14 January 2011 (Friday) - Sat-Nav, Aliens, Cards

The news was interesting today. I *know* I shouldn’t read it – it only winds me up. The news pundits are all relating the story of the Oldham by-election. As is always the case, the first by-election after a General Election was won by the major opposition party. This comes as no surprise – it always happens. This is *not* surprising, especially in a climate where we have a government for which nobody voted and that nobody wants (have I done this rant before?). But over on Google News there are nearly two thousand articles about this election result. Two thousand articles about something which really is quite trivial, mundane, totally expected and utterly unexciting.

It bothers me that you actually have to search to find the news of importance. Perhaps the planet-finding successes of Kepler and COROT together with the mass interest in astronomy stirred up by the recent Stargazing Live programmes have touched a nerve with officialdom. No less an august body than the Royal Society has warned the United Nations of the potential dangers posed by First Contact with extra-terrestrials.

And they may well have a point. After all, mankind *could* launch an interstellar mission within a few years using current technology. It would not be easy, and it would take a massive investment of time, effort and money. But given the right impetus it could be done. What might be the right impetus? Total environmental collapse might fit the bill. (Look at the floods hitting Brazil and Australia).

And with the Earth uninhabitable, and the remnants of humanity unleashed into starships which would effectively be life-rafts, what would be our reaction to any E.T.s we might meet on their planets? Would we be friendly and respectful to them? Or would we merely see them as being in our way on some very valuable real estate that we intended to steal?

Just a thought…

To work, where I received an invitation to a rather dull meeting. Said dull meeting is planned to take place several counties away. The directions to the venue were rather sparse. The directions were merely a post code prefixed with the words “Type this post code into your sat-nav”. It’s a sign of the times that everyone is expected to have sat-nav. Fortunately for me, there is sat-nav on my phone. It’s one of the apps on it that is actually worth having.

It’s a shame that I don’t intend going to this meeting, really.

Home, tea, and then round to South Willesborough for a game of cards. Tonight I amazed even myself when I managed to have a pair of twos beat a pair of aces. But this was more than compensated by my being dealt the seventeen of b*ll*cks later in the evening. (The seventeen of b*ll*cks is a rather unusual card, it has to be said)

Various hobbies come and go in my life, and playing poker seems to be staging a comeback. Personally I think that’s a good thing – I like a game of cards, even if I am rubbish at it.

And in parrot-related news, any possible plans to keep the parrot on a long term basis have taken a further step backwards. It turns out that far from being the parrot’s favourite, “My Boy ^TM ” is as likely to receive a bite as his sister. And today his sister received a bite which drew blood. I saw it happen: “Daddies Little Angel ^TM ” offered the bird a peanut – the bird ignored the food being offered and deliberately bit the finger offering the food.

Having the parrot only being handlable by “Yours Truly” isn’t going to be practical.

But this would seem to be in agreement with what I’ve heard about parrots – they are usually one-person birds. She is truly soppy with me – I can stroke her, fuss her and pet her and she seems to love it. But she is vicious with anybody else who tries to touch her. Having said that, I received a rather vigorous chewing this evening. To be fair to the parrot, I had been feeding her garlic bread (which she loves) and my hands probably did smell tasty…

13 January 2011 (Thursday) - An Assessment

To work, where one of my trainees was to be formally assessed. As an assessor myself I enjoy assessing other trainees. I like visiting other hospitals. I feel I get a lot from the experience; I learn a lot, and (hopefully) at the end of my visit everyone is smiling after a successful assessment. (I failed one once, but that’s another story…). However when I have an assessor in to see one of my trainees I am worried sick. I hate it!

The point of the assessment was to examine the trainee’s pre registration portfolio and to see if he had met all the criteria. I’ve actually gone to the trouble to produce a website all about this pre registration portfolio. Ideally someone else would have done this already, but the formal advice we receive about this is minimal. The idea is that the advice should be minimal to encourage the trainees to be artistic and creative in compiling their portfolio. No two portfolios should be the same; each should show the individual compiler’s input.

Some assessors (like me, I hope) have taken this philosophy on board. Others (to be fair it is a small minority) come along with a fixed view of right and wrong; their way being right and everyone else’s being wrong. I have encountered such narrow minded assessors in the past, and had to fiercely argue my trainee’s worth.

In one such case I challenged the assessor to explain why she felt certain work was not up to the required standard. Her answer was “I don’t like it!”, snarled in a rather arrogant fashion. She eventually admitted defeat very gracelessly. Another assessor once criticised one of my student’s work for having both too much and too little health and safety input. And then went on to refuse to see any contradiction.

As part of the assessment process the assessor interviewed me, and asked if I had any difficulties in mentoring. I told her that I hated the variability between assessors. She laughed, and related her experiences. She’d had dealings with a chap who would only accept work from a student in a question-and-answer format. Essays, case studies, reflections were all worthless to him. I liked today’s assessor. She (like me I hope) knew what she was doing. My lad passed his assessment. That’s now nineteen trainees I’ve overseen to qualification.

Home to the ironing, ably supervised by the parrot. Over tea we watched Time Team; pausing occasionally to listen to next door having a shouting match. In the past we’ve had a very stormy relationship with next door. A few years ago I was to blame for all the world’s ills, and when he starts going off on a rant my heart sinks as I wonder what I am supposed to have done wrong this time. I must admit I’m waiting for the complaints about the noise the parrot makes. And to be honest I will listen to those complaints on the day that they get rid of their piano. But today I would seem to have escaped lightly. They were arguing about money I think.

And then in a fit of boredom I started messing about with my phone. Have you ever felt that everyone else seems to have a sexier phone than you? I certainly have. It’s not so much the phone that is sexier, as the things the phone can do. So I spent a little while browsing to see what apps I might download to liven up my phone. I got an astronomy package that is a load of old rubbish. I got a virtual zippo lighter (for no adequately explored reason). I got a new phone theme that crashed the phone’s software. I got a virtual piano that I can’t play. I decided against installing the virtual protractor and the McDonalds finder. If any of my loyal readers might suggest apps worth having (for a Nokia N8), I’m all ears…

12 January 2011 (Wednesday) - This n That

I was up with the lark (parrot) and was ironing by 6am. I used the opportunity of an early start to watch some DVDs. For some time I’ve been wanting the “Comic Strip” DVDs – a comedy series from the early to mid 1980s. I put the DVD set onto my Xmas list, and I got it. I’ve been watching episodes over the last few weeks, and I’m about half way through the box. I’ll probably watch the lot, but I must admit that its not as good as I remember it. It’s not so much “alternative comedy” as “an alternative to comedy.”

And then before work I went to Sainsbury’s to get lunch. I went there yesterday (for a change) and was quite impressed with their salad bar. For a porker on a diet, this had quite a range of food that would be good for weight loss. (Using the word “food” in its broadest context!). I got there this morning to find the salad bar hadn’t been set up. I was on a late start yesterday and had called in at 11am. At 7.30am today I was too early. I asked what time they set the thing up. I was told it would be about 9am. I pointed out that would be too late for me, and for a lot of people who wanted lunch. They agreed with me – it would be too late. But if they set the salad bar up earlier, then it sells out too quickly.

I did wonder if maybe setting the thing up earlier, and getting more of the stuff in might increase their profits, but what do I know?

Work was the same as ever, and then home to the parrot. When the subject of parrot-sitting was first brought up several weeks ago, the fruit of my loin who was championing the idea assured me that I wouldn’t need to clean up any mess. He would ensure the water and food bowls were filled, he would clean the cage out. He would sweep the carpet.

It didn’t take *that* long to feed, water and clean the parrot out really….

11 January 2011 (Tuesday) - One Week Later

I had rather a late night last night. Being on a late shift I didn’t get home till well after 8pm, and by the time I’d showered and had tea, time was getting on. And F.B. (the parrot) was asking to play. When she’s left alone in the house we put her in her cage just in case she gets up to mischief. She seems quite content in the cage with plenty of toys, and her own radio to keep her company. But when I came home last night she asked to come out. When put in her cage, she sometimes hangs upside-down on the cage’s roof door and says “hold on!”. We’ve come to realise this is her way of asking to come out. When “out” she doesn’t do much more than she does inside the cage, and she doesn’t go very far “out” at all – mostly climbing over the outside of the cage. Having said that, I wouldn’t trust her unsupervised – she does go on “walkabouts” occassionally.

And I wasted quite a while this morning playing with her. As I cleaned her water bowls she kept bothering me to stroke her; she won’t be picked up, but she likes to be petted. I spent over an hour this evening fussing her.

She’s learned new words. “Hello Buffy – give us a kiss” in the voice of “My Boy ^TM ” and “Come on Buffy – get in your cage” in the voice of ‘er indoors ^TM . The latter is a phrase she’s picked up after ‘er indoors ^TM spent half an hour on Sunday night trying to get the parrot to go to bed.

The parrot’s been here for a week, and she’s quite a character. When younger I always wanted a parrot, and now I’ve got one (albeit temporarily) I’m quite enjoying having her to stay. But I have a decision to make. Her owners have decided that they are going to sell her, and as we’ve currently looking after her, we’ve got first dibs. The cost is….. I won’t go into pounds and pence, but let’s just say that I could probably (just about) find the cash. But do we want her here permanently?

She seems to like company – and regular readers of this blog will know that I’m not a stay-at-home guy. All the time it’s wintery we won’t be doing much, and so we’ll be about for the parrot for the next few weeks, but as the temperatures rise, so we will be out and about more. It wouldn’t be fair on the parrot to keep her locked up in her cage for so much of the time.

But I shall blub when she goes….

Another one-week anniversary today is celebrated in that my diet is now one week old. I’ve lost a few pounds – not as many as I might have hoped. But then for all that my food intake is down, I’ve not really started doing much exercise. I must do something about that.

Meanwhile science is excited by the discovery of the smallest planet so far found outside of our own solar system. At 1.4 times the size of Earth, it’s definitely rocky, like our own Earth. However before we start trying to call up E.T., we should bear in mind that the planet is so close to its parent star that it couldn’t possibly harbour life.

Although it’s definitely a very significant discovery in planet hunting, I can’t pretend to be very excited about it. It’s (just) yet another planet in a star-hugging orbit. What would really interesting would be the discovery of planets that are a lot further from their parent star, in (nearly) circular orbits. And the discovery of those will take time – planets close to their parent sun are detectable far quicker than planets further out (I could go into tedious detail…).

The probes doing this astronomy (COROT and Kepler) have only been up and in place for a few years. I think it’s fair to say that if hypothetical similar probes launched at the same time from a hypothetical planet ten light years away wouldn’t have found our own Jupiter yet.

10 January 2011 (Monday) - Blackmail

There was a charity collector outside Tesco’s today. I don’t know what he was collecting for – I made a point of ignoring him. Perhaps I’m being mean, but I resent the way that these people get in your face, rattling their tins and generally using emotional blackmail to get you to support whatever they feel is a worthwhile charity.

Talking of emotional blackmail, my cousin’s commented (on Facebook) that she gave cash to a beggar yesterday. Not because she felt sorry for the beggar, but because she felt sorry for the beggar’s dog. My immediate thought was how could a beggar afford a dog – they cost a small fortune. The initial purchase runs into hundreds of pounds. And the food bills aren’t cheap. By the time you’ve forked out for the vet bills as well, a dog costs thousands of pounds.  If someone is begging to finance a dog, then clearly they can’t afford that dog. And the dog cannot be receiving the treatment it deserves. Where are the R.S.P.C.A.?

Mind you, so many beggars seem to have a dog with them. Is a dog a vital part of begging apparatus these days? I can’t help but think that if the beggar has a dog and is using it to blackmail passers-by into giving him cash, then the animal should be taken from them. Circuses are no longer allowed to exploit animals, why should beggars?

Another form of extortion which boils my piss (to coin a phrase) is the world’s inability to deal with piracy on the high seas. I can understand how highwaymen get away with their crimes. They can hide in the forests and lurk unseen before they pounce out shouting “Stand and Deliver”. But with pirates, it’s different. Ships out at sea can see pirates coming. On a good day pirates can been seen from miles away. And if it’s dark or foggy, then they have radar to detect the pirates. I got to go on the bridge of the ferry when we went from Newhaven to Dieppe. The radar is really good and picks up every little vessel.

So why is piracy still a problem? Sadly the answer is that humanity clearly and demonstrably actually want piracy to remain a problem. Take for example the latest anti-piracy measures. Having seen pirates coming, the potential victims of piracy are to be issued with a bright light with which to dazzle the pirates. Now I don’t want to be sarcastic in any way, but surely pirates have heard of sunglasses?

Am I being so reactionary in suggesting that all merchant shipping be equipped with torpedoes? I really don’t think it would be necessary to sink many pirates before the International Guild of Piracy (patent pending) got the message.

Meanwhile, following on the astronomical theme from the weekend, here’s something to make you sit up and think – an amateur astronomer in Cambridge has been taking astro-photographs that are reportedly every bit as good as photos obtained by NASA. I’m slowly getting the urge to have a go at astro-photographing. After all – you never know what you might find – only last week a ten year old girl found a supernova…

9 January 2011 (Sunday) - Whitstable

I was woken by the phone ringing. Were we going for a walk today? I looked at the clock – it was nearly 11am. Last night’s Stargazing Live must have taken more out of me than I thought. So I rescheduled our walk for a couple of hours and leapt into action.

Once up and breakfasted Batty arrived with some KFC. He fed a (unsalted) chip to the parrot – she seemed to love it. We then set off to Tankerton where we parked up and walked along the coast to Whitstable. It’s a lovely place to walk – there’s the beach huts, the offshore windmills, the view across to Sheppey. And once you get to Whitstable, there’s the Whitstable Brewery bar. Or that is there used to be.  It’s been closed on the last few times I’ve been to Whitstable, and from what I can work out on pub reviewing web sites, it rarely opens any more.

We wandered round the corner to the East Quay seafood restaurant. The advantage of popping in to this place is that they have a bar which does beer from the Whitstable brewery. However the disadvantage is that it’s staffed by arrogant schoolchildren. The chap who (eventually) took our order did so without a word to us, but whilst shouting at another spotty oik that there was too much work for him to do. Said spotty oik then (also wordlessly) slammed down a sign saying that they were no longer serving food. We took our drinks and sat down and chatted for half an hour or so. On reflection, although I’ve raved about the Whitstable Brewery’s Oyster Stout in the past, my home brew is better. And it doesn’t come with the attitude.

Mind you, the East Quay restaurant wasn’t all bad. As we were leaving there was a rather harried looking young lady loitering outside the gents lavatory who wasn’t at all pleased to hear the words “the poo’s not coming out Mummy” being bellowed to any and all passers by.

We then walked back along the beach to the cars, and returned home. For all that I’ve whinged about the bar staff, I do like a walk along the north Kent coast. If any of my loyal readers are free in a couple of week’s time, we might just go for a walk along the Herne Bay seafront.

Once home we opened up the parrot cage and let F.B. out for a bit, and I turned on the telly – “Are You Being Served – the Movie” was playing on one of the more obscure channels. I slept through most of that drivel, and then once tea was scoffed I spent an hour or so preparing my next talk for the astronomy club. It’s not due to be given until next September, but it never hurts to be prepared.

Whilst I was finding out all sorts of stuff about scattered disc objects (what?!) my mobile bleeped. I had a text from the chairman of the astro club. He said “Running a bit late, be there as soon as we can”. I wondered what this was all about – was I supposed to be meeting up with him this evening? I could only imagine this was a text in relation to yesterday’s Stargazing Live event. I went into the details of the text on my phone, and sure enough the message had been originally sent at 4pm on Saturday afternoon. I received it this evening at 6.30pm. It’s rather worrying that a text message (supposedly a form of instant communication) can take over twenty six hours to arrive…

8 January 2011 (Saturday) - Stargazing Live

I have remarked before that God laughs when we make plans. Having been planning for tonight’s “Stargazing Live” event, the club secretary’s father in law has been taken very ill in Dorchester, and so the chap who’s been the lead player in organising the event was suddenly unavailable. It’s a great shame – Jason is so keen and enthusiastic about the club, he puts in so much effort behind the scenes, and with only a day to go, he couldn’t be there.

I volunteered to cover for him (as much as I could), and I was on his doorstep at the crack of dawn, loading all the gear into my car. It’s no secret that my knowledge of practical astronomy is rather pathetic: I’m never going to be much good at a live stargazing event. I can only identify four constellations (five if you count the Pleiades), and probably half a dozen stars. But I can get the keys to unlock and open up the hall, put out chairs, put up posters, make the tea, enthuse to the punters and generally busy about in the background whilst those who do know what they are talking about can get on with impressing the public.

With al the gear in the car I came home and went through the presentation Jason was going to give. Normally when I give a talk to the astro club I’ll have prepared the presentation months in advance, and I’ll know what I was thinking of when I made the slides. I wasn’t quite sure what Jason had in mind, but it was too late to change anything, so I familiarised myself with the slide order, then tried to video the parrot.

Having listened to her jabbering on all morning, as soon as I got out the camera, she shut up and wouldn’t say a word, even to “My Boy ^TM ”, who is very obviously parrot favourite. There was an entertaining ten minutes whilst “My Boy ^TM ” cleaned out the parrot cage. A combination of fascination and hero worship meant he couldn’t get on with the job as parrot was permanently in the way. The more he told her off, the more she got in the way.

But I was getting restless. We’d arranged to meet at the hall in Woodchurch for the astronomy event at 4pm. Bearing in mind we were going to be one man short, I decided to get there early. I’d rather have everything ready and then be wasting time in the hall knowing that all was done rather than having wasted time earlier only to be rushing later.

I opened up the hall at 3pm, and it was as well I got there early. By the time all the other helpers arrived (an hour later) I’d done very little more than opened up the halls, set out the tables & PC, and put up some posters. Normally setting up for a club meeting is rather straightforward. Today the time flew by, and before we knew it, it was 6pm, and the public were arriving. There was a good turn out of club members, but there was a lot of people who’d come along on the strength of having seen the BBC’s programmes in the week.

I have never seen the Woodchurch hall so crowded. With standing room only, we started off with a welcome to everyone. Drew gave a little chat about the size of the solar system, and then gave a quick demonstration of the night sky with the Stellarium software so that people would know what stars and things to look at outside. We then adjourned to the car park where it was dark and clear to do some practical astronomy.

With a dozen or so telescopes out, people were queuing to see things, but everyone seemed quite happy to queue. A few of us pointed out various stars and constellations to those waiting to look through telescopes, and even I managed to attract a small following.

After an hour I popped into the hall for a cup of coffee and I was amazed. For all that the outside practical astronomy session was really crowded, there were at least sixty people sitting in the hall, apparently waiting for the next part of the show to start. So I loudly announced that they had five minutes to escape, or I would give a lecture. To my surprise, those standing at the back of the hall came and sat down and looked attentive.

It turned out that our event had been more successful than we’d imagined – we’d attracted more of exactly the sort of people we’ve already got in the club: a really extreme mix of astronomers. Lots of people who like looking through telescopes. And lots of people (like me) who like sitting comfortably in the warm listening to someone telling them what can be seen through telescopes. And lots of people between the two extremes. With over sixty people outside looking through telescopes, I went inside and lectured to over sixty people about the life of stars. The talk went well, people laughed when they were supposed to, and afterwards quite a few people came up to me to ask about joining the club.

And all too soon the evening had drawn to a close. During the initial introductory session we had a head count, and then made a note of anyone turning up later. We had at least 145 people along, and we heard of lots of people who arrived, saw the packed car park and went away again. I had hoped to try out some astro-photography this evening, but time went by too fast.

I wonder how many people will come to the club meeting at the end of the month….