19 September 2024 (Thursday) - Tashkent to Khiva

Despite all the travelling of two days ago followed by two hour’s sleep I had a terrible night. When the cats weren’t screeching the drunks were shouting. I didn’t think Muslim countries had drunks?

Despite two full-on days, we had another in store today. The alarm went off at four am, and as we packed I could hear other alarms going off. Most noticeably the one in the room next door which was continuous for over an hour. Bearing in mind we were probably the youngest people on this trip I couldn’t help but wonder if the person in the room next door had dropped dead.

 

We assembled in the hotel foyer with all our luggage two hours before breakfast would be served where we met our new guide Fax. The previous bloke had been a stand-in as our proper guide had been unable to get to Tashkent – all train seats had been booked for some huge football event.

We piled onto the coach and were given our promised breakfast boxes. I say “boxes”; a carrier bag containing two apples, a banana and a yogurt of dubious flavour. Have you ever tried eating a yogurt on a coach? It takes some doing.

We drove to the airport and did the entire “airport performance” again and soon were on the plane to Urgench. A four-hundred mile distance to cover would have taken thirteen hours on the coach so we were flying. I nodded off and snored myself awake three times on the flight.

 

It wasn’t long before we were on another coach and setting off to heaven-only-knows-where. We piled off the coach and had a look around an old hill fort. It was claimed that this place was thousands of years old, but made of sand and straw it didn’t look very substantial. I was rather intrigued by why anyone would build a hill fort in the arse end of nowhere. With nothing to defend why would anyone be there, let alone want to attack it?

We piled on the coach and went to the next attraction. The washroom. I say “washroom” – in many ways Uzbekistan is far more modernized than I had been expecting, but so far the toilets are at best feral. But if you like pissing in a hole in the ground the place can’t be bettered.

We did see a lizard outside the washroom so the stop here wasn’t entirely wasted.

 

I had a look at the geo-map. There was one geocache in the vicinity – twelve miles away. As we drove on to our next stop we were getting closer and closer to it, and when we pulled up by some yurts it was only half a mile away.

We then traipsed across some sand dunes to another hill fort supposedly defending some scrap of desert from anyone who would be mad enough to want to attack it. I set off at a pace as it was clear that the geocache I’d seen on the map was in that direction. There’s no denying that “er indoors ^TM” was wilting on the march across the dunes. But we got there. Our guide (Fax) told us all about the history of the place and gave us fifteen minutes to go exploring. By this time we were a couple of hundred yards from the geocache I’d spotted on the map. It didn’t take long to find. I was glad that we found it – the next closest one was fifty-six miles away.

 

We traipsed back across the dunes to some yurts where dinner was waiting for us. A traditional Uzbek meal as the locals would have scoffed years ago. Whilst the yurts were elaborately decorated inside, no one had thought through the logistics of traditionally eating by traditionally all sitting on the ground. We were the youngest on the trip, and getting everyone down to the tables which were only six inches off the ground took some doing. And getting up afterwards was problematical for me, if not anyone else.

The food was plentiful… if you like raw whole tomatoes and cucumbers followed by a bowl of boiled potatoes, carrots and onions then you would have been in seventh heaven.

 

Pausing only briefly to take a photograph of a camel we piled back on the coach and set off on the fifty-six miles to our hotel. I knew it was fifty-six miles as there was a geocache just outside the place. As always the geo-map was rather useful.

 

We got to our second hotel which was rather good. After a quick wash and brush-up we assembled and had dinner in the hotel’s restaurant. We had one of the best meals we’ve had so far on our trip, but sadly that wasn’t up against much competition. After chatting with some of our fellow travellers I found that our guide was able to change dollars into the local money. Before we set off we’d read (in so many places) that the Uzbek people would rather have dollars than their own.

It turns out they don’t.

I changed a hundred dollars into soms, and with one thousand Uzbek soms being worth a shade under six pence, I’m now a millionaire.

 

As I do, I took a few photos today.

I wonder what’s on the cards for tomorrow. I’m worn out – a more restful day would be nice.

18 September 2024 (Wednesday) - Tashkent

Having got to bed at six o’clock in the morning the rep said that the plan for the morning was to catch up on sleep. But with limited time in Tashkent I decided that sleep was for wimps. I’m not convinced that “er indoors ^TM” agreed, but she was scoffing brekkie with me not three hours after we’d gone to kip.

Brekkie was odd; I had a bowl of muesli that tasted of cheap bubblegum and followed it with a plate of cheese and curried tomatoes. 

 

We went for a little walk. As always when anywhere new I sparked up the geocaching map. The noble art of hunting Tupperware is still in its infancy in Uzbekistan, but we still scored three smiley faces (it’s a geo-thing), and as we did we found Independence Square, loads of fountains, and a statue of Amir Timur too.

 

We made our way back to the hotel. Having thought that Uzbekistan would be random huts in a desert we’d been rather shocked to find that Tashkent was not entirely unlike London, Paris or any other large Western city.

Once at the hotel we got a pint and sat outside watching the busy world go by. And it was busy.

 

At mid-day we went to the hotel’s lobby where our group rallied. Having gone on an organized holiday trip we knew there would be other people with us. Half a dozen? A dozen? Our group numbered twenty-seven.

Our rep explained that he was standing in until the proper rep arrived, and took us to what was billed as a traditional Uzbek house for a traditional Uzbek dinner. Salad, soup, fruit… there was loads of it.

And then we got on the coach and set off to have a look round a mosque. And a mausoleum. And the busiest food market you ever did see. Apparently the coach couldn’t wait at the market so we took a tube train to go find it. The Uzbek tube train was frankly amazing if for no other reason than that it wasn’t that different to the one in London. I really wasn’t expecting that. It was a shame that the tube train took us to where the coach was parked at the Uzbekistan Museum of Dull Bits of Broken Pots, but there it is.

 

Having pretended to be enthralled by the broken pots we went back to the hotel. This evening we had been left to fend for ourselves for dinner, so we sat on the hotel’s verandah and had pizza and chips which we washed down with a litre of the local beer and a gin and tonic.

Whilst we’d scoffed the cleaners had been at our room. “er indoors ^TM” wasn’t impressed. She’d not wanted anyone to clean the room as they would see it was in a “pig state sty” (to coin a phrase).

 

I took a few photos today. After yesterday’s late finish I’m feeling all in.

17 September 2024 (Tuesday) - Travelling Hopefully

In the past we’ve fannied around when going to the airport with the park and ride. This time we had a taxi collect us from home and take us there.

We got to Heathrow airport and did the standard farting about. Checking in bags, passport checks, body searches… eventually we were through and with some time to spare we went to the Prince of Wales – the pub in terminal four. “er indoors ^TM” had fish and chips; I had the full English breakfast and a pint of Camden stout.

It wasn’t the best pint of Camden stout I’d ever had; it was a shame that the barman let slip after the meal by asking if I wanted a second pint of Guinness.

 

Pausing only briefly to get “er indoors ^TM” a new handbag (she somehow destroyed her old one) we sat around waiting to be called, and eventually we were on the plane. It has to be said that Uzbekistan Airways put on a good show. The plane was spacious and every passenger had their own monitor on which they culd play games and watch films and music. I watched a “Ghostbusters” film. As I watched the air hostess came round with wine and with a rather good bit of dinner.

 

We took off at mid-afternoon, but what with the vagaries of time zones it was three in the morning by the time we landed. And then we started the tedious process of passports and luggage. As I watched loads of other people milling about I slipped off to one of the nearby stalls and in less than ten minutes my old mobile was running on Uzbek mobile data.

 

As the clock stormed past four am we realized we had a minor hiccup in that no rep from the travel company could be found. Eventually we found him outside the airport; it transpired that he wasn’t allowed inside the arrivals area… if only we’d been told that.

The chap told us on which coach to get, and just as I sat down so some random voice announced that she was very sorry but she had lost all her luggage and had sent her husband to find it. Commotion ensued, and then two minutes later the same voice announced that her luggage was on the coach where her husband had put it, but her husband was now off in pursuit of the luggage he’d put on the coach, and was himself now lost.

 

I took a few photos as we travelled, and with travelling done we rolled into bed as it got light at six o’clock in the morning.

16 September 2024 (Monday) - Packing

I slept like a log again last night which was something of a result. I made toast as I do and peered into the Internet as I do. Facebook suggested I might like to join a group called “Pot Smoking Atheists who like Dogs”. I didn’t join.

There wasn’t much else going on in cyberspace really. I Wordled and got it on the third go after an amazing triumph of pot luck over skill.

 

I took the dogs out for a walk. As we drove to the woods there was some program on the radio about freedom. It was one of those programs that Radio Four specializes in; so nonsensical that you find yourself listening in disbelief that such stark staring gibberish would be spouted on a national radio show. It started with some chap drivelling on about how no one is free unless they have the ability to do whatever they want. But everyone doing what they want will impinge on everyone else trying to do what they want. As is so often the way these days there was a lot of ranting about people’s rights, but very little said about people’s responsibilities. The second part of the show was given over to some Ukrainian poet who had the arse because she seemed to think that the entire Ukrainian conflict had been staged to undermine her freedom to spout bad poetry and so she had fled to England. Not for safety but so she could spout bad poetry in what she considered to be freedom.

 

We got to the woods and walked for nearly four miles. With Treacle away on her holiday I only had two dogs with me. Usually Treacle walks with me whilst the other two run about; today Bailey walked with me pretty much all the way. Do they think I need looking after?

We met several groups of dogs as we walked; the meetings mostly passed off uneventfully. But there was a minor episode with a group of cockerpoos. One of them got into a game of chase with Morgan, and after a couple of minutes Morgan got over-excited as he does. He started trying to nip the other dog. I shouted at him and threatened him with having his muzzle put on. He immediately stopped still, then slinked over to me with his ears down and looking very shamefaced.

I’m seeing that as a result.

 

We came home. I did a bit of ironing, and packed for our holiday, then prepared a gpx file. And then with less than a day to go I had a stroke of genius and spent much of the afternoon trying to get my old phone sparked up and back to life. I had this naïve idea that I might get a data only e-sim card for it. Having spent three hours charging it and updating the software and removing the apps I don’t use and updating the apps I will use, I then discovered that the thing doesn’t support e-sims.

I shall take it anyway and see if I can buy a data only sim card somewhere. Anything would be cheaper that what my mobile provider wants – two quid per megabyte.

 

“er indoors ^TM” went bowling and I watched the last episode of “Kaos” which was rather good.

I really should have an early night – the adventure starts tomorrow.

 

And that’s me done for a little while. The next diary entry on here will (probably) appear in two weeks time. I’m off on my holidays in the morning… 

 

15 September 2024 (Sunday) - Road Trip

I slept well. Over brekkie I had my usual rummage round the Internet. On the Facebook page for my old school people were asking what happened to an old friend of mine. The chap is now a Baptist minister in the West Country; I learned that to some at school he was known as “Captain Caveman”? I don’t remember that…

There was quite the spat kicking off on an American Facebook friend’s page. She was bemoaning the amount oof shootings in America and some friend of hers was getting incredibly aggressive about the right to bear arms and the need to defend himself and his family. Admittedly it is over twenty years since I went to America but is the place really so lawless that people need at least one gun each?

And some half-wit on one of the groups I follow was getting rather aggressive about the revelation that the UK imports electricity from France. Apparently that was all supposed to have stopped with Brexit (!)

Sometimes reading what is posted on social media is more informative about the world we live in than the morning news.

 

We got ourselves organized, loaded up the car and went on a little road trip. Munzing like a thing possessed as “er indoors ^TM” drove we went up to Enfield where “Daddies’ Little Angel ^TM” and “Darcie WaaWaa ^TM” are currently living. We’ve not seen them for a while, and when we met the reaction of my favourite lady spoke volumes. “Nanny!!!” she shouted. Then “BABY!!!”. Then “TREACLE-CHUG!!”. Then “MORGAN!!”. A few minutes passed as she fussed the dogs, then as an afterthought “oh, granddad”.

We went for a little walk to the playpark, then onto the round-and-round playpark where me and littlun played chase for a while before having our picnic.

We then walked on to monkey playpark. I’d not been to Enfield before. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t what I saw. The place was lovely. Well-kept estates, beautiful grassed areas, excellent playparks. It was a shame that a bunch of travellers had set up a caravan encampment on one of the greens and were abandoning all their rubbish.

 

It was so good to see two of my favourite ladies, but time was pushing on. We came home via Epping Forest where there was (and still is) a virtual geocache. We stopped and selfie-ed before getting on the motorway and heading to Sittingbourne.

We had a very good afternoon with Karl, Tracey, Jess and Charlotte. We put the world to rights, we had a very good dinner, I had three pints and a couple of G&Ts.

But again time was pushing on. Treacle seemed settled which was good. She’s staying with Karl, Tracey, Jess and Charlotte whilst we go on holiday. We said our goodbyes, and it wasn’t long before we were in the traffic jam on the M20 which was closed (for no apparent reason) for much of the way from Maidstone to Ashford… not that I noticed as I slept most of the way.

 

Morgan and Bailey are worn out from today. And so am I…

14 September 2024 (Saturday) - FTF, Dog Club, Games Night

As I peered into Facebook as I scoffed toast this morning I saw that a chap I know had posted something. His son was starting work as a trainee paramedic. I thought about commenting but it wouldn’t have gone down well.

Today marks forty-three years since I started working in blood testing. And as I start the longest holiday from work that I’ve had for years I’m wondering… Apart from one hiccup thirteen years ago it’s not been a bad old game. But it certainly wasn’t what it might have been or what I had hoped. When I packed up my previous job of general dogsbody at the Harbour Restaurant (having worked up from being a corporal dogsbody) the boss had one thing to say about going to work for the NHS. He said that I would be comfortable, and that would be the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. Looking back he was right.

Perhaps I’ll feel differently after two weeks off. Perhaps having gone part time I’m finding work is getting in the way. But after all these years I’m rather bored with it.

I sparked up Wordle and in a novel break with tradition I got it in three goes. I always start with “table” and more often than not that is a rather silly first move in that it rarely gives me anything. But today was different.

 

Just as I was rather bored and waiting to get out to Dog Club so my phone beeped. A new geocache. Did we have time to chase it? Well we were nearly ready to go out. A little diversion to our planned drive, a handy parking space, a quick rummage in a hedge and the thing was soon in my hand. First to Find too… Result.

We then drove on to Dog Club listening to Steve on the radio. And I got a “First to Get It Right” on the “Guess the Lyrics” competition as well. “I was walking down the street concentrating on trucking right”. No? Click here for the answer.

 

We got to Dog Club where we had a little experiment. The first time Morgan played up we put his muzzle on him. It stayed on for a couple of minutes and he *really* didn’t like it. For the rest of the session he was rather better behaved than he might have been. He still ran about and played, but there was none of the forceful dominance with which he so often pisses on his chips.

 

We came home. Well, me and the dogs did. “er indoors ^TM” set off to craft club. Being left “home alone” we did what we always do when left home alone. The dogs went to sleep and I cracked on with the ironing.

 

Ironing didn’t take long, and “er indoors ^TM” returned from craft club. We thought we’d spend a few seconds taking the garden table down. It took half an hour to work out how to collapse the thing, and there was quite a bit of blood from where it bit my finger. I then spent another half an hour rearranging the rubbish behind the shed to put the table in there. I don’t want to leave it constantly up as it has left bare patches on the lawn.

I then spent much of the rest of the afternoon fast asleep underneath a pile of dogs.

 

Steve, Sarah and Chris came round for the evening and we had a rather good session on the Infinity Table. I came second at “Game of Life”, last at “Sorry” and I amazed myself by winning “Ticket to Ride”.

 

My finger is rather sore where a lump got chopped out when we were fighting with the table earlier…

13 September 2024 (Friday) - Dog Tablets

I had another restless night. I'm getting fed up with them. I got up rather earlier than I might have done, made toast and scoffed it whilst watching an episode of "Brassic" in which Grumio was again running round in the nip. He seems to do that a lot.

 

It was rather cold as I walked out to find my car. For once I didn't have far to go to find it. I drove round to Sainsbury's petrol station to refuel. The miserable old bat was on the till again, and she was gossiping with her mate. The two of them were managing to do the tills and take the money without interacting with the customers at all as they carried on their conversation. It would seem her mate has some sort of dietary intolerance. The miserable old bat would name a food, and her mate would say how it affected her. As I listened it appeared there wasn't a single thing that didn't either bung her up solid or have her squitting through the eye of a needle (as she so eloquently put it). I'm no consultant enterologist but it strikes me that the obvious thing to do here is to take two foods with completely opposite effects and eat them together. Surely one would counteract the other?

 

As I drove up the motorway the pundits on the radio were talking about the ongoing crisis in dentistry where there is spiralling tooth decay in children.

This is strange... my teeth are crap; as a child and teenager I had filling after filling. But the fruits of my loin had much better fangs as did their generation. When they were younger there was talk of children and teenagers having no fillings at all. I can remember cubs at days out having the most healthy packed lunches. It would seem that now they've grown up they are rebelling and giving their children sugar to sprinkle on their sweets.

And there was talk about how President Putin has seriously got the arse with the Western world for giving the Ukrainians weapons. He's threatening dire repercussions if the weapons given by Western countries supposedly for use on Ukrainian soil are fired into Russia.

It just amazes me that whoever is that is handing out missiles didn't see this coming.

 

I got to work; I did my bit. As I worked I phoned the bank to tell them about next week's holiday, and to tell them not to put a stop on my credit card when they see it is being used overseas. They said they wouldn't. I told them that they said that to several friends only to go on and stop theirs.

And I phoned the vet to organise flea and worming treatments for the dogs. Flea treatments is easy enough; you just rub some jollop on the back of their necks. But getting a worming pill down a canine neck takes some doing. As I found out this evening.

 

I came home via the vets where I picked up the treatments. I popped Bailey’s tablet into a lump of cheese and she yummed it up. Morgan was also easily tricked into having his. But Treacle has seen it all before. I hid her tablet in a piece of cheese. She took the cheese, gave it one bite, spat it all out and quickly ate all the cheese leaving the tablet. I tried again and we had a repeat performance. I pinned her down and poked the tablet down her throat. She glared at me and spat it out. Eventually I tricked her by putting the tablet into a lump of cheese about the size of a golf ball which she immediately devoured before the other two could get any.

 

“er indoors ^TM” boiled up a very good bit of dinner which we scoffed whilst watching another episode of “Race Across the World”. Our heroes were heading out of Brazil into Argentina. Maybe we might go there one day… if only it wasn’t so far away.

 

And in closing today spare a thought for Moonbase Alpha. When I was a lad there was a wonderful sci-fi show on the telly. It was set on a fictional Moonbase Alpha, and they had various adventures as the Moon travelled through space. The Moon was off on its travels having been blasted out of Earth orbit on 13 September 1999.

When I watched that show this all seemed so far into the future... it's now twenty-five years ago. I think it fair to say that the future didn't pan out quite how Gerry Anderson would have had us believe.