and there were a couple of icy bits as I went down Beaver Road, but the main roads were eminently passable. The hospital car park was icy in places, but it wasn’t too bad. For several years I’ve never driven in the snow, always walking to work instead, but I shall drive in future.

Perhaps I’m just an old cynic, but I spent today at work in an “I told you so!!” mood. Many years ago when I first took on the responsibility of appointing new staff, I had only one criterion on which I would evaluate potential applicants. Taking as read that someone could do the job and wasn’t a total spanner, I would judge people on how close they lived to where they would be given a job. I never got to apply this criterion though. Apparently it’s discriminatory. The fact that its converse is discriminatory against people like me who live near their place of work is irrelevant. And so we struggled through the day at half-staff on account of the arctic-like conditions which prevented people travelling across the county.

I’m told there were nearly four inches of snow in Maidstone. Oh, I get so cross. One inch of snow is all that is needed for the country to grind to a halt. I see from Facebook that all my younger friends have had a day off school. Which is a shame because it’s clear from Facebook that many of them could do with more days at school.

I’m really hacked off with the snow. I had all sorts of plans for this weekend. The first (astronomy club) has been cancelled, and tomorrow’s trip to Surrey is looking decidedly iffy. And as for whether I will get to the beer festival is anyone’s guess.

Tonight was supposed to be the last astronomy club of the year. This time last year the astronomy club was beginning to eventually come together, and we had our last meeting in Stanhope. This year the club has moved to Woodchurch, tripled its membership, had all sorts of talks, staged a one-day event, and met Sir Patrick Moore. It’s really taken off – a shame tonight’s planned party had to be abandoned because of snow.

Meanwhile in lego-land something odd has been found. It’s certainly foxed “Ginge”, Gervais”, and all the gang. I think it’s something to do with the Bulgarian alien…

17 December 2009 (Thursday) - Carol Singers

As a child, one of the highlights of my Xmas season was Carol Singing. Whilst still at primary school, every evening from early December to Xmas Eve was spent in that way. Not out of any religious or pious reasons, but in an attempt to earn cash. Together with Philip Apps (whatever happened to him?), I had a scheme. During that period we would systematically visit every house within a two mile radius of home (at least twice), and stand on their doorsteps, squalling Xmas carols.

Most people would not answer the door, either being out, or pretending to be out. Many people would politely decline our serenades. Some would tell us to clear off. One memorable chap from School Road in Ore Village chased us up the street, shouting obscenities after us as we ran away as fast as our legs would carry us. And you had to be sure that you weren’t going to be on any other Carol Singers’ patch. As a species, Carol Singers were notoriously territorial, and more than one evening featured fisticuffs with rival bands fearful that we were encroaching on their earnings.

But occasionally, just occasionally, we’d find someone who would take pity on us and give us a few pennies. Maybe one house in ten would cough up. And maybe we’d only get five pence. But those five pences soon added up. In those days forty two pence would get you two pieces of chicken and some chips from the KFC. We would go Carol Singing straight after school, and keep on until we had enough money for our chicken supper. Happy days!!

We had Carol Singers round last night. I gave them a quid. Someone has to keep the old traditions alive.

And then to Folkestone for tea. You can’t beat a bit of Chinese and some profiteroles washed down with a bottle of porter. I then variously kicked ass and got my ass kicked in “Mario Kart”, and then as is traditional on these occasions, slept for an hour or so.

Meanwhile in lego-land, him whith the orange dungarees is pushing a wagon. He might do better being on it…

16 December 2009 (Wednesday) - Back to the Chokey

Regular readers of this blog will know that one of its many features is a “Dates for the Diary” section. So often I find myself forgetting what’s going on, or agreeing to do several things that are all on the same day. Because of this, I’ve listed plans up to a year in advance, so I (and my loyal readers) can plan work shifts, rotas and holidays.

Why can’t everyone else be as organised? One of my favourite pubs is planning a beer festival – it starts tomorrow and runs for a week. Now, a beer festival like this must take some organising, so why didn’t they give me more notice? Having written quite a rant for today’s blog entry, I then went through my inbox – after all I get weekly emails from that pub. I then deleted the rant I’d written. Perhaps I should check my emails more often, or at least actually read them. If any of my loyal readers fancy a pint this Sunday afternoon, please let me know. After all, it would be rude not to support the booze-up.

I then popped to the post office to collect another Xmas card that didn’t have enough postage on it. Royal Mail must be coining it in. And then to the chokey for the ninth time. We were a tad late leaving what with trains being delayed. Today’s lame excuse was a lack of serviceable carriages – that’s a new one. And then McDonalds let me down – usually a never-fail place to get material for “CrackWatch”, today had very scant pickings. But the scran was good. I had something new – the McChicken McWrap and the McCheesy McChips. I’m not sure I could stretch my mouth round a Quarter Pounder just yet.

And then we walked up to HMP Slade. The WAGs were rather disappointing this time. In the past there has been what I would best describe as “boilers” who may once have been attractive in the early 70s, but no one has told them that was nearly forty years ago. And there have been the fit Russians. Today the “Great Unwashed” were only exceptional for their mediocrity.

My ninth visit, and yet another procedure for booking in. It’s never been the same process twice. Only one check-in this time, and no sniffer dog. And very soon we were in with “Norman Stanley” who, whilst being in fine form, did seem to be rather noticeably greyer. Perhaps he needs a haircut? We laughed for two hours, almost but not quite getting him to blow Fanta out of his nose. And all too soon we were hoiked out. Fifteen minutes earlier than usual, because tonight was the chokey’s carol service. You don’t think of prisons as having carol services, do you?

And then home, through the snow. The forecast snow has arrived, and we walked back through a light white dusting. There are parts of the world which contend with metres of snow for months at a time, but over here in the UK, the mere mention of the word is enough to bring the country grinding to a halt.

Meanwhile whilst everyone else is having a whale of a time in lego-land, spare a thought for the poor chap who has to do all the sweeping up. Mind you, he’s not only wearing orange dungarees, but also looking rather proud about it. Perhaps he’s just a little bit special…

15 December 2009 (Tuesday) - Cold

Winter has finally arrived, as my car was covered in ice this morning. And again I had the same tired old conversation with the normal person who lives up the road. Whenever the cars are iced over, he gets up at silly o’clock, and scrapes away at his car with an ice scraper for hours. I come out at my normal time and pour a bottle of cold water over the ice on my car, which melts it. And every time he gets very aggressive because if I do that, he maintains it will shatter the windscreen. The first time he told me this rubbish was shortly after I got my Espace seven years ago. And he’s been obsessive about the subject ever since. You have to admire the faith he has in his belief.

As my course of antibiotics has now run out and the swelling has subsided somewhat, my face has now started to ache. I’m wondering if I did the right thing having that tooth out last week. The stitches are still in place and are annoying, it still hurts to open my mouth to any extent, and there is a sizable solid lump in my lower jaw. For some reason, this lump doesn’t correspond with where the extracted tooth once was. I expect it will be worthwhile in the end, just not quite yet.

Last week I bought a “lucky dip” lottery ticket. I checked my numbers today. You would think that eventually I would get at least one of the numbers, wouldn’t you? Last Saturday’s jackpot was a measly two million quid. I say “measly” – I wouldn’t mind winning it, but when the thing first started, if you won you would be looking at nearer ten million quid. I suppose that, like myself, the general public has got rather disillusioned with the thing. The catchphrase “It Could Be You !!” has turned out not to be the case. Is it that unreasonable for me to want to win several million pounds, and to have a cob-on that I haven’t?

Meanwhile in lego-land, “wierdie beardie” and “the chef“ are having a little tête-à-tête on the newly installed park bench. How sweet.

14 December 2009 (Monday) - Stuff

I’ve often blogged about the astronomy club, I’m very proud to be a member of it. But it’s not the first astronomical society of which I’ve been a member. The first one was some thirty five years ago, at the Hastings Academy for Budding Geniuses. And on reflection it was in many ways similar to the one in which I’m now rather active. That club ran interesting and informative sessions which were held inside (where it was warm and at sensible hours) where I could learn something about a fascinating subject in comfort. And there were episodes of stark misery spent outside in cold muddy fields after midnight (usually in the rain) staring through an unfocussed telescope, whilst listening to the physics teacher persuading no one that the clouds would break soon.

One such episode nearly happened last night. According to the Internet, last night was the Geminid meteor shower. I stuck my head out the back door. It was cold and cloudy, so I came back inside and had another cup of coffee. I expect we will get a video show of the shower at the club meeting on Friday, but I can’t help but wonder how many people up and down the country stood outside in the cold, shivering, desperately hoping for a break in the clouds.

There are two types of astronomer. Those who look through telescopes, and those who look at “Google Images”. I know which camp I’m in.

Having re-set my spam filtering last week, today I got an email from Freecycle. I haven’t had one for ages – they must have been eaten with all the other stuff I never got. Freecycle are a funny bunch. In theory you can use their website to unload the tat you don’t want onto someone who might want it, and similarly get stuff that you want from people who would otherwise throw it away.

In practice they are a sad bunch of “jobsworths” who cling to silly tedious rules that they don’t actually understand themselves. I remember once trying to use them to try to unload a whole load of soil that I excavated for a garden feature (see blog entry for 15 September 2007). It took me several attempts to word the advert in such a way that they would publish the thing. I would send them the advert, and they would pedantically send it back for petty infractions of their rules. Very apologetic, explaining that they didn’t make the rules, they didn’t see the need for the specific rule of which I’d fallen foul, but would I word this bit differently, or that bit differently.

And then the people who use the site - I was giving away an amount of soil that would cost hundreds of pounds, were you to buy it from a garden centre. You’d think people would snap up the deal. I got three replies, all from silly people who were furious that I wasn’t prepared to deliver the cubic metres of soil to precisely where they wanted it. One chap was rather indignant that I wouldn’t bring the stuff to him, asking me how on Earth would he transport soil? Much the same way that I would, I should imagine. Some people just want more than something for nothing.

Today’s email showed me that nothing had changed with Freecycle. The person who’d written it mentioned a previous missive he’d sent out that had caused offence, and was taking the line of being surprised that anyone could ever take offence. Surely because he was the Freecycle moderator, he could say what he wanted? He was also having a moan about people using the Freecycle site to get stuff which they were then passing on as Xmas gifts. If someone saw something I might like on Freecycle and got it for me, then I would be happy. But the administrators of the site would not be. They disapprove of what they describe as “motley grabbers”. Strange people!

Meanwhile in lego-land “Gervais” has found a florist, and is buying flowers. Perhaps he’s taken a shine to the chef so recently arrived. That’s nice….

13 December 2009 (Sunday) - More Decorating

I couldn’t sleep last night – wide awake from 5am onwards. Which wasn’t bad really, considering how I’ve suffered with insomnia in the past. I then checked my emails over brekkie. One of my “Facebook Friends” (a friend of a friend of someone I once met at a kite festival) has emailed me to ask me to join a campaign to get Morris Dancing added as part of the Olympic Games for 2012. He’s serious about it, too. He’s no longer on my Facebook list. My stance on Morris Dancers is well known...

I then spent a little time looking at the “Beer in the Evening” website again. I have this vague plan to put together an evening’s booze-up for the Kent-based BITE roving reporters. There’s a decent pub in Maidstone which might be a good venue, but I’m just a tad nervous about actually organising it. You never know what freaks might turn up. Then again, I did something similar for trekkies in the Ashford area sixteen years ago, and I’ve never looked back. Maybe if any of my loyal readers who’ve ever contributed comments to “Beer in the Evening” would like to come along for moral support (I’ll buy you a pint!) I might just do it.

And then back to the coast (an hour late) to help with the ongoing decorating project. We might have got there earlier, had we not wasted time arguing about the exact sound made by windscreen wipers (Mip, Mip). Today we got the banister, sanded, varnished and painted. The varnish was “natural oak”, and we didn’t get too much of it up the walls or over the floor. Still, we’ve got a tin of left over ”Belgian Truffle” so we can do a cover-up in a few weeks time if need be.

“Daddies Little Angel ^TM ” excelled herself by dipping her paint brush in her tea, and there was a minor mishap as I managed to pull down the phone cable, and then another mishap as the cable was re-secured by nailing through it. But the Internet still worked, so any damage can’t be that serious. One of our number smeared his blood all over the ceiling – we will sort that out when we go back in the New Year to do the glossing.

There was sad news – apparently Daphne has died. I say “sad news” – obviously this is only sad if you actually knew Daphne. In the interests of giving my loyal readers the full facts, I would like to be able to report who Daphne was. I couldn’t get any more information on her other than the fact that she once shopped in the co-op in Cheriton. So I managed to narrow it down slightly.

I then rigged Facebook to give me a daily horoscope. Apparently I’m going to surprise family and co-workers with my moxie today. I’m left wondering what a “moxie” is. My lucky time was said to be 4pm – it wasn’t.

Meanwhile a new chap has arrived in lego-land. He’s wearing a chef’s hat, obviously likes a pint, and bearing in mind he’s matey with the snowman, he is presumably good with snow. I wonder how he will get on?

12 December 2009 (Saturday) - Ladders, Pamper Parties, Stuff

‘er indoors ^TM had her works Xmas do last night, and so woke me at 3am by coming home “quietly”. I now see where the first fruit of my loin gets his “ninja-like stealth”. She woke me again at 8am with perhaps the world’s most foul “Dutch oven”. How ladylike(!) Whilst she cleared off out to flog candles at a “Pamper Day”, I ate breakfast. I had toast and coffee – my first solid food for three days. Oh, it was lovely. I’m sure that I’ve lost weight over the last few days, only having eaten soup and porridge.

The postman delivered the morning’s mail. One Xmas card, and two slips to say we had stuff waiting at the sorting office. Stuff that didn’t have enough stamps on it. So I drove up to Tannery Lane, and narrowly avoiding crashing into the normal person coming the opposite way (woops!), I took my place in the queue. As always when I take I.D., they weren’t fussed about I.D., and I paid £2.34 to get two cards identical to the one they were quite happy to deliver. I could complain, but it would achieve nothing. I shall just bill my mother (!)

Whilst the rain held off, I kicked “My Boy ^TM ” out of bed, and with a ladder borrowed from a neighbour, I had a look at my flat roof. It’s still leaking a bit. It was too wet to re-proof it, but I couldn’t see any cracks or holes. I can only assume that water is getting in under a tile near the front. There is a gap where water might conceivably be getting in. When it’s dry I’ll get back up there and pack it with jollop. In the meantime I took the opportunity to scrape out the gutters (yuk!) We had a card through the door a week ago from some chap who was offering to clean out the gutters for twenty quid. I did the job in less than ten minutes. Perhaps I could do gutters – it might be a nice little earner.

And then I wandered down the road. ‘er indoors ^TM had a stall at a “Pamper Day”, which was being run by the same people who did the psychic fair a few weeks ago. Bearing in mind what a laugh (!) that was, I thought I’d have a look at today’s performance. They’d all set up shop at 10am, and when I sauntered in at mid day I was told that I was the day’s first punter. I’m afraid many of my loyal readers missed a treat today. The “Pamper Day” was brilliant, and the candle stall was the centre of attraction. But it was up against some pretty stiff competition, with Indian head massages (five quid), beads and orchids for sale (overpriced), aura photography (fifteen quid) and someone who’d fiddle with your feet for three quid. I couldn’t understand why the general public weren’t there in droves. And the refreshments - a cup of coffee in a chipped mug was only a pound. I can imagine the executives at Starbucks quaking in their corporate boots. And there was even a bored-looking fit bird in the corner that you could sniff around, should you feel so inclined.

Home for dinner. A sandwich and a bottle of pop. It’s so good to be able to eat again. And then I dropped the most recent fruit of my loin in town whilst I went to Sainsbury’s for Xmas champagne. I say “Xmas champagne” – it’s actually porter, but it is in a big bottle, and my mother will never know the difference (with any luck).

I then took “Daddies Little Angel ^TM ” to the Pamper Day – I didn’t want her to miss out on the fun. Her arrival doubled the day’s attendees, and she made the first (and only) purchase of the day that wasn’t made by a stallholder. Some beads. And then back home to waste an hour or so in NeverWinter whilst waiting for my beloved to return home. “Pamper Day” was abandoned early, and then we went shopping. First to Tesco for the boring stuff, and then to B&Q, ostensibly for light bulbs, but whilst we were in there I got the most wonderful singing reindeer. I have never seen such high quality tat in my life. It’s brill!!

And then another evening wasted in NeverWinter. In retrospect I spent a lot of today being rather bored, but it’s the boring dull days that make the other days seem so good..

Meanwhile in another plane of reality, “weirdie beardie” has been mistaken for a real postman. The Bulgarian alien has a package he wants dealt with.