27 April 2020 (Monday) - Subordinate Clauses

Over brekkie I watched the first episode of the second season of “After Life”. Starring Ricky Gervais I thought it was rather good. I suppose it depends on where you stand on Ricky Gervais. I quite like the chap, but I know there are those who don’t.

I had a little look into the depths of the Internet; very little had happened overnight, but I finally heard back from the neighbourhood watch people. They sent me a letter touting for trade back in January but I had no reply from the email address or from the phone number they gave. Yesterday I saw someone was talking about it on the local Facebook group. I asked for details, and my inbox has a few messages about what they are up do.

I *think* Neighbourhood Watch is going to be something of a disappointment. I had visions of being part of a vigilante mob guarding the streets form the forces of lawlessness and evil. But I think the reality is that I get to act as a collection point for all the local whingers, and forward their gripes to a disinterested community-support police assistant.

I shall give it a go before dismissing the thing completely out of hand.

As I drove to Pembury on a rather foggy morning the pundits on the radio were talking about how there have been loads of reports of people being poisoned by bleach and disinfectants all over America over the weekend. Last week President Trump mentioned the possibility of using bleaches and disinfectants as a medicine against the COVID-19 virus, and many people took him at his word. Anyone with any sense can tell that the bloke is an idiot, but there are lots with even less sense than him. Which is rather worrying.

There was also talk about easing the lock-down in the UK... or if not easing it, at least making sense of it. For example florists cannot operate from an open market stall in the high street, but can do from inside a supermarket.  People with no gardens are prosecuted for sunbathing on their own in public parks but can work in factories where people are crowded in like sardines.

What's that all about?

I must admit to rolling my eyes as I came through the "-dens" and the "-hursts". Where only a few short months ago there was a *huge* "Vote Conservative" placard, today (in exactly the same place) there is an equally enormous "We Love the NHS" poster. Am I the only one who sees a contradiction here? There are those who would question me "bringing politics into everything" - to those people I would suggest they find out what politics is all about.

I stopped off at Tesco to get some supplies.  Plant food, washing gel, dishwasher tablets... As I shopped I very nearly pointed and shouted at the silly old bat who was wearing tatty latex gloves and picking up and putting down pretty much every item in the shop.

Most of the checkout staff also had tatty well-worn latex gloves. except one who was wearing woolly ones. I didn't quite point and laugh, but I came close.

I went on to work; I did my bit. At tea break I had an Easter Egg. Over the weekend the Nestle corporation had delivered loads of Easter Eggs to the hospital which was kind of them... Part of me cynically wonders if this was some sort of tax loss operation.

We also had home-made cake from a well-wisher who realised both just how important blood-testing is to healthcare and how much blood testers like cake.

I also had an email claiming to be from DWS investments who had "a genuine investment offer for Health Workers and Individuals". They were "offering genuine Investment opportunity to individuals to invest as low as £250 and get a minimum 10-fold profit interest value of £2,500 within 3 working days." If any of my loyal reader know of anyone who is so thick as to be taken in by this scam, please send me their two hundred and fifty quid and I'll invest it for them.

As we worked a colleague told us all of the fun she'd had last week home-schooling her locked-down children. The school had instructed her to educate her children in the intricacies of subordinate clauses. Much like my colleague did, I looked it up on Google. A subordinate clause is one which, typically introduced by a conjunction, forms part of and is dependent on a main clause.

One lives and learns...

I must admit I can't work out how I've managed the last fifty years without knowing what a subordinate clause is… 

26 April 2020 (Sunday) - Locked Down Sunday

I slept for an amazing ten hours last night. That’s quite unheard of. I must admit that in many ways sleep is just a waste of time, but in these locked down days there is very little else to be doing really.

I had a look-see at the Internet and couldn’t believe the row that was kicking off on the Geocaching UK Facebook page. With the hobby effectively banned and all talk of coronageddon forbidden on that page, they were arguing about the BBC’s charity night that took place in the week. Some people just want to squabble.

The local Facebook page was warning of a scam in which some local crook was selling face masks for thirty quid and not delivering, and the local funeral director was touting for trade.

I also saw that a lot of the Munzees I’ve deployed recently have faded. That’s a pain in the glass (as "Stormageddon - Bringer of Destruction ^TM" would say). The print-my-own Munzees haven’t really worked; I’ve spent out and bought some proper ones. I wonder how long they will take to arrive?

As I waited for "er indoors ^TM" to emerge from her pit I cracked on with sorting out the web pages for my planned geo-series. I’ve finally got all the admin stuff done; I just now need for the lock-down to be lifted so I can go out and hide all the pots.

We took the dogs out for a walk. Thinking we might try a different walk we went up towards the civic centre, through the north park and back home along the black alley. (None of which will mean anything to anyone who doesn’t know the back streets of Ashford). But it was a good walk if only for the fact that not one of the dogs kicked off for any reason whatsoever.

Once home I had a quick look at the monthly accounts. Bearing in mind I bought most of the shopping last month I could be a whole lot worse off. I could be a lot better off… but I’m not grumbling. If I can afford to shell out on bar codes to stick to lamp posts I can’t be doing that badly.

Then, as the sun was shining, I sat in the garden for a bit. Rather more abstemious than yesterday I only had one beer as I read my Kindle. It was a shame that Treacle had to get so possessive over the tennis ball she’d found this morning. I don’t mind her and Pogo having play-fights, but Fudge isn’t up to it these days.

"er indoors ^TM" cut up some swede for the dogs – you can see the video of it here. There are some rather impressive crunching sounds. And then we had our scoff. It was rather good. As we scoffed it we watched “Joe Lycett’s Got Your Back” on the telly; a modern-day version of the old favourite “That’s Life”. All it needed was a dog saying “Sausages!” and Ester Rantzen brandishing a willy-shaped carrot.

At eight o’clock we sparked up the Zoom software and had a seven-way met-up. It was good to catch up…

25 April 2020 (Saturday) - Another Day In Lock-Down

After a relatively good night’s sleep I watched the last episode of “Tiger King: Murder Mayhem and Madness” which was a “where are they now” following what has happened to the major protagonists in the story. It was introduced by Joel McHale. I was rather intrigued by this choice of presenter… he obviously felt he should be on camera; I had no idea who he was.

Apparently he is big in American TV?

I had a quick look at Facebook to see that not much had happened overnight, and with no emails worth having I drove to B&Q. I thought my monkey puzzle tree could do with planting properly so I thought I might get some new ground membranes, shingle and plant food. I got to B&Q twenty minutes before they were due to open and saw the queue went twice round the car park.

That tree can wait…

I thought I might spend a little while working on the web pages for the new geo-series I’ve been working on. Whilst the things can’t go live for months, I can get all the admin and paperwork ready. I had a look-see to check over what I’d done so far and saw that I’d put the wrong hyperlink into fifty web pages.

Oh, how I chuckled as I put that right, and two hours later I was effectively ready to start again. Rather than starting again we took the dogs for a walk.

We walked through the park out to the newly-landscaped area behind Singleton Lake. As we walked though the park we saw Cheryl and Rolo. As always Rolo got very over-excited wen he saw our dogs, and picked fights with humungous dogs safe in the knowledge that if anything kicked off, then Pogo would back him up.

We met old family friends Maxine and Beryl at Singleton Lake; it was good to have a little (socially distanced) catch-up.

With walk walked we came home, and spent the afternoon in the garden. With the sun shining and Alexei Sayle on my Kindle I poured a selection of beers down my neck. Having spent a small fortune and endless hours on the garden I really don’t spend anywhere near enough time in it.

"er indoors ^TM" boiled up a rather good bit of dinner which we scoffed whilst watching very old episodes of “Blankety- Blank” on Challenge TV. I’d forgotten just how lame that show was…