2 April 2025 (Tuesday) - Dead Butt Syndrome

A few weeks ago we had a run-in with a rather over-excitable horse which I reported to the public rights of way people at Kent County Council. Overnight I received an email from someone called Denis  saying that “Dangerous animals and livestock incidents are enforced by the HSE (Health and Safety Executive)”. I told Denis that a month had passed and it was all rather late.

It must be wonderful to work in a job that has absolutely no urgency.

 

Once I’d scoffed toast and watched another episode of “Orange is the New Black” I got ready for work. I went to my car which was absolutely miles away, brought it to the now vacant parking space outside the house and unloaded all the stuff I got in Whelan’s yesterday. One of the biggest problems with the late shifts is my being unable to park anywhere remotely near the house when I get home. Last night I drove past the house and then circled the local streets for twenty minutes trying to find a parking space. As did at least six other cars that I saw driving round also all trying to park. The trouble is that people don’t park sensibly. Bays that could hold seven cars have five as no one gives a thought as to how they are going to abandon their car.

 

I went round to the co-op to get dinner. Once I'd fed my loose change into the self-service machine I saw Martin getting his shopping. We chatted for a bit, then I set off to work. As I drove the pundits on the radio were playing recordings of yesterday's parliamentary debates. I say "debates"; "petty bickering" would be closer to the truth. Those elected to run the show were squabbling like ill-behaved brats. I was reminded of the fruits of my loin quarrelling when they were small and very tired. Perhaps if someone were to send the MPs to bed with slapped arses the country might be in a better state.

This was followed by an interview with the head honcho of the British Butterfly Brigade who said that butterfly numbers have been on the decrease for fifty years. He also said that buddleias are good for butterflies, so I'm doing my bit. Even if unintentionally.

 

I got to work and did my bit. As I skived so a contingent of senior managers from other local hospitals came through. As they wandered past one of then cheerfully said "hello Dave". I wonder who he was?  Something similar happened yesterday as well. As I was putting petrol into my car the woman at the next pump said hello and started chatting. She clearly knew me even though I had no idea who she was.

And then a colleague was complaining that she was in pain after running on account of her having "lazy glutes", or "dead butt syndrome" to use the technical term.

Apparently people who run or walk a lot get this if they stop running or walking for any length of time... which is probably why a long dog walk is hard work if I've not taken them out for a while.  It turns out that one of the recognised treatments for this condition (in sports clinics) is infusions of the injured person's own platelets. Platelet transfusions are something I oversee every day... but autologous (your own platelets) transfusions can be given for a range of conditions including sports injury and hair loss.

I might just over-over from NHSBT and rub a couple of doses on my head.

 

I was glad when home time came – I think I might have over-done the lifting what I emptied my car earlier. My back was rather tender.

As “er indoors ^TM” boiled up dinner I spotted she’d had a haircut. Go me. We had a rather good bit of dinner which we washed down with a bottle of chianti. Bearing in mind my being up at silly o’clock this morning I’m hoping this will have me fast asleep before too much longer.

1 April 2025 (Tuesday) - Before the Late Shift

After a night filled with vivid dreams of being neck deep in private ponds attempting to harvest water lilies I woke with a rather bad backache. Being the first of the month I shaved with a new razor blade (I’m mean – I make them last) then had my usual look on-line.

Yesterday I’d asked on one of the pond-related Facebook pages if anyone knew anywhere selling cheap lilies. Amazingly there weren’t that many smartarse replies. It seems that there are water lilies for sale for a tenner – in places like Liverpool and Manchester.

For some reason today’s Facebook feed was filled with adverts for matresses. I did a sleep test – my sleep chronotype is “dolphin” . Apparently “dolphins” are ten per cent of people, and they sleep like I do. My sleep score is sixty-six not that this means anything to me.

 

I munzed, wordled (piece – meter – level – jewel).  I saw that the geocache I’d chased after yesterday had been replaced. I couldn’t be arsed to go chasing it again. Instead I took the dogs to Orlestone Woods. It can be muddy there, but it is a shorter walk and closer to home. We went there, had a good walk round the woods and were home about two hours earlier than when we come home from Kings Wood.

 

As we drove home the pundits on the radio were discussing meetings in the workplace. It was claimed that the average person spends over twenty hours a week in meetings and is still expected to do a full time job, and that many people are doing the actual work in their own time in evenings and weekends.

I can remember when I was a manager telling my boss that I didn’t want to go to any more meetings. He knew what he wanted to happen and we could all save time by his simply giving out orders. He replied that I wasn’t a team player.

I also once put in a formal suggestion that a random time of day be picked, and anyone found in a meeting anywhere in the hospital at that time be summarily sacked as they clearly weren’t doing any work. That didn’t go down well.

I was once ordered to a meeting to discuss our workplace’s approach to another upcoming meeting, the outcome of which had already been decided (but we still went through both meetings).

Meetings are an utter waste of time… why do so many people love them.

 

I uploaded last month’s diaries to the backup, put my winter shirts away and got out the summer ones (I change shirts at daylight saving time) and got ready for the off.

 

I went to Sainsburys to get some petrol. I got lunch whilst I was at it, and then set off up the motorway singing along to Ivor Biggun songs. With a little time on my hands I took a small (forty miles) diversion up to Sheerness and Whelans to get some more garden odds and ends. With most places selling garden gnomes at about ten to fifteen quid, Whelans knock them out (unpainted) for a fiver. I got gnome paint and gnome varnish as well. And an unpainted Rupert Bear statue whilst I was at it. Hopefully gnome paint will do for Rupert; if it does, that will give me something to do on my next day off.

 

As I drove back down Detling hill I saw that petrol there was seven pence a litre more expensive than what I'd just paid in Ashford. I smiled a smug smile. The smug smile lasted until I got to the Aylesford Sainsburys where their petrol was five pence a litre cheaper than what I'd paid. That's a variation of twelve pence per litre in twenty-five miles. It pays to shop about.

I bought a box of half a dozen beers for the weekend and some tennis balls for dog club, then went on to work. I parked up... and fell asleep.

Fortunately  I woke in time for the late shift and as is so often the case all the good bits of the day were over and done with by the early afternoon. I don't dislike my job like I used to... but sometimes I do find that work is hard work...

31 March 2025 (Monday) - Rather Busy

Yesterday I acquired a pile of laundry from the most recent fruit of my loin. Having got two loads sorted last night, finding myself awake at four o’clock this morning I put a third load in, and went back to bed for a bit. That load was out on the line and the last lot was in washing by half past seven.

 

Before I shaved I stepped on the scales. I’ve shifted another pound this week. I made toast and had my usual look at the Internet. It was much the same as ever. People all around the world were finding fault with President Trump… including some Lutheran bishops who’ve got the arse because the President has established a new task force to eradicate anti-Christian bias. You’d think that bishops would like someone going round enforcing their crackpot nonsense wouldn’t you? It turns out that the crackpot nonsense being enforced isn’t exactly their specific interpretation of crackpot nonsense. There’s religion for you. From my days of being a Steward in the Methodist church I know that there’s not two so-called Christians on the planet who actually believe the same thing.

Two good friends had birthdays today; neither of whom I see often enough these days. One lives in Cheltenham and we’re hoping to go down to visit later in the year – we’ve been looking at dog friendly B&Bs in the area. The other was someone with whom I walked to school every day for years. We were in the Boys Brigade together, went fishing and drinking together… he’s lived in Sweden for over thirty years. We meet up on rare occasions. Did you know there’s no ferries from the UK to Scandinavia any more? Whenever he comes to the UK he faces a car drive of a thousand miles.

I munzed, got Wordle (booty) on the fourth attempt following shine, black and brood, hung out a second load of washing, put a third load in, then took the dogs out.

 

We went up to the woods where we had a good walk. Relatively uneventful… up to the point where Bailey found a leg bone. She had been rather subdued earlier; eating grass in the garden this morning. She had bellyache and then ate the foul muck she found when we are out. Like a deer’s leg bone.

 

We came home where I sorted us a cuppa, hung out more washing then went on a little road trip.

A new geocache had gone live in Tenterden. Normally I wouldn’t have bothered but I could combine that with some garden shopping. Or so I thought.

I got to Turner’s field in Tenterden where I drew a blank. The description said “directly above you is a branch, there is a hole in the top of the branch”. The branches I could reach had nothing. There was an obvious-looking hidey-hole about fifteen feet up, but I wasn’t going to climb up. It later transpired that the chap whose geocache it was is a complete novice, and he plans to put the thing out tomorrow.

 

From there I drove down to Rolvenden and World of Water. The filter in my little pond needs cleaning out with annoying regularity. I had this idea that a pressure filter (like the big pond has) might be a plan. Sadly the smallest available is designed for a pond five times the size and costs over two hundred quid.

I had a look at water lilies too. Last year they were being sold for twelve quid a plant. This year the going rate is twenty-five quid.

I came home via Tenterden garden centre where the water lilies were going at thirty quid each.

If any of my loyal readers know of a pond or river that has water lilies… Failing that I’m going to send “My Boy ^TM” into the pond the next time he goes fishing.

 

I voomed round the garden with the bionic burner, then once I’d arranged a car service for next week I had a look on Amazon. They had water lilies… three for twenty quid. It pays to shop around. However these were billed as “maximum depth 30 cm” so that’s no good. The garden gnomes on Amazon were (surprisingly) more expensive than Whelan’s. I ordered some fish food for the pond fish though. Rather than just re-ordering what I used to get I had a look, and for two quid more than I usually spend I got a bag of over twice the size. With Darcie now eating the fish food (as well as the dogs) I need as much as I can get.

 

“er indoors ^TM” boiled up fish and chips then went bowling. I settled on the sofa underneath a pile of dogs and watched “Orange is the New Black”.

Today was supposedly a day off – I’m worn out.

30 March 2025 (Sunday) - Early Shift

For years I've been struggling with a bedside clock with a very small LED display which I simply can't see from the bed without lifting my head and squinting my eyes. My new one arrived yesterday evening; good old Amazon. It took a bit of farting around to set up but I've now got a clock which projects the time onto the ceiling. I love it. It was reduced from over thirty quid to eight quid - it pays to look at the bargain pages on Amazon. Sadly it came with a USB connection rather than a plug, but such is life. I certainly slept a bit better being able to just look upwards whenever I wondered what the time was rather than having to lift my carcass up. 

It was a shame that “er indoors ^TM” and her entourage had to be quite so noisy when they all went to the loo at three o'clock, and an even bigger shame that the stupidity that is daylight saving had to happen last night but there it is. With an alarm set I was wide awake at five o'clock (or four o'clock as it would have been yesterday). I got up, made toast and watched an episode of "Orange is the New Black" in which everyone kept their chests in check which was a novel break with tradition for that show.

 

I got dressed and set off for work. As I drove there was an interview on the radio with someone who was farming in the Scilly Isles. It sounded like a rather beautiful place to be, but programs about scenic places are best done on the telly; not the radio.

And there was talk about the UK government's response to President Trump's imposition of tariffs on the sale of British goods to America. I don't understand what President Trump is up to with these tariffs. I looked them up. From what I can work out, the American government is putting a tax onto various things that America is importing. This tax being paid to the American government by whoever it is that is doing the buying. In theory it makes the stuff more expensive for the Americans and encourages them to buy home-produced things. In practice shipping stuff half-way round the world ain't cheap and so if it was cheaper to buy home-produced things the Americans would already be doing so. 

And having had a tariff put on their product, the sellers generally say "get stuffed!" and sell their stuff elsewhere. Tariffs hurt the ones buying the products, not the ones selling them, but President Trump, like those who vote for him, doesn't really understand what tariffs are all about.

 

I got to work and did that which I couldn't avoid. I'm going off working at the weekends. Back in the day on weekend we were open only for emergency cases as there was only one person in, whereas during the week there's a full house. However over the years things have changed and the workload has increased massively. But the staffing level has remained constant.  It's much the same issue that GPs face. The government has blithely announced that GP surgeries will be open in the evenings and at weekends but not done much (anything at all) about providing more (any) staff.

 

Just as I was about to come home so my phone told me about a new geocache... one specifically thanking me for my contributions to the ancient and honourable art of hunting for plastic pots under rocks. The puzzle had what looked like an obvious theme.. I had the right idea, got the thumbs-up and I came home singing along to Ivor Biggun songs, taking a little diversion on the way. First one to find it... result.

 

I came home and was immediately in trouble. Littlun was holding court with the dogs in the hallway as I walked in. She screamed and ran, and I could hear her in the kitchen telling her grandmother (in a very indignant tone) that grandad had made her jump.

Littlun helped me feed the fish… I say helped. Like the dogs, she too scoffs the fish food.

And with the fish fed “er indoors ^TM” took littlun home. I watched more “Orange is the New Black”, then had a little doze until “er indoors ^TM” returned. She came back with a load of laundry from the most recent fruit of my loin. The first lot is already hanging up, and the undercracker load is going through right now. I’ll get the rest scrubbed and out on the line tomorrow.

 

Oh… today was Mother’s Day. It’s been four years since my mum went. Back in the day the tribes would gather for Mother’s Day. She used to love it. And today would have been her sixty-eighth wedding anniversary too.

29 March 2025 (Saturday) - Oko Lele

I was up an hour or so earlier than I might have been today. I went into the garden; last night Bailey caught a mouse. I cornered her and she dropped it. I put it up by the pond in the naïve hope that it was in shock rather than dead, and this morning it was gone. I suspect the local cats have had it.

I made toast and watched an episode of “Orange is the New Black”. There are those who having watched a TV show won’t watch it again because they know what is going to happen. I find that in the better-made TV shows there’s a lot of stuff you miss on the first time round and this is certainly true in this show.

 

I sparked up my lap-top. People were again ranting about the latest antics of President Trump. I’ve formed the impression that where the world is going wrong with Mr Trump is that we are all holding him to the same standard of other politicians. But he isn’t a politician. He is a second-rate celebrity. He doesn’t know politics; he doesn’t actually know very much at all. He tries to boost his ego by appealing to and amusing the more simple-minded who will vote for him. In many ways he reminds me of the thicker cub scouts with whom I dealt when I was a scout leader.

Boris Johnson was much the same, as is Nigel Farage. It’s not about policies. It’s about personalities. This is perhaps the biggest failing of democracy; people who aren’t capable of making a sensible decision vote for those who amuse and entertain them. I can remember back when Boris Johnson had been caught out in some of his bigger lies, and several family members were laughing about it and cheering for “good old Boris” in much the same way that they would for a TV star or sporting personality.

 

I sent out birthday wishes to two friends, then had a look at my emails. The geocache we replaced on Thursday had been found and all was well with it.

A diary entry from last month had attracted a comment. On 15 February I had a rather good day. Someone claiming to be called Angelika commented with a little advert for some crackpot who can solve all relationship issues, such as breakup, divorce, pregnancy by casting magic spells. I deleted her nonsense.

And I had an email from Lendwithcare. Edgar has got all the money he needs for his goat farm. Here’s hoping he makes a go of it.

 

I added “hairy bollox” and “wazzo pair of jugs” to “er indoors ^TM”’s shopping list simply by telling the Alexa to do so, and woke “er indoors ^TM” and the dogs. I munzed, got Wordle on the second attempt, cleared a bumper crop of dog turds from the garden and got ready for the off.

 

Being Saturday we went round to Repton and Dog Club. As we drove Steve was doing the “guess the lyrics” competition on the radio. “It's a crazy situation you always keep me waiting” No? it was Kylie Minogue’s “I should be so lucky”,,, in more ways than one as I texted to Steve.

We got to the Dog Club field and opened up. The field had dried out considerably since last week, and we had a good time. Mostly. Some of the bigger dogs do get a bit boisterous sometimes, but it was the second smallest (Bailey) who disgraced herself today.

On the way home I was one year out with the mystery year – when was Spaghetti junction opened?

 

“er indoors ^TM” set off to craft club. I took the dogs home, and after I’d done myself a cuppa and counted the Dog Club takings I cracked on with the ironing whilst watching more “Orange is the New Black”. After two episodes I’d got it all done.

 

I had a little pootle in the garden until “er indoors ^TM” came home with “Darcie WaaWaa ^TM” who was up for a little sleepover. Apparently she’s told her mother that she is going to stay at Morgan and Bailey’s house. I’m under no illusions as to who she has come to see,

We played dog-snogging and watched oko lele; a rather surreal Malaysian cartoon about a boy scout and two cavemen who get into all sorts of strange adventures. So far they’ve met pirates, a genie, a green cyclops, Monkey (from the seventies TV show) and a rather foxy cave-woman in a leopard-skin bikini who drives round on a silver motorbike and brandishes a bazooka.

 

Littlun has fallen asleep at the moment, and I’m still watching oko lele. Morgan is watching over littun.

There’s talk of a bubble bath later… I’ve wished her grandmother good luck with that.

28 March 2025 (Friday) - Dull (Again)

Yesterday with no alarm set I slept through till ten to eight. Today with an alarm set I woke at ten to three. I dozed on and off, and eventually gave up trying to sleep at half past five. I made toast and started watching “Orange is the New Black” on Netflix (again), then had a little look at the Internet in the desperate hope that something might have happened overnight. It hadn’t really.

Someone who was very big in my life fifteen to twenty years ago had posted an anti-dog post to Facebook effectively claiming they do little else than bark, shit and fart. Many years ago I would probably have agreed with him… but fifteen years ago I found myself in a very black place. A small dog was there for me when others weren’t. He died four years ago and I still miss him. Back in the day I used to organize all sorts of social events and activities. These days if my dogs can’t go, I won’t go.

I never used to be a dog person.

 

My nephew was having a birthday today; he was twenty-six. Where does the time go? I sent birthday wishes to all three of his Facebook accounts then Munzed, and got ready for work.

I stopped off at the co-op where some idiot was walking past with one of those surgical face masks tucked up under (*not* over) his nose. I managed not to laugh out loud; what do these people think they will achieve? All the time their nose is sticking out they might as well not bother with the thing.

I got my lunch and scanned it through the self-service machine. It wanted six quid. I told it to go whistle and took my stuff to the counter where the nice lady at the till charged three pounds fifty. You need to watch these self-service machines.

 

I set off up the motorway to work. As I drove the pundits on the radio were talking about the King whose cancer treatment has hit a "bump in the road" and he has had to cancel his official engagements for today. He's being amazingly open about his illness - you'd have never known anything about the late Queen having been ill, would you. She kept going right to the very end.

And there was talk about the WH Smith chain having been sold and being re-branded as TG Jones.

They then wheeled on that odious Nigel Farage. One thing he said struck a chord. When challenged about the Reform UK MP with whom he’s had a falling-out he said that Reform UK has millions of people who are still loyal to him. Loyal to him. Not the party, but to him. Reform UK, like the Brexit party before it is nothing more than a cult.

The mind-set he encourages makes me thoroughly ashamed to be British. 

 

Work was work. It usually is. The money is nice and I work with a decent bunch of people, but I'm finding more and more these days that I really can't be arsed with it. Still, it's only (on average) two and a half days a week, and occasionally it can be interesting... if you like that sort of thing.

 

With work worked I came home. “er indoors ^TM” boiled up a very good bit of dinner which we scoffed whilst watching celebrity Bake-Off. It was rather good…

27 March 2025 (Thursday) - Rostered Day Off

With no alarm set I woke four hours later than I did yesterday. I got up and made toast, then had a look at the Internet. I was presented with a memory. Three years ago we took a drive to have a look at two little puppies. Back them Morgan and Bailey were going to be called William and Spud… if I’d had my way.

There wasn’t much else happening on-line. I Munzed – our clan has reached its monthly target and I was awarded with a mace, a typewriter, colour credits and zeds. Never a dull moment in Munzee. I then got Wordle on the second attempt. Go me.

 

I got dressed and despite Alexa telling me about a weather warning for fog I took the dogs out. There wasn’t any fog.

As we drove the pundits on the radio were talking to the author of a new book about the relationship between Paul McCartney and John Lennon. There was then ten minutes spent talking about how wonderful the Beatles had been. Personally I never really warmed to them, but I just see that as yet another example of how out of step I am with the rest of the world.

We got to the woods where we’d had reports of a geocache we’d hidden being missing. It was; we replaced it. It’s no trouble to replace them when they are missing; it gives us a target for our dog walk. But you really can put out a new one quicker than you can tell me that one isn’t there.

From the missing geocache we then followed a four-mile circuit round the woods. I saw a slow worm. Morgan rolled in something foul. Bailey ate several disgusting objects that I couldn’t get off of her including a dead mouse and a dead frog.

 

We came home to find that the double-glazing people had been. They came two months ago and put new windows in. I wasn’t impressed with the finish, and they came this morning to put it right. If you don’t look too closely it doesn’t look *that* bad.

If any of my loyal readers are thinking about replacing their windows I can tell you one firm to avoid.

 

I made us both a cuppa then spent a bit of time in the garden. I mowed the lawn, went round with the garden vacuum cleaner, cleaned both ponds’ filters, and re-potted some of the little potted plants. I then found myself looking at the rockery and walked away. Shifting rocks would definitely do for a bad back.

I then spent a little while looking at house building and contents insurance. Bearing in mind the debacle that Sainsburys made of our electrical issue over Christmas (and cost us the thick end of two hundred quid) I had a little look about on Go Compare and got some cheaper quotes. And some more expensive quotes. Putting in the same information gave a range of quotes from under three hundred quid to over a thousand. It certainly pays to shop about.

 

I went down the road to the dentist. On the third attempt they kept the appointment with the hygienist. Having paid for it I thought I’d have my money’s worth before I go somewhere else.

 

“er indoors ^TM” and ”Auntie Chel ^TM” have gone to the Leas Cliff Hall for the evening for some Bob Marley tribute band thingy. I sat on the sofa with the dogs and scoffed pizza whilst watching a film on Netflix. “No Hard Feelings” was crap. I turned it off after half an hour, and watched more “Beef” in which everyone now hates everyone else with a passion.

 

And now my Facebook feed is filling up with adverts for house insurance… At least my back isn’t as bad as it was.