22 April 2024 (Monday) - ... Treason and Plop

The toaster had a little episode in that it wouldn't actually toast anything this morning. I have a vague recollection of “er indoors ^TM” having had a fight with it yesterday claiming something inside had caught fire. I gave it a clout and it eventually did that which was expected of it. I just hope that when the machines rise up the toaster will have forgotten this morning's altercation.

After I'd gone to kip last night “er indoors ^TM” had been at the new telly, and it all works through the Sky-Q handset now, and starts up in Sky-Q mode (as it should) rather than in some strange Amazon thingy mode.

I scoffed toast as I stared at the telly. It was playing the first episode of "Fat Friends"; a show originally broadcast over twenty years ago. I won't be bothering with the second episode; it boiled my piss. Being a fat sod myself (and having been so for most of my life) there is nothing more irritating that people banging on about how fat they are when in fact they are quite substantially thinner than I am.

 

I set off to work. As I drove the pundits on the radio were interviewing the leader of the Scottish Green Party. This chap had come on to the radio  having already decided what he was going to say, and he started talking and talking about heaven only knows what. When asked any questions he just kept talking. He spoke over the interviewer every time the chap tried to say anything, and flatly refused to answer the questions put to him.

He won't be getting my vote... 

 

I got to work and cracked on. As I peered down the microscope I made a few phone calls.

I phoned the pension people. Apparently I won't get any formal notification about my pension payments; there is no equivalent of a payslip which comes with the wages. I asked how I find out what tax I've paid on my pension... it seems I don't.

I phoned the bank's helpline to arrange an appointment at the local branch tomorrow. It wasn't easy. I *think* the woman I spoke to said to just turn up at the branch and that I didn't need an appointment, and that I should also book an appointment on-line.

I booked one on-line just in case.

I left a message for the ENT people at the local hospital to chivvy up the date of my nasal re-bore. They sent me a text to say I should send them an email.

And I booked a slot at the tip tomorrow. I've got a poggered telly to get rid of.

 

As I worked I was introduced to a new boss. Back in the day when I was management I was a "chief biomedical scientist". These days we have an "operational lead". How times change. To be honest I never thought I was much good as a "chief biomedical scientist" (which is why I gave it up); I know I would be hopeless as an "operational lead".

 

I came home, and “er indoors ^TM” boiled up sausages and chips before going off bowling as she does. I sparked up the new telly. Netflix told me that based on what I’d told it I liked, it thought I might like to watch “Gunpowder”; a drama series based on the Gunpowder Plot.

The first episode was rather good…

21 April 2024 (Sunday) - New Telly

At some point in the heavy lifting of the last few days I poggered my left wrist. It really hurts. I gave up trying to sleep and thought that if I got up and did something then the pain might ease.

I made toast and had my usual look at the Internet. I had an email. My credit rating went up by eleven points this week. That’s nice. I had another dodgy friend request on Facebook from a young lady who would seem to be all tits and no sense. I sent out birthday wishes to people with birthdays today, and wrote up some CPD until “er indoors ^TM” and the dogs emerged.

 

We got ourselves organized and drove out to Lyminge where we went for a little walk following a series of geocaching Adventure Labs. A rather good walk of half an hour or so. It was a shame we couldn’t find the cache at the village sign. We tried for that one seven years ago and failed then as well.

 

We came home for a cuppa, then “er indoors ^TM” helped me with (did all the work) lining the little pond / water feature.

Leaving her tidying up I popped out to B&Q for two more bricks, and then on to Bybrook Barn for more rocks and some pond plants. And with those in place my little pond / water feature is almost complete. There’s pictures of it here. I’m quite pleased with how it came out. I’ve got to arrange the gravel around it a bit better and I want to landscape a rockery in front of it. And I need to take the water pump of off the circuit it is currently on with all the other water features, and have it running all the time. And in a week or so I shall look at introducing some fish.

 

And then the fun started. Our telly has been on the blink for a few days and last night it packed up altogether. We first got it on 24 May 2021 when I wrote “Bearing in mind we got the last telly on 16 January 2010, I’m wondering if this new telly will also do us for another eleven years”. Well, it didn’t. It didn’t last three.

We set up the new telly, and after an hour’s farting about it was ready to go… and it couldn’t connect to the Sky-Q box. We used the “contact Amazon” option and got through to a most unhelpful woman whose only suggestion was that the problem had to be with the Sky-Q box as there was no way that her company’s device could ever be at fault. I was all for taking the thing to the tip, but I had a quick look on the Internet instead. Several people had reported the same problem; and all had cured it by doing a factory reset.

Eventually we had the thing going but it wasn’t easy. Back in the day when you got a new telly the company would send a man to set it all up for you.

 

“er indoors ^TM” popped to the kebab shop to get dinner which we scoffed whilst watching one of the new extended “Bottom” episodes. After the fun of the afternoon it was good being able to watch anything at all.

I’m off to work for the early shift tomorrow… an early night might be a plan. My wrist is better than it was… but still hurts.

20 April 2024 (Saturday) - Worn Out

I had a rather good night’s sleep. Not fighting for any bed space helped. I woke… and could only account for two dogs. Morgan usually huddles up close to me but was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t downstairs or in the garden. Eventually it transpired he’d dossed down on the other side of “er indoors ^TM”.

 

I made toast and had my usual rummage on the internet. I sent out birthday wishes to those having birthdays, and hard cash to those with birthdays coming up. A colleague is doing a sponsored run for her birthday, so I sponsored.

And then I found myself pondering. “The Red Pig” has closed down. The Red Pig is a little van which sells rather good food at Pett Level. We’ve been in it on occasion. The menu is excellent and the people friendly. Three days ago they were advertising for staff. Yesterday they posted on Facebook saying they had closed for good and today the business is up for sale. It’s none of my business, but I’m a rather nosey person and can’t help but wonder what is going on.

 

We set off to Dog Club. There had been a message that there was a fox den in the top corner of the paddock we use. I went and had a look and couldn’t see anything. Mind you our group operates at the other end of the paddock. We had a great time. There were about fifteen dogs along today. Treacle had her ball, Morgan and Bailey scrounged treats, other dogs wallowed in mud. Dog Club is such a simple idea, and the dogs love it so much.

Having a birthday today Steve wasn’t on the radio. His stand-in wasn’t the same. The “Mystery Year” was 1968…  who remembers anything from then? And the “Guess the Lyrics” competition might as well have been from Beethoven for all that I knew.

We took a circuitous route home via various Munzees getting Level Three on this month’s Munzee Clan War. Not much more to do for Level Four.

 

Once home we had a cuppa then I cracked on in the garden. I sawed two of the sleepers in half, then painted the sawed ends. And then remembered that when I’d painted the sleepers the other day I’d intended to come back to them and paint the ends that were on the ground. So I painted those. And whilst I was ai it I painted the water feature I’d moved yesterday.

I then scraped all the gravel out of the way for the new water feature/mini pond (that took some doing), and built the box. As space is tight where it is going, I built it in place. “My Boy ^TM” would have been so proud of me – I used a spirit level. With the box in place I enlisted the assistance of “er indoors ^TM” and we took an old blanket to protect the bottom, and then got the liner roughly in place. Even roughly took some fiddling about. To get the liner in place better we three-quarters filled it with water…

And stopped.

Four hours was enough. It can settle and leak-test overnight

 

I had a little sit down whilst “er indoors ^TM” went to fetch “Darcie Waa Waa ^TM”. “Daddy’s Little Angel ^TM” is being bridesmaid at a wedding and this afternoon was make-up practice. Is this a new thing? I never had make-up practice when I got married.

We had a fun few hours with littlun. We started with the obligatory dog snogging, then played “Hide and Seek”. Littlun would go into the bathroom, count to whatever number she fancied in the strange numbering system she has made, then come and either find me in the toilet, or her grandmother behind the kitchen door.

She thought this was hilarious - this went on for over an hour before she lost interest.

We then played a game where she climbed up and down the stairs and I supervised to make sure she didn’t fall. That only lasted half an hour.

I was worn out when it was time for her to go home.

19 April 2024 (Friday) - Rain Stopped Play

After yesterday’s eighteen thousand steps and a lot of heavy lifting in the garden I rather ached this morning.

I made brekkie and had my usual peer into Facebook. There was mild consternation on some of the Rye-based Facebook pages as their Town Crier (an old schoolfriend of mine) had been photographed with a large bottle of water in his trouser pocket, and the photo was getting entirely the wrong sort of publicity.

 

Seeing the Microsoft and BBC weather forecasts were at odds with each other I took pot luck and took the dogs out anyway. Both forecasts predicted rain; but differed in how soon.

As we drove to the woods Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis were being interviewed on the radio. Their long-running “Now Show” is finally coming to an end, and they were saying how difficult it can be to make a funny current affairs program. With pretty much nothing but the war in Gaza having been in the news for months, and war not being particularly amusing they were saying it is tricky to find anything the public has heard about to which they can relate.

I can remember going to see Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis at the Lees Cliff Hall when they were part of “The Mary Whitehouse Experience” and they were hilarious. But that was thirty years ago. About twenty years ago they were at the Gulbenkian theatre in Canterbury when they were just smug. Hugh Dennis is rather good as a straight actor… perhaps it is time to give up the comedy? Sadly I’ve not found them funny for years.

There was also a lot of talk about how many children are using social media. There were quite a few knee-jerk reactions on the radio this morning. It strikes me that rather than banning what we cannot ban, we should look at how to deal with the reality of it.

 

We got to the woods. Admittedly an hour earlier than yesterday, but the car park was much emptier, and once away from the car park we walked for an hour and saw no one. We walked a rather shorter walk today; I was conscious of the weather forecast. But we got back to the car with no rain.

 

Once home I made us both a cuppa, and then went into the garden and made a start on rebuilding the water feature I’d moved yesterday. But after a few minutes the rain started. I came in and fiddled about on my lap-top. I updated my map of sink holes in Kings Wood. I’ve now found sixteen of the things ranging in size from a couple of metres across to twenty metres across.

I had a look at my bank account. There was a lot more money than I thought there should be. It would seem my pension has been paid. That’s a result.

And then I saw the rain had stopped. I went back into the garden and got that water feature rebuilt. I’ve not got the shingle round it just right yet; it needs a lick of paint and the wood got rather wet as I was testing. I then started scraping brindle chippings about in readiness for the next phase of gardening… as best I could. Treacle did insist on getting in the way.

And then the rain started again.

 

I gave up and came inside and put a load into the washing machine. I cracked on with the ironing whilst watching a couple of episodes of “Tribes of Europa”. Let’s just say that the viewing figures were bad enough for it not to be confirmed for a second season, and with the ironing done I slept through most of the second episode. I shan’t be bothering with the third.

“er indoors ^TM” boiled up a rather good bit of dinner which we scoffed whilst watching “Bottom Exposed”; a one-off documentary about the TV show “Bottom”. It was rather good apart from two glaring omissions about which I won’t give any spoilers.

 

Yesterday I ended by whinging about how I ached. Yesterday I ended up doing eighteen thousand steps. Today I only did eleven and a half thousand… but I still ache.

Oh – and the Foxy Morons have got to Uluru… or Ayers Rock as I thought it was called.

18 April 2024 (Thursday) - Bonus Late Shift

I had quite the guts ache last night. As I went to the loo (for safety!) at four o’clock I tripped over Morgan who was downstairs. He’d not got up with everyone else when “er indoors ^TM” went to bed; he’s probably realized just how crowded the bed is getting. I go up earlier and earlier just to get some space and some kip before the crush starts.

 

I peered into the Internet over toast. It was still there, and squabbles abounded on the Munzee Facebook pages. There’s a new feature on the Munzee app; you get to chase a virtual unicorn if you want to. You don’t have to, but you wouldn’t believe how nasty people were getting over something so trivial.

 

I got the leads on to the dogs and we went up to the woods. Admittedly we were rather later than we usually get there, but the car park was over half full, and as we walked we met loads of other people. Several people remarked that they had never been there before but had heard about the bluebells.

After about four miles we got back to the car. The last time we went to the woods Treacle had been rather slobbery at the end; today I’d taken water and made sure they were offered some regularly, and Treacle was fine.

 

We came home for a cuppa and cake, Yesterday I hadn’t been rota-ed to do the late shift; a colleague had asked if anyone could do it for her as she had things to do. I offered, as I often want people to swap with me, and she was so grateful she gave me cake. Result.

 

Completely forgetting to put any washing in to scrub I went into the garden and mowed the lawn.  Then stopped, harvested a bumper crop of dog turds the carried on mowing. It has to be said that shoving the new garden table out of the way to mow round it is much easier than shoving the old one used to be.

I then made a start on water features. Having spent a small fortune on sleepers and waterfalls that were made redundant by sticking a brick under the bog filter, I've got a plan for making a little water garden and rockery. But that involves moving an existing water feature. Our "badger" water feature never really looked that impressive; in fact (like the one I need to move) it just grew mould and algae. So...

I disassembled the "badger" water feature and relocated the stonework on the other side of the garden. Rather than filling it with water and stones I filled it with compost and some of the left-over plants I bought a couple of days ago.

That gave me a space. I disassembled the water feature with the white pebbles and the pot out of which water flows. I never liked the tile the water flowed over, and the white pebbles had all gone green anyway. I relocated the carcass of the water feature and realised that I couldn't go any further without a trio to the garden centre. The output from the water pump in the water feature is a completely different size to the input to the waterfall it will go into. So I took the bits I needed to Bybrook Barn and hoped I might find a helpful lady in the pond section. I smiled hopefully at the first person I saw, and apologetically said that I was the sort of customer with a query that she just hated. She said (with a smile) that she hated all customers, and we got on like a house on fire. I showed her the incompatible bits I needed to connect, and she came up with a couple of adaptors and bits of connector which did the trick.

Whilst I was at it I spent twenty-five quid on stones to go on the water feature. I got some green slate; the white pebbles went green anyway.

 

I came home and decided against any more heavy lifting. My phone was beeping like a thing possessed. The person on the late shift had had a minor calamity; could anyone cover? Pretty much everyone had something they needed to do this evening.

I had a shower and drove to work. Doing half a day's work kept me moving; had I not gone in to work I would have collapsed in front of the telly and not moved.

As I did my thing so I had a message. Poor Pogo's leg was bleeding from where he'd had the biopsy yesterday. I said he needed a bandage. After a lot of farting around and the entire family going to the vet's I am reliably informed a plaster was applied.

 

I really ache. I think I overdid it today. The weather forecast for tomorrow is rain. Maybe taking it easy might be a good idea.

17 April 2024 (Wednesday) - Late Shift

I heard a dog jump off the bed at four o’clock this morning, but by the time I’d leapt up it was too late. There was a small pie of turds by the back door. I let the smallest two out into the garden (Treacle was still fast asleep) before we all went back to bed.

I dozed though till when “er indoors ^TM” ‘s alarm woke me at half past seven. It woke me – it didn’t wake her though.

 

I made toast and had my usual root around the Internet. It’s been a while since I last had any dubious friend requests, but I had one this morning. “Letex” hails from the Philippines and would like to chum up with me, but so far hasn’t put much on his/her/its Facebook profile, which is probably for the best.

“Letex” has twenty-one friends on Facebook – that is more friends than sense, really. I wasn’t going to make it twenty-two.

I read that the geocaches along the river Medway that need a canoe to get at are being archived soon. I wonder if they will be replaced. We had fun with our inflatable canoe when we did those.

I saw there was a new geocache just down the road… with its first find logged twenty minutes after it went live.

 

Not having been woken by her alarm I prodded “er indoors ^TM” awake, then set off to Folkestone. As I drove the pundits on the radio were interviewing Caroline Lucas (the Green MP) who has written a book about how you can go about being proud of being British without shaving your head, stomping round shouting “Ing-Ur-Lund” and harping back to the glorious days of Empire.

It needed doing.

This was followed by talk of an updated version of Shakespeare’s plays. They’ve been updated with emphasis on being performed. It would seem that generations of schoolkids forced to read plays written in medieval English (and never acted out) have formed the idea that Shakespeare’s plays are a load of old tripe. Which is certainly the opinion I formed after sitting reading frankly incomprehensible drivel.

 

I got to Folkestone, picked up “Daddy’s Little Angel ^TM” and “Darcie Waa Waa ^TM” and took Pogo to the vets. He’s having a biopsy on a rather ugly lump on his leg. As we left him he was screaming the place down. Poor Pogey.

We had McBrekkie; toffee caramel latte and super-McMuffin with bacon, egg and sausage. Very nice. I dropped the girls back home, then dropped the littlun’s car seat back with “er indoors ^TM”.

I set off up the motorway to work. Needing petrol I went to the Aylesford Sainsbury's petrol station. I've used that place for years but it has been closed for the last couple of months for a refurbishment. Seeing it was open I went hoping for great things... it looked just the same as it used to.

 

Work was work. During the afternoon I got the message that Pogo was home from the vets. He was a little groggy from the anaesthetic, so “Daddy’s Little Angel ^TM” put him in a crate where the littluns couldn't bother him too much. I wonder if I might borrow that crate?

And shortly after that I had another message. Another woman(?) of dubious morals wanted to be my Facebook friend, and in order to sway my decision she'd sent photos of her "toys"; she had quite an extensive collection of rubber accessories.

Why do these people do this? To persuade sad suckers to send money on the promise of a mucky photo that you can get for free by turning off the Google safe search?

 

The late shift was a tad like hard work. They can be sometimes. I’ve now got a few days off…

16 April 2024 (Tuesday) - Pansies, Lobelias, Violas and a Peony

Treacle and Bailey woke me with a woofing fit shortly after eight o’clock. I was glad that they did; I was embroiled in a nightmare in which I’d been seconded to the International Mars Mission as an astronaut. My map-reading and geocachical skills would be invaluable in getting the spaceships to Mars (as if you can’t see the planet from Earth anyway). But my main responsibility on the crew would be to look after the dogs. Having dogs in space suits meant that their taking a dump would be tricky for them, and with the eyes of the world on the mission, I wouldn’t be able to hoof any turds into the undergrowth (not that there’s much undergrowth on Mars). The Prime Minister himself was telling me what an honour it all was, and that he had every confidence that I would work out the piddling details.

What was that all about?

I scoffed toast, rolled my eyes at the Internet, and checked in on what was happening in the shitbox rally on the other side of the world. “Sharon” had sprung a leak and run out of petrol, but all is well now.

 

I got the dogs onto their leads and we went off to find where I’d left the car, and we set off to Kings Wood for a walk. We took a rather different route today heading through the woods toward the village (rather than away from it), and waked for four and a half miles. Once we were away from the car park we only saw one other group. The bluebells were out; it was really pretty. It was a shame that both Morgan and Bailey rolled in fox poo, but there it is.

As we walked I had a text message from NHS Pensions Retirement Award saying “We have received your NHS Pensions Retirement benefits claim form. We can confirm we have successfully processed your application. A written notification will be issued to you”. That’s a relief… I wonder what it means. I’ve had this sort of message a couple of times already but in both of those cases “successfully processed” actually meant “passed on to the next office”.

There was a minor episode with Treacle when we got back to the car; she was quite seriously slobbering. Was she thirsty? Had she eaten something foul? She’d been acting odd last night – over-excited and restless. I shall keep an eye on her…Dogs, eh? Who’d have ‘em.

 

We came home. Treacle had the brekkie at which she’d turned her nose up at earlier (which was a result) and Morgan and Bailey had a bath. If you roll in poo, you have a bath, Rules is rules.

We then had a cuppa and a Belgian bun. An Asda one. It tasted OK, but most of the icing had stuck to the packaging.

I popped to B&Q. On the way I knocked in the door of the house with the bricks in the garden, but again they didn’t want to answer the door. So I bit the bullet and paid hard cash for new bricks. Sixty-six pence per brick. And I got some plants as well. Pansies, lobelia, violas and a peony.

I brought them home, moved a huge concrete core out of the yard, and then seeing that “er indoors ^TM” was on lunch break we put the new garden table together. Once we figured out what went where it was rather straightforward, but figuring that out took some doing. Anyone who could write decent instructions could make a fortune.

I then moved the plant pots I’d acquired on Saturday into place, transplanted plants about, put compost into the old planter, planted more plants, heaved the concrete core the length of the garden to add it to the rockery, and realizing the afternoon was nearly all done and I’d only done half I had planned, I said “sod it” and came indoors.

 

I then boiled up dinner myself. It came out rather well if I do say so myself. We washed it down wit a bottle of Lidl white wine. Billed as “zesty and vibrant” it wasn’t bad, really. As we scoffed we watched a couple of episodes of “Hunted”; a rather good show which I am sure I could do better than most of the contestants.

 

I really hurt. Having done a few sums the concrete core I shifted today weighs about sixty kilograms. My original plan was to have the first fruit of my loin shift it for me, but he went fishing.

He ain’t daft.