12 June 2011 (Sunday) - Rained Off

 

I didn’t sleep very well, and despite a good gutful of ale and port, I only slept for two hours, opening the gate at 6am. I then spent a little while tidying up the wreckage of the previous evening’s drinking session. Being rather “oiled” at the time myself, it never occurred to me to wonder how my nephew’s idiot mates had gotten that oiled as well. I found out as I tidied up. Our half-bottle of Southern Comfort was empty. As was our quarter bottle of vodka. And the full bottle of home made wine the park ranger had given us. And most of the bottles of lager that my brother had brought along. And I’m sure my barrel of home-brew was a lot emptier than how I’d left it.

After brekkie I refilled the water container and gossiped with Simon. And then I had a look at Bryan’ event shelter. For all that I’d spent thirty-plus quid on new gazebos, they weren’t really standing up to the wind and rain that he weekend was throwing at them. And our old folding gazebo has seen better days. A Coleman’s even shelter might just be the ideal solution for a covered area outside our mess tent, or even to replace our mess tent.

Simon then roasted a Camembert for our lunch, and we played Blokus as we listened to the rain of the tent. ‘er indoors ^TM was about to go shopping for the makings of tea when we stopped and had a think. The weather was awful with no respite forecast. With “Daddies Little Angel ^TM ” ill and going home with the next transport, were we to stay overnight there would be four of us to take down a wet camp. At that moment there were eleven of us. So we decided to abandon ship. Normally taking down the camp takes most of a morning. With the concerted effort of eleven of us we were packed up and  on the way home in less than two hours.

We’ve still got a wet mess tent and our tent and it’s groundsheet to dry off, but were we to stay we would probably have had that anyway. Much as I enjoy camping, when camping one is seriously at the mercy of the elements, and today (and all this camp really) the elements had not been kind to us. Which was a shame….

11 June 2011 (Saturday) - Teston Kite Festival

Another restless night, with the noise of rain on the tents, rain falling from trees onto my tent, and zips opening and closing. Following a call of nature I found myself opening the gate to the field at 6am. Perhaps too early to be opening the gate, but I was in the general vicinity of the gate at the time…

Following my ablutions I then dozed in our communal mess tent until everyone was up and about and brekky was served. And as more people arrived I played with my air-yo until lunch time. A bottle of stout with bread and cheese was perfect, and I then dozed for an hour or so. And then the rain had gone, and the wind had picked up a little, so we got out the power kites and played silly beggars with them. After all, is there anything that one can do with a power kite other than playing silly beggars? The Rear Admiral had a go at arsing, but went face first, and was proudly showing blood stains among the grass stains. And then my nephew learned how to fly his delta.

Twenty of us sat down for a wonderful bit of tea, and following washing up we watched the Old Gits playing with their spud gun. And then we wandered back to base camp for a crafty half. On the way back to base camp I was given a message – would I be gatekeeper again? So I locked up, and then……

As the evening wore on, so I got more and more tired, and so I sat and listened to the chat in between dozing. I could vaguely hear one of my nephew’s mates getting rather drunk and raucous and offensive. And then this lad was firmly put in his place. And then another nephew’s drunken mate made a complete tit of himself by trying to act as peacemaker when he should really have gone to bed. Perhaps I should have told the boys off there and then, but they’d been firmly told that they were out of order. And then the first drunken child started pissing in our mess tent. I saw red.

I’ve not actually shouted “Just F@*! Off!!!” at someone for over ten years (that time, it was my boss(!)), and perhaps my ranting and screaming at the drunken child at 2am wasn’t the most opportune time for me to have had a rant. But one of the advantages of being a (generally) amiable and easy-going kind of guy is that when I do have a screaming fit, people sit up and take notice.

I’ve told my nephew it’s entirely up to him to choose his friends, but that this particular friend is not welcome in our campsite again. Harsh? Perhaps.

Following this little bout of excitement the adrenaline was running, and I finally went to bed shortly after 3am.

10 June 2011 (Friday) - It Rained

 

An uncomfortable night: incredibly cold, and ‘er indoors ^TM and her airbed managed to take up all the space in the tent, leaving very little (i.e. none at all) for “Yours Truly”. And it was a noisy night too – the assorted wildlife was making a terrible din all night long, including heart-rending screaming noises. I have since been assured that these screams were made by rabbits falling prey to foxes. But there were a lot of these screams.

I lay in bed till 7am when the urge to tiddle became too much, and I got up to find the field awash with fog. Very scenic. As I performed my morning ablutions I made polite conversation with passing dog walkers; none of whom seemed at all fazed to find a fat balding man (wearing only shorts) having a strip wash and shave in the middle of a field. There was a minor dilemma as I ran out of shaving gel, and I spent ten minutes wrestling with the gas regulator. And having made myself a cup of coffee I then spent two hours sheltering from the rain whilst waiting for everyone else to get up.

After brekky, Jose arrived just in time to see our washing up getting done, and as the rain slackened off to a medium monsoon I put up our second new gazebo. Having been rather impressed with our first B&Q gazebo we bought yesterday, I’d asked ‘er indoors ^TM to obtain us a second one. CA then arrived with littlun, and we put up Bryan’s tent that she’s brought down. We then swapped insults for a little while. She intended to come down for half an hour, and stayed for four.

Time for lunch, and as the rain slackened off, I moved my chair outside. We sampled my latest home brew “Test ‘Un” and had a cheese roll. And then I dozed off, only to wake an hour later to find I was on my own, sitting in the rain. After the thunderstorm had passed I found a wasp’s nest within a few yards of our camp. That was handy (!) so I set up the wasp trap.

By now the tribes were gathering, and the field was starting to fill up. Terry and Irene were on cookhouse, and did a wonderful job of feeding a dozen of us. I am only too happy to wash up when the dinner is that good. And after a second thunderstorm I realised the Rear Admiral wasn’t about. He’d gone to bed with stomach cramps. Realising there wasn’t much we could do, we set about the beer, periodically asking for updates on his progress.

For some reason we’d been selected as being responsible enough to be trusted with the locking of the gates to the field, and so having chased the doggers out of the car park we locked up. And went back to base for more beer. On arrival at base we turned round and unlocked the gate to let in the late arrivals. By now I was worn out with walking up and down the field, so we rewarded ourselves with port and cheese. And then a second bottle of port and more cheese, finally staggering off to bed at 1am.

9 June 2011 (Thursday) - Off to Teston

With the loading up all done, over a spot of brekkie I saw that B&Q were selling small gazebos for seventeen quid, and bearing in mind the weather forecast wasn’t good, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to have some shelter.

We set off arguably far too early and made our way to Teston via B&Q for a gazebo. The traffic on the way wasn’t good, but we arrived on the field before10am, and set to setting up camp. With rain forecast for 1pm I wanted to have all the tents up before the rain started. And we achieved this. We even had time to put the curtains up in “Brown and Smelly” – a tent’s not a tent without curtains. And these were particularly sexy curtains.

Having put the tents away wet two weeks ago I was pleased to find they hadn’t grown any mould.

Another pair of friends arrived in their camping van and caravan, and we greeted our old friends before having an inaugural pint of beer. ‘er indoors ^TM  and Tony arrived shortly after, and we had a bite of lunch, including a Wagon Wheel. Apparently when eating a Wagon Wheel you have to “grin to get it in.” I would recommend that my loyal readers bear that adage in mind (!) And with lunch scoffed I decided to try out my new water-fetching apparatus. Collecting the water at Teston Kite Festival is something of a caper: there is a tap in the gents some hundreds of yards away from where we camp, and in the past we’ve struggled with pliers to work the tap (the tap has no handle), and we’ve strained ourselves holding the water container under the tap (the water sprays everywhere) and we’ve done ourselves mischief trying to haul the water back to camp. This year I was going to simplify the job with a handle and a hose for the tap, and a sack barrow for lugging the filled water container. In theory this should have worked well: in practice my tap handle only worked in one direction. It turned water on. It didn’t turn water off. Fortunately I had a pair of pliers in my pocket.

Having had the forecast rain at 1pm, the weather cheered up, and we got kites out. Whilst ‘er indoors ^TM  flew her spirit nicely, the Rear Admiral and me flew his NASA power wing. I even put on my battle nappy and had a go at arsing. For those of my loyal readers who are as yet unaccustomed to “battle nappies” and “arsing”, a battle nappy is a harness one wears around one’s hips when flying a power kite. The handles of the kite line attach to the harness, and when one flies the kite in a sitting position one is dragged around the field on one’s arse. Hence the expression “arsing”.

And then we sheltered from the rain. Batty arrived and did us fajitas for tea. Very nice! And then my brother arrived to set up his tent. He was only able to come out for one day (Saturday) and so to save time, I’d suggested that he set his tent up early.

Once his tent was up we had a wander round the field, and after he was on his way home we settled down to do the Rear Admiral’s crossword over a pint. There were also mathematical brain teasers which I think had the wrong solutions given. But then I would, wouldn’t I?

By now it was very dark, and we could see some lights in the field. Someone was lamping for rabbits. We left him to it (as it was nothing to do with us) and seeing that the clouds had parted and that the stars had come out, we spent five minutes stargazing. I spotted three separate Castor and Polluxes in various parts of the sky.

And so to bed at 12.30am, where ‘er indoors ^TM was doing a silent version of the Birdie Dance. I am reliably assured she had a valid reason for doing this, but I shall let her version of history give the explanation….

8 June 2011 (Wednesday) - Even More Stuff

Again after having lain awake for ages, I went downstairs and put on a South Park DVD only to wake up with a stiff neck two hours later. And then to work, which was much the same as ever. Fortunately being on an early start made for an early finish, and I came  home to finish the packing. I eventually found “Daddies Little Angel ^TM ” ‘s dingy. It was in a tent bag. I can’t help but wonder whatever possessed me to put it in a tent bag. I also found the washing bowls I’d lost. We’ve now got nine. Talking of lost things, I found the spanner I use to assemble the buggy. I shan’t need it for a year, but I know where it is. I’ve also aquired a length of hose pipe (from the home brew kit) which will hopefully save my back when I’m on water duty whilst at camp. On the other hand I’ve lost my flannel. I shall wash with a pair of pants instead – they will do the same job.

Whilst loading the last of the odds and ends into my car I noticed that my neighbour (the ones that hate me) was parking her car, so I stood and watched. Watching her park her car is a sight to behold. She cuts across the traffic and reverses so that the rear end of her car is square with the pavement – actually at right angles to the position the car should be in. She then shunts forward and backward (sometimes for over half an hour) until she’s turned her car through a right angle and has it parking against the flow of traffic. Having watched her parking (and driving in general) I am convinced that she can’t have passed her driving test. But the car is taxed (and therefore presumably insured).

Talking of neighbours’ the ones we get on with have taken over feeding the Koi for the weekend. She told me that her lad goes to cubs where I was a leader, and that the leaders there send their regards. Whilst I really should pop round and see how they are at some point, I *really* don’t want to because I just know that I’ll volunteer to take on something or other to do with the scout group, and having done the scout thing for thirteen years I really think that I’ve done my bit.

And having got the packing done rather quicker than I was expecting I’ve got the next batch of home brew into a barrel. It’s a light coloured summer ale, and is as yet un-named. Suggestions are welcomed.

And today’s photo is one of the space shuttles docked at the I.S.S. We won’t see the like of this again. (Well, maybe once more). As a child I had such high hopes for the future of humanity….

7 June 2011 (Tuesday) - More Stuff

Having lain awake for what seemed like hours, I gave up trying to sleep and went downstairs and put on a South Park DVD. I selected “Play All”, and woke up with a stiff neck two hours later. If only I could sleep where and when I’m supposed to sleep.

To Asda to buy lunch. Having spent a small fortune on my Kindle, I was somewhat dismayed to see that they were selling Binatone e-book readers at a third of the price of a Kindle.

I contented myself with the fact that I knew the Binatone brand. I can remember that as a child the Binatone brand was (in my experience) synonymous with cheap and nasty. And then I realised that my experience was of thirty-odd years ago. If Binatone are still going after all these years, they can’t be all bad. And so I sulked for an hour or so.

My sulking wasn’t improved by the news on the radio. The government has announced its latest anti-terrorism measures. They are going to stop funding extremists. Wow!! I wonder how many think-tanks it took to come up with that stroke of genius?

And then there was an article about the latest proposed changes to the NHS. I’ve maintained for a long time that the NHS doesn’t need change; it needs years of stability to actually get on with the business of health care, rather than struggling with the business of coping with endless political reorganisations.

Interestingly the pundit on the radio agreed with me. He explained that no reform of the NHS has ever been planned or evaluated. He claimed that all the NHS reforms had been instigated and abandoned at the whim of the prevailing political climate at the time, and likened the reasoning used as being akin to Sooty waving a magic wand.

That cheered me up.

And so home, where I loaded the car up with all the camping gear. I say “all” – I mean enough to be getting on with for today. I’ve got all the tents, chairs and tables loaded up. The more important stuff (like the beer) will be packed tomorrow.

I’ve just realised I’ve forgotten to pack the dingy….

6 June 2011 (Monday) - Stuff

Last night we saw the last (for the time being) episode of Doctor Who. It was quite good, but like all of the more recent episodes, it lacked a certain something. I wish I knew exactly what I expect from Doctor Who episodes, because whatever it is, it is lacking at the moment.

I suspect that I don’t like the attempt at having bits of an ongoing story interspersed in various episodes. They should either have a story in several episodes, or have the stories utterly separate from each other. Having silly little disjointed fragments here, there and thither is not keeping my attention – it’s just annoying.

Doctor Who is now on hold over the summer and returns in September. While I’m keen for its return I’m hoping for the best whilst expecting the worst.

This morning I had an email from Aleksandra; a Russian lady of (presumably) dubious morals. Her email was entitled “Amorous message #17375756”. I must admit I wasn’t impressed at being her 17375756^th choice.

But as well as asking for my hand in marriage, she assured me that she’s never married (a) lady with hazel eyes and brown hair. I’m not sure if that is good or bad.

Here’s an interesting tale. Canadian parents David Stocker and Kathy Witterick have had a baby. That’s nothing unusual – parents have babies all over the world. Baby boys and baby girls. However this baby is neither. Yet. The parents have decided not to tell the world what gender the child is (biologically): the idea being that “they want (the child) to discover him/herself by shielding the child from cultural influences that would otherwise influence gender identity”. An admirable sentiment in a perfect world.

But we don’t live in a perfect world. My first thought was that in this imperfect world all these silly parents are doing is ensuring that the child will receive a serious dose of bullying and victimisation at school should the boy like playing with dolls, or the girl like football.

But then I thought again. If a boy of twenty years ago liked playing with dolls, of a girl of twenty years ago liked football then there might have been problems.Nowadays does it really matter?

I can’t help but feel that these people’s silly idea will achieve nothing other than make the child the attention of a media circus. And if that doesn’t screw up the child’s sense of self-identity, nothing will….