6 May 2010 (Thursday) - Ponds and Gardens

I didn’t sleep well last night. I had a nightmare about being forcibly drafted back into the cubs to take command of the pack’s latest acquisition. A man-eating alligator. I’ve been told to blame this mental aberration on the vast quantities of port and cheese I devoured last night.

After brekky we set off back to Abbottsbury – on Tuesday we got tickets for the sub-tropical gardens, and today we thought we’d use them. On the way I made comments about sub-tropical being a cactus under a foot of water. If only…

“Daddies Little Angel ^TM ” sometimes describes her life as being “one tedious ordeal after another”. At the risk of being an old sourpuss, Abbottsbury’s sub-tropical gardens certainly qualify as a tedious ordeal. I’m sure that for those of a horticultural bent the place is wonderful. But I couldn’t tell one plant from another, and it was only finding a fish pond that saved the place (for me!)

Having played with the posh hand driers for a few minutes we went into the café. We laughed at the wierdie-beardie’s inability to pour out a bottle of beer. Mind you if I’d paid the four pounds they were charging just to get a glass of froth, I wouldn’t be very pleased either. We scoffed our jacket potatoes, and set off to Bum Point. Bum Point is the furthest extreme of Chesil Beach, and I was hoping to get a photo of me standing by a sign for the place, but the car parking was a tad expensive, so we gave up on this idea, and went to Bennett’s Water Gardens.

Billed as a series of ornamental ponds, I’d been looking forward to having a mooch around this place. And was disappointed. The highlight of the place was a rather tacky bridge which had been ceremonially opened by Paul Daniels. Clearly there was still a lot of work to be done on the ponds. And I consoled myself with the thought that the ponds were a work in progress and they would be nice when theu were done. On the way out there was a museum of the place. The ponds have been going for fifty years. They were rubbish. I’m sure that given a gang of volunteers I could have had the place looking far better in only a few weeks.

From the water gardens we could see a sign in the distance advertising a kite shop, so we drove over and had a look. And a chat with the nice lady. We came out with some kites. It had been rather windy all week, so we thought we’d play kites. As is always the way, at that moment the wind stopped, and did not blow again all weekend.

Back to the caravan site, and whilst the girls did girl things, we had a go at the crazy golf. I think I will use poetic licence to gloss over my score, but we had fun, which was the main thing. We again took a rather circuitous walk back to the caravan so we could have a nose at other people’s caravans, and then spent the evening watching Shawn the Sheep on DVD.

5 May 2010 (Wednesday) - Slobbing About

For a change I was the first one up and about this morning, and after the obligatory crossword session and some brekky and some telly we found it was mid day. We’d got so engrossed in CBeebies that the time just flew by. It’s quite amazing how kiddies TV has changed over the years. Gone are the days of Rosie & Jim and the Riddlers. Postman Pat now has an aeroplane. Thomas the Tank Engine has been replaced by Chuggington (good!!), and the whole lot is introduced by a unidextrous fit bird. Woof!

We wandered down to the campsite complex to have a look-see. The bar wasn’t offering anything I’d go mad over, but it was a decent enough place to be in, and after a bottle of brown ale we went swimming. There were rumours of a fit lifeguard, but every time I looked there was only a scruffy spotty speccy oik on the lifeguard podium. After we came out, I went back with my glasses on (so’s I could see) but was unable to find any fit lifeguards. I’m thinking it was all a wind up.

Whilst littlun had a snooze (swimming had worn her out) some of the bigguns walked along the footpaths to Chickerell where we got artistic with the cameras. On the way back we walked back to our caravan the long way, and had a good nose at some of the other caravans on site. I have this vague plan to get a caravan….

And then up to Alf’s chip shop to get some tea. Alf does the best chips for miles around, has won awards, and it’s worth visiting just to hear him arguing with Mrs Alf and the children. This evening his daughter’s mate was getting stick for not visiting the dentist. Alf was encouraging all his customers to reprimand the poor girl. I joined in – it would have been rude not to.

A minor bit of excitement – when we got there was a strange looking child outside our caravan. Said child was performing weird dances. But he seemed happy enough, so we left him to it and scoffed out cod and chips, before I wandered down to the complex to fetch ice creams.

Fish and chips and ice cream. Being on holiday is hard work….

4 May 2010 (Tuesday) - Abbottsbury

An hour was spent doing crosswords (it’s a holiday thing) before scoffing brekky and setting off to Abbottsbury – a nearby village with several attractions. They had a deal where we if we bought tickets for two of the things, we’d get the third one free. And we didn’t have to do them all on the same day. So today we went to the Swannery. We started off by playing around in the maze. There were six questions on posts at various places in the maze, and I reported back the answers. I don’t know if we won anything, but hope springs eternal.

And then to the swans. There were hundreds of them. Literally. I think we’d picked the right time to go. At any other time of year they swans would probably be doing what swans do – swimming about on the ponds. But today was part of egg-season, and the swans were all on their nests. About a hundred nests, and all built wherever the swans wanted to build them. Several being on the footpaths. Every nest had an upturned dustbin lid by it, into which the staff would pour food and water on a daily basis. Those swans were spoiled.

We made a point of going to feeding time, where one of the keepers gave a really good talk, and then we wandered back the long way to the café. I had the soup, which was served by a rather “special” looking chef (bless). I was tempted to have a bottle of the local beer with my soup, but at four pounds per bottle I thought better of that idea.

In the afternoon we went to the second Abbotsbury attraction – the kiddies zoo. This zoo was particularly good, with pigs, goats, budgerigars, rabbits, lambs and guinea pigs all available to be mauled by the children. I can only imagine this place must have a very high attrition rate, and must have regular deliveries of new livestock judging by the way some of the animals were being mauled. But Emily seemed to enjoy poking the rabbit in the eye, and I liked feeding the goats.

I think I caught the sun today, and on arrival back at the caravan I had a few minutes kip before tea. And with littlun asleep we settled down to watch “Beautiful Mind” – a really good film about a genius who was barking mad.

3 May 2010 (Monday) - Portland

After a bit of brekky, some crossword puzzles and a morning ablute, we set off to Portland. Yesterday Weymouth was awash with posters advertising Portland’s Bank Holiday boot fair, so we thought we’d have a look. To be fair there were more than half a dozen stalls, but we had seen the lot in twenty minutes. Having said that, I did get a waistcoat which I’ve been after for some time, and a silly holiday hat, so the trip wasn’t entirely wasted.

We then drove down to Portland Bill. Regular readers of this drivel may recall that two years ago we walked from Littlesea to Portland Bill. Having done this trip both on foot and in a car, I can confidently recommend the car. We played tourist and looked at the lighthouse and the monument until the wind got so cold we were turning blue, and then we adjourned for tea and cakes. It was at this point that I realised my watch had stopped. Having got a watch with hands on is something of a novelty for me, and earlier in the morning I managed to bash my wrist. My watch was stopped at that time. I took my watch off and clouted it on the table, and it started going again. So I set it to the right time and hoped for the best. I set about my tea and cake as quickly as possible before the resident spanner came to talk to me. Wearing a cycling helmet whilst cycling is a good idea. You look stupid, but being on a bike you get away with it. Resident spanner was wandering around in his cycling helmet, but with no bike. It’s the sort of thing I’d do to wind up the normal people. Perhaps he was on a wind-up. If so, it worked.

It was at this point that my new camera bleeped and asked me if I would like to update it’s firmware. I told it I would not. I have no idea how I might do so. Let’s hope I don’t need to.

And then back to Weymouth. The kite festival looked even more pathetic than yesterday. Admittedly we weren’t right up close, but from a reasonable distance we could only see two kites, so we decided not to bother with it. Instead we went to Asda for more supplies, and whilst we shopped, seemingly the world and his wife texted to ask why we weren’t at Hastings for Jack in the Green. Maybe next year…?

And then as the weather was clearing up we popped into Matalan for warm jumpers and then went back to base. Whilst Chip cooked a smashing roast dinner, I set about crosswords. After the washing up was done we photographed a glorious sunset and settled down to watch a film – “Master and Commander”. Again I watched the lot, whilst listening to everyone else’s snores….

2 May 2010 (Sunday) - Weymouth (kite festival?)

I was up relatively early, and as is often the case when I’m on holiday I got stuck into a crossword puzzle book. I rarely do crosswords, except when on holiday when I never stop. The puzzle book had an advert for something I might just add to my Xmas list. They were selling illuminated John Wayne Cuckoo clocks. A bargain at only one hundred and fifty quid.

A smashing bit of full English breakfast (with me on the kiddies table), and then off to Weymouth. Pausing only briefly to miss the bus we went into the caravan site’s Starbucks to pass the time until the next bus arrived. Over the years I have developed a suspicion that one or two of my loyal readers are Trekkies, and I’m sure they will be excited to learn that whilst in Starbucks we were served by a Trill. For those who aren’t sad geeky types, a Trill has the most amazing array of zits coming up the neck and around the side of (but not over) the face.

We arrived in Weymouth, and since (totally by chance) we were there at the same time as the kite festival, we thought we’d have a look. I must admit that I’m finding it difficult to be charitable to the Weymouth kite festival, mainly because it was rubbish. Perhaps I was there at the wrong time, but I never counted more than eleven kites in the sky at any one time. Billed as Britain’s biggest beach kite festival, it didn’t come close to any kite-related event I’ve seen before. Even weekend meet-ups of kite fliers in local fields have had more kites in the sky that this place had.

Local shopkeepers all told me the festival has steadily grown smaller over the last twelve years, and none of them seemed to think it did much for the area. The local kite shop owner told me she wouldn’t go as the organisers would charge her over a hundred quid to set up a garden-sized gazebo.

And from a purely personal point of view, I wasn’t overly impressed to be blanked by the organiser and (so-called) friends from White Horse Kite Fliers and Avon Kite Fliers. These people all want to add me as their friend on Facebook, but won’t even speak to me when they see me in person.

I’m finding myself very inclined to write a rather scathing review of the festival for Brighton Kite Flier’s magazine. I wonder if it will get published…?

And then we crossed the harbour and climbed the hill to the Nothe Tavern. I’d done my home work. It’s the sort of pub that looks very “Royston Vasey” from the outside, but is actually *the* place inb Weymouth to go for Sunday lunch. We hadn’t booked, but I smiled sweetly, grovelled, and they said that if we could be in and out in less than an hour they’d do us. That suited us – if the pub is in a hurry to get our table, they will be in a hurry to serve us our dinners. And so some rather excellent food (and rather excellent beer) was promptly served up.

We then mooched up to Nothe fort – a local fort which has been used to repel invaders for hundreds of years. As well as being really well done and interesting, they’d hidden toy mice all over the place in order to make it more interesting for the kiddies. I spent quite a bit of time looking for the mice. I found several. It was only on the way out that we were told we were supposed to count them.

Back to town, and into the Red Lion for a crafty half. They had a band playing outside who were doing all sorts of stuff from the fifties and sixties, and we listened to them over a pint of “Jurassic” from the Dorset brewery, before scoffing ice cream and making our way back to the caravan where, after a kip I wrote out some postcards, had a bottle of Oyster Stout and then amazed myself at scrabble where I played the justly famous “McDonald Move”. It didn’t help me….

1 May 2010 (Saturday) - Off on Holiday

In a novel break with tradition, ‘er indoors ^TM didn’t drive us to Weymouth. As I had a new car to get used to, I thought I’d drive for a change. And as I’ve said before, apart from a sixth gear, it’s virtually identical to my old car. So I hope my loyal readership will forgive my surprise when I got out of the car at the Fleet services and was amazed to find I was driving a blue car, and not the silver which I’d got used to.

Fleet services were entertaining, featuring contingents of SuperTeds and Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. I can only imagine there was a fancy dress contest somewhere along the M3. As we drove through the rain we listened to an annoying rattling in the car, which we eventually traced to the passenger side sun shade. I shall thump that later. We knew we weren’t in Kent any more – as we got closer to Weymouth we saw something that we’d not seen in Kent. They had “Vote Labour” signs. And lots of them too.

We eventually got to our home for the week – Auntie’s caravan in Littlesea Holiday Park, and having unpacked we set off for shopping. Assorted scoff, and just a few bottles of beer to wash down our steak dinner.

And then we watched a film – 2012. I say “watched a film” - I watched the film. Everyone else fell asleep.

Normal Service will be Resumed....

At the risk of disappointing my fifty-plus loyal readers who tune in daily to this drivel, I’m afraid there won’t be any blog updates for a week. I’m off to the seaside.

And at the risk of disappointing any burglars who might be tuning in, the house won’t be empty – the fruit of my loins are still in residence.

So there you are – I’ll see you all in a week. In the meantime, don’t forget to vote (I *still* haven’t decided who to vote for), behave yourselves, and don’t talk to strangers.

See you all soon –x-