14 October 2010 (Thursday) - Dull

I see the miners who have been trapped underground in Chile for months have finally been rescued. Many are thanking God for their safe return. Is it so wrong of me to wonder where God was (and what God was doing) when the miners got stuck in the first place

Meanwhile, aficionados of Roald Dahl might be pleased to learn that Willy Wonka’s three course meal chewing gum is no longer purely in the realms of fantasy, but could soon be a reality, due to the wonders of variable strength nanoparticles.

You would think that science had better things to do with it’s time.

It’s been a quiet day in my world today….

13 October 2010 (Wednesday) - More Yetis

Last night the Blogger software was playing up – it kept turning the day’s photo through ninety degrees. I only got the thing right by turning it back through ninety degrees the other way so that it would turn the piccie to how I wanted it. Let’s hope that’s not going to be a feature.

A late start meant I didn’t have to be up at the crack of dawn today. Unfortunately (as I’m sure all of my world-wide loyal readers heard) “My Boy ^TM ” got up rather quietly for work shortly after 6am this morning and so only the dead would have slept through that racket. And once he’d finished crashing about the house, the dustmen came up the road. Unfortunately the dustmen were not in “stealth mode” either, conducting conversations which they bellowed up and down the street. So I gave up trying to sleep and got up. I wrestled with my accounts over brekkie. They weren’t good. Hopefully working overtime on every Saturday morning for the next year will do some good.

Mind you, some economies on the home front might help. For example whenever “My Boy ^TM” eats bread, he seems to feel the need to get a fresh loaf out of the freezer. This morning I chucked out the remnants of five stale loaves of bread, each with half a dozen slices still in the bag. If the bread has already gone stale he should chuck it out; if it’s not stale he should eat it. I shall have a rant at him later, but I doubt he’ll take any notice. He never has so far…

I’d heard a rumour that Lidls were flogging ale at a quid a bottle, so I thought I’d have a look. I’d heard wrongly, but I was able to get some cheap lunch whilst I was there. On Sunday I mentioned that they appeared to be cutting back on the tat that they sold. I was again wrong. The tat was back with a vengeance, this time including pairs of fluffy plastic crocs for a fiver. Now it’s no secret that I’m currently on an economy drive, but no economy drive on Earth would stop me getting fluffy crocs.

And today I found out more news about the Russian yetis. A couple of days I mentioned that the Russian authorities had reported that their yetis had been fighting with bears. An obvious question is who would win in such a fight.

However it transpires that this is a serious question. Were the bears to win, then the defeated yetis merely go back up the mountains to where they came from, and all is well with the world. However if the yetis win, then the bears will be forced to run away (in disgrace) down the mountain to where people currently live. The Russian authorities are so concerned that the bears are going to get their butts kicked that they have taken to leaving out food dumps for bashed-up bears; the idea being to stop the bears coming to local villages for their dinner.

I wonder if I should take sides in the fight…?

12 October 2010 (Tuesday) - Telly and Work

Yesterday I whinged about the power cut interrupting the recording of “Downton Abbey”. I like period dramas, and having sulked that there wasn’t an ITV1 +1 channel I found that the program would be repeated next Sunday evening.  I wasn’t prepared to wait that long and so I was up with the lark this morning and thought I’d just sulk about the bit I would miss because of the power cut. It turned out thet the power cut had been perfectly timed to coincide with the advert break. I didn’t miss any of the program. Sulk averted!

Some time in the mid 1990s I can remember going to the graduation ceremony of the first trainee whose training I oversaw. Since then I’ve formally overseen the training of undergraduate and newly appointed people at work. So far I’ve successfully seen the qualification of seventeen trainees. Today made eighteen.

One of the parts of my job that I like the most is when I get to go to the University or to other hospitals to asses and inspect other student’s pre registration portfolios. One of the parts of my job that I like the least is when someone else comes to inspect my student’s pre registration portfolios. We had such an inspection today.

We had a rather nerve-racking time waiting for the inspector to arrive. And an even more nerve wracking time waiting for him to inspect the portfolio. In the event she passed with flying colours. We knew she would anyway, but it’s still worrying.

For myself I was very interested to see what the inspector thought of her portfolio. I’ve put a lot of effort into producing a website of advice for students compiling pre registration portfolios over the last year. It would seem my efforts were vindicated. He was very impressed, and even asked if he could use one or two of my ideas at his own lab. Engage smug mode…

And then home, where the Rear Admiral had had one sausage too many. How unmoral of him…

11 October 2010 (Monday) - Electricity and Yetis

Last night, just as I was about to publish the day’s blog entry we had a power cut. I mentioned that I’d recently taken to burning ‘er indoors ^TM ‘s lame candles, and that without warning the power went and without that candle I would have been in total darkness. The power went out again an hour later, and again we were in darkness. It would seem that I wasn’t alone – about thirteen thousand other houses were affected.

But I’m not consoled by that at all – I’m rather miffed. At the moment I actually make a point of watching only one TV program a week. And it was during that program that the power went off. And that program was on the only channel that isn’t repeated an hour later. That channel: ITV 1. Can you believe it? All the rubbish and drivel channels have a “+1” option. ITV 1 does not.

I’d arranged a late start today so’s the nice man could come and swap our leccie meter for one that works. I’d had a bit of a ding-dong with the leccie company about what time the nice man would arrive; they’d claimed they couldn’t be more precise than a four-hour window. I’d claimed that was ridiculous – at the very least he could have phoned me when he was finishing the previous job and I could have come home to meet him. After all, their competitors do that.

In the event the chap arrived at 8.30 and was gone by 9.15. It turned out that it wasn’t the leccie meter that was at fault, it was the timer. Our timer was (apparently) as old as I am and was knacked. (I can understand that). We had the leccie meter swapped out a few years ago because that one didn’t work either, and the nice man seemed amazed they didn’t swap the timer then as well. The new meter has a built in timer, but is temporary. Apparently within the next five years it will be swapped for one that is read by a satellite (!)

Meanwhile, half way across the world science has decided to go and look for the abominable snowman. It would seem that science has (in the past) found the thing’s bed and its turds. And, not to be outdone, the Russians have already had a look and have found that their yetis have been fighting with bears.

Am I alone in finding something strange with the fact that British science has had its funding slashed, but the Chinese and Russians have money to burn on wild goose (Yeti?) chases?

10 October 2010 (Sunday) - Mattresses

Yesterday I mentioned we had a new mattress. It wasn’t quite as soft as I was thinking it might be, so that was a result. Mind you, the new pillows are a bit high for comfort. Or that is having two pillows is a bit high, having one is a bit low. I shall thump them tonight and see what happens.

We then went on a drive to get rid of the old mattress. I was all for throwing it over a hedge somewhere in the countryside. As a child in the early 70s I once helped my father to get rid of an old three piece suite that way. I can vividly remember pulling up by a hedge in the black of night, silently pulling knacked furniture out of the van and passing it to my father who (equally silently) hoiked the stuff over said hedge before we sped off as quick as we could before we got caught. They don’t make father-son bonding like that any more. (Thank the Lord!) But in this brave new world of saving the planet from ecological catastrophe, things are different now. Which, in some ways, is a shame really.

‘er indoors ^TM  had advertised the old mattress on FreeCycle. I’ve blogged about FreeCycle before; it is run by the most rude and arrogant administrators, but it is a good way to get rid of unwanted tat. Within half an hour of the advert going up, we had the mattress in the back of my car and were off to deliver the thing to someone who could make good use of it. Personally I wouldn’t want a mattress that has had me sleeping, sweating and farting on it for more years than I care to remember, but it would seem that not everyone is as fussy as I am. It rather bothered me that the people who had me deliver this mattress had a better house than me, and in the driveway was a better car than mine. I suppose (if nothing else) this episode demonstrates why they are better off than I am.

And then shopping. First of all to Lidl where they would seem to be cutting back on the tat that they sell. That’s a shame: the tat is the only good thing about Lidls. And then to Farm Foods where (apparently) the bog roll is cheaper.

Yesterday as we were driving to Eastbourne we saw signposts to Bodiam Castle. I had a vague plan to go there today, but now being on a budget, and having spent too much money yesterday, we knocked that idea on the head. I spent a few minutes coming up with a provisional itinerary for next weekend’s bonfire fun. For those of my loyal readers who will be coming to the Hastings bonfire parade I’ve put a provisional timetable on the “Dates for the Diary” section of the blog. Like most plans I make, I doubt this one will actually bear any resemblance to reality.

I then thought about mowing the lawn. It really needs mowing, but to be honest, I couldn’t be bothered, so I put “Starship Troopers” on the DVD machine and watched that for the afternoon. I enjoyed it, and so put the sequel “Starship Troopers 2” on and promptly fell asleep. After tea I had a mooch round NeverWinter, if only to keep myself awake.

There’s no denying that after yesterday’s fun at Eastbourne, today was something of an anticlimax…

Or so I thought. Just as I was about to publish this blog entry we had a power cut. I’ve recently taken to burning ‘er indoors ^TM ‘s lame candles. It was just as well that I do – without warning the power went. Suddenly the only light was that from the little candle. Without it I would have been in total darkness. The power was out for about fifteen minutes, and from what I can work out from people’s Facebook comments it would seem to have happened over a large part of Ashford. I wonder what caused it…?

9 October 2010 (Saturday) - Eastbourne - Ice Creams & Fireworks

For once I didn’t have to be up early, and so had a lie in till 9am. How cool was that? Mind you if I stay in bed much longer than that I get backache. And so with ‘er indoors ^TM kicked out of the pit we put our new mattress into place. During the week we acquired a new mattress. It just turned up. Things like that happen in my world; over the years I’ve learned not to question this, but to go with the flow.

During the week we laid new carpet by the back door. This morning we used the off-cuts to replpace the bathroom carpet. Over the years it had got rather worn out. Mostly because of  “My Boy ^TM ” refusing to dry himself in the bath and insisting on dripping all over the carpet. He’s been given a lesson in how to use baths and towels, and we shall see how long the new carpet lasts. Whilst we were carpeting, next door’s dogs barked and howled and screamed constantly, despite next door doing her best to shut them up. I know many of my loyal readers are dog lovers, but I really can’t see the attraction.

And then with the clans gathered we set off to Eastbourne for the annual Ice Cream Extravaganza. Normally we leave for Eastbourne fairly early to spend a couple of hours in the pub first, but a combination of economy and common sense had us leaving somewhat later so there would only be time for the one pint before everyone else arrived. And with that one pint drunk we went for ice creams.

There was a dodgy couple of minutes outside the ice cream parlour spent pulling faces at Charlotte, only to find it wasn’t Charlotte, but one of the normal people. Such is life. And then having met up with the birthday girl and the rest of our party, over a dozen of us set about ice creams. Whilst my beloved had a strawberry Pavlova ice cream, I had “Honeycomb Heaven”, followed by banana and malteser ice cream. Meanwhile “Daddies Little Angel ^TM ” was having a “Girl Vs Food” episode which, after the second bucket of ice cream, food won (this time!).

Suitably stuffed we went for a walk along the prom. On the way we went down to the sea and threw stones in the water (and in the Rear Admiral’s mush). We found an open-air stage where I gave a rendition of “Keep Young and Beautiful”, and we had some chips. Having given myself a rather impressive guts ache from over indulgence in ice cream I had this idea that chips might settle my stomach, They didn’t. However I got to meet the nice police lady who Simon had dragged over to be photographed with me. I pretended to be my “special” identical twin, and offered the nice police lady a chip. And another chip. And another chip. She was incredibly patient with what she saw as a “special” gentle giant who was clearly on a day out from the “special” hospital. And then I realised I’d started something, and periodically for the rest of the day I would go into “special” mode and wind up the normal people. I’m not quite sure how, but I managed to keep a straight face when all around me were falling about laughing.

Having said goodbye to those who had to be home for bed time we made time for a crafty pint, then found a good place to watch the fireworks. We dragged the public benches along the sea front to where we wanted them, and then silenced the normal people who said we couldn’t move the benches by moving benches for them. Luminous flashing rabbit ears were bought and activated, a s is always the case for fireworks. And a couple of passing fit birds took a fancy to “Yours Truly” and asked if they could have their photo taken with me. I was up for that!

An old friend recently moved to Eastbourne found us, and after playing sparklers we cheered at the bonfire procession and settled back for one of the best firework displays I’ve seen in a long time. It would have been good to have stayed and checked out the beer tent, but we knew we had a long drive home.

A great day out – a shame Eastbourne is so far away…

8 October 2010 (Friday) - Euromillions

Up at the crack of dawn, ironing done, and off to work. It’s no secret that for all that I grumble about my job I’m a lot happier with it than I was a couple of years ago. The reason is clear – some eighteen months ago I asked for a grade reduction. A fifteen percent cut in wages was accompanied by a ninety per cent cut in stress. At the time, whilst I was actually in the throes of settling into my reduced role I met up with one of the reps who I see from time to time. I’ve known this bloke for years, and he’s now more of a friend than a rep. He’s even on my Facebook list (and I’m getting very fussy over who is allowed on that!) At the time, this chap was not surprised in the least that I was taking a grade reduction. In his line of work he gets to meet a lot of people in my line of work, and he told me that he knew of loads of people who’d taken a similar voluntary downgrading. Today a chap at work with whom I was equal two years ago formally announced he too has asked for (and has been given) a voluntary demotion. I wonder how many more people are looking to do the same?

I’ve just said that I’m getting very fussy about my Facebook list. Does the name “Phil Towler” ring any bells with any of my loyal readers? The chap’s asked to add me as a friend. I see from his profile that he has the possibility of knowing me. He runs the Healing Voice centre in Ashford, so I might have met him socially. However the fact that he already has 2741 friends on Facebook makes me very dubious about the bloke.

Also on Facebook it’s 80s week. I wonder if my recent space of photos from Boys Brigade camps has prompted this?

I bought my Euromillions ticket this evening. For all that my new boiler has meant that I’m going through a “zero expenditure” phase, with a jackpot of over one hundred million quid I thought it was well worth an investment of two quid. Did I win? What do you think? But I can dream.

What would I do with one hundred and twelve million pounds? Well, the first thing I would do would be to smile. And then I’d have to see my friends and family were all right. Mind you, that would take some doing. I’ve done some sums. Giving a million quid to close family members and a quarter of a million quid each to everyone else would come to over forty million quid. But that would still leave me with over sixty million quid to squander foolishly.

As you go to bed, loyal readers, you can content yourself with the thought that in a parallel plane of reality there is another version of you that is (at least) a quarter of a million pounds better off…