25 February 2018 (Sunday) - Green Chain Circular

I felt a tad rough when I woke this morning. Perhaps quite so many pints of “Snow Top” at 6% ABV wasn’t such a good idea.
As I read Facebook over brekkie I saw an old colleague had died. I first met Alan in the year 2000. I can’t pretend that we hit it off right away. But for ten years there was a mutual acceptance. In 2011 I had one of those episodes when (to coin a phrase) I found out who my friends were. People with whom I’d worked for years sharpened the knives and stuck them in my back. Alan didn’t. He surprised me. He looked out for me. I knew he’s been ill, but he’d only been retired a few years; he deserved a little longer really.
Facebook is useful for finding out things like that.
However on the more negative side one of the committee members of the Geocaching Association of Great Britain was stirring shite on a national Facebook forum, and those who should have known better were fuelling the squabble. I also saw that an ex-friend (who has fallen out with several people) was giving the arrogance to a local Facebook page.
Why do people delight in these arguments?

We got ourselves and the wolfpack together, and drove into London. We wanted a decent dog walk, but this time of year so many places will be mud and swamp. We’ve had our eye on the Green Chain Walk for some time. It’s a linked system of open spaces between the River Thames and Crystal Palace Park supported by the London Boroughs of Bexley, Bromley, Lewisham and Greenwich. There’s all sorts of tarmac-ed footpaths linking loads of different public paths, and some decent fellow had hidden over fifty geocaches on a circular route along the way.
In the week I posted on the Internet to see if anyone would be up for a walk. There were people who wanted to come along, and by one of those co-incidences which make life such fun, we met two fellow hunters of Tupperware just as we were starting.
Seven of us (and my two small dogs) had a rather good walk. Bearing in mind how cold it was, Fudge didn’t have a choice about his coat. For once I stood up to the little pup and he wore it(!) There was very little up or down compared to our usual walks. There was incredibly little mud, but I managed to fall over in what little there was. As we walked we saw squirrels and parakeets, and even an urban fox shamelessly going into someone’s garden. As we walked through one woodland area we found a bra and knickers laying on the ground. Things must get racy in Downham. Because the route went through public parkland we were able to find a table and benches for our picnic lunch; that made things easier, even if Treacle did insist on climbing all over the table.

Geocache-wise this was an excellent walk. Having fifty-plus caches at minimum distance apart clocked up the numbers. And the hides weren’t “another-film-pot-under-a-rock” but a mixture of caches, some of which were rather challenging. Usually I wouldn’t consider so many targets on a winter’s day (wanting the longer summer’s days for this) but this route was ideal for today. We found all but one of what we were looking for; and a quick email correspondence with the chap who’d hidden them made it quite plain that the one that had eluded us has gone missing.
This walk really is what geocaching is all about. We met new friends, and who would think you could walk nine miles in countryside in the suburbs of London?

The plan for the evening was to go down to the Festival of Lights in Cheriton, but by the time we’d got home, had a shower, fed the dogs and fed ourselves, time was pushing on. It had been cold whilst walking today; my nose had only just stopped running. I didn’t want to get it running again. My hip was a tad painful from where I’d taken a tumble earlier, and with an early start planned for tomorrow, a night in front of the telly was in order…
I wonder what’s on?

24 February 2018 (Saturday) - Family Dinner

I wasted a little while this morning whilst my lap-top had an update. Last night I told it to “update and shut down”; totally forgetting that “update and shut down” actually means “do half the job” as half of the update is done on the re-starting.
Once the thing was up and running I sat with my dog and had a look-see at the Internet as I scoffed my (now cold) toast. I had yet another message about the geo-puzzle I’d set a few weeks ago. Most geocaches give you a set of GPS co-ordinates to which you have to go. This one doesn’t. Instead there is a puzzle you have to solve to obtain the GPS co-ordinates. Having solved the thing there is an automated on-line checker into which you put your answer, and it tells you if you are right or wrong. The puzzle is based on (shamelessly stolen from) a puzzle in London. I won’t say what you have to do, but several people have asked me for hints. The conversations go along the lines of “I’ve found the theme but can’t get numbers that fit”. The themes supposedly found so far include Chinese New Years, Morse code, breeds of dog, Chinese restaurant menus… None of which are correct.
A chap had messaged me late in the evening yesterday telling me how I had made a mistake in my sums when I created the puzzle. He had a rather convoluted idea which was something to do with the theory of mathematical matrices (which was utterly wrong), but apparently this was the only possible way in which the puzzle could be solved. Having had his solution get the thumbs-down, the chap had then looked at the list of people who had actually cracked the code and logged that they had made a find. On seeing that the only finders are all very good friends of mine (!) the implication was made that the only way to get the right answer for the puzzle was to be part of the “in-crowd”.
I explained in words of one syllable how to solve the puzzle (by doing something a child of five years old could do and probably does on a regular basis). This morning I had a message to tell me that this puzzle was *incredibly* difficult if you didn’t know how to do it.
I took a deep breath.
Isn’t this what puzzles are all about, be they geocachical, logic, jigsaw or crossword? It is called a puzzle because it gives you something to *puzzle* over. They are *all* difficult when you don’t know the answer.

I then had a look on Facebook. The Facebook feds had messaged me. Last night I had a friend request from someone whose profile picture was brazenly waggling their rather ample tits and they were offering sexual favours. I reported this to Facebook who told me that this didn’t breach their community standards.
So…
My tits are rather humungous, and as a bonus they are furry and tattooed as well. If anyone fancies a “portion”, now’s your big chance…

I went out on a little shopping trip. First of all into town where I had a cheque to pay in to the bank. I popped into Boots as I was passing. They often have film pots which they give away. They are always useful for stashing under a rock (as is popular in certain circles), but today they had none. I then went on to the fishing tackle shop. New line, a few bits and bobs… twenty quid. Ouch!
With shopping shopped I took the dogs round the park. As we walked we met a young family. “Look Mummy – doggies!” exclaimed the oldest toddler. We then had a fun five minutes as two small children fussed the dogs. It is the little things which make life such fun.

Once home I helped "er indoors TM" as we struggled to beat our living room into some semblance of order. We were having a tribal gathering. "Daddy’s Little Angel TM", "My Boy TM" and their respective entourages soon arrived, and we had a rather good afternoon together. Scoffing far too much, salt on our raisins, having a crafty drinkie or two, and a few hands of cards too…

23 February 2018 (Friday) - Perch Fishing

Yesterday I mentioned that I was disappointed to see there was no frost on the cars when I got up. Today I was disappointed to see that there was. Over brekkie I watched an episode of “Plebs”; I’ve seen them all now (for the third time); I shall have to find something else to watch.
I got dressed (five layers), got my defrosted prawns, scraped the ice off of the car and drove round to collect the first fruit of my loin.

We agreed that as the temperature was minus two degrees it might be as well to wait a little while before going fishing. So we went to the Brookfield cafe even though "My Boy TM" is on some sort of diet. As I scoffed my full English breakfast he just had beans on toast. I think his diet is a new thing; he had a Big Mac Grande yesterday. We crossed the road to the co-op for sandwiches, and seeing that the temperature had gone up to only minus one degree we set off for a day’s perch fishing.
For those of my loyal readers who are not of a piscatorial bent, perch are small predatory fish which are relatively common in Britain. The average one weighs in at a few ounces but they do get bigger. The heaviest one caught in Britain weighed in at just over six pounds. Yesterday we had a recce at Sam’s Lakes. We were told there were perch in there up to five pounds in weight, so a day’s hunting perch was the plan.

I am reliably informed that perch like prawns, I used my brain here. (Have I ever mentioned that I am a genius?) My plan was to have one rod with a prawn on the lake’s bottom. With another rod I would float-fish using maggots as bait just above the prawn. I would periodically chuck in a handful of maggots to attract fish. So I would be catching fish on my float-fishing rod which were being attracted to the maggots, and the fish attracted to the maggots would in turn attract the predatory large perch. We both agreed that it was a very good plan…
In retrospect I should really have explained the plan to the fish.
After four hours effort and only one tiddler caught I abandoned my genius idea and went back to my standard way of fishing for carp with flavoured pellets. That worked reasonably well.

When we arrived at the lake at eight o’clock the mud was still frozen. By mid-day the mud had melted and we found ourselves in something of a quagmire. Despite five layers of clothing and my new fingerless fishing gloves I was shivering, and "My Boy TM" wasn’t looking that warm either. We gave up at half past two.
I took a few photos of our fun. You can see them here. We had a good day. We will most certainly go back to Sam’s lakes. But it was oh-so-cold. And I could have probably coped with the cold if we hadn’t had the mud as well. I couldn’t stand up without feeling that I was about to fall into ether deep mud, the lake, or both.
As we drove away we saw from the car’s thermometer that the temperature was a balmy three degrees.

With only a brief stop for geo-reasons we were soon home. I unpacked and took the dogs round the park. I’d warmed up on the drive home; it was freezing as we walked round the park. I was glad to get home for a warming cuppa.
As I unpacked I saw I’d not eaten the sandwich I’d bought at the co-op. Bearing in mind that the temperature outside today was colder than the inside of my fridge I popped the sandwich into the fridge. It will keep.

"er indoors TM" went off out to her mate’s birthday party (or something). Together with my dogs I slept in front of the telly