11 December 2010 (Saturday) - Ho, Ho, Ho...
I again woke after a wonderfully restful sleep, full of energy and raring to go, only to find it was 2am. I nodded off, only to have nightmares that I was being stalked by a rogue plumber named “Boiling Sid”. It was with a sense of relief (rather than refreshment) when I woke at 6.30am.
To work, which wasn't a good day, and then to Folkestone. On the way we saw a telescope in someone’s garden. The telescope had a sign hanging from it saying “please take”. I couldn’t believe this, so I knocked on the house’s front door and asked if they truly wanted rid of the telescope. They did: they were planning to take the thing to the tip. So I had it. It’s nothing special – there are similar ones on eBay for a fiver, and it needs a spotting scope, some lenses and probably needs a good overhaul. But I know some good friends who I can smile at. And we’re having a telescope workshop session at the astro club in less than a month’s time.
‘er indoors TM left me at Hosey’s house whilst she went of candle-ing. Me and the Hose-Beast played with the telescope for a bit, before watching a new film – “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”. It’s not a film I would have chosen to watch, but I’m glad we did: it was really good. And as it finished, so ‘er indoors TM returned, and we set off to the Autistic Society’s children’s Xmas party. Santa was supposed to be visiting, but for no adequately explained reason he was unavailable. So with Santa A.W.O.L., there was no choice but for me to step into the breach. As I scrambled into the Santa suit I realised that I had no idea how many children there would be at the party, or how I should deal with autistic children. So I decided to play it as I would play Santa for any children’s party. Given my cue, I threw the doors open, shouted out “Ho, Ho Ho”, and generally hammed it up, walking round being noisy and friendly. And the children all seemed to love it. They all chatted with Santa, and they all wanted to share their picnic tea with me. It was a shame I couldn’t eat through my false whiskers.
And then I got to give out the presents. There was only one littlun who was too scared to come up to Santa to get her pressie, so I went to her, and had a little chat with her. And five minutes later when I called for her sister to get her pressie, the girl who’d been terrified brought her sister out to me.
One little kiddy asked me if I really lived at the North Pole. He was so earnest and serious that I couldn’t resist having a bit of fun. I explained that I didn’t live right on the North Pole; three very noisy and ill-behaved Polar Bears live there. I told him that I lived two doors down from the North Pole. Another kiddy asked why I hadn’t brought any elves with me. I told him that elves are very lazy, and they needed to get on with making all the presents whilst I was gone, but I didn’t expect that they would have done anything today whilst I wasn’t there to watch over them. Both kiddies nodded, and walked away, happy with my explanations.
All too soon pressies were given out to kiddies of all ages and sizes, and it was time for Santa to go back to his house two doors down from the North Pole. As I went I asked if they all left out Sherry and Mince pies on Xmas Eve. They all shouted out that they did. I told them that I didn’t like sherry or Mince pies, and they should leave a bottle of beer and some sweets. And the kids all nodded with serious expressions.
As I made my way back to the toilets to change, I met a small child coming back from the toilet. I asked him if he’d seen Rudolph anywhere. I explained that I’d left my sleigh on the roof, and whilst all the other reindeer behave themselves, Rudolf will keep wandering off. The kiddy hadn’t seen Rudolph. So I said that I couldn’t wait, and Rudolph would have to make his way home. I asked the littlun if there was a fireplace nearby with a chimney I could go up. Bless him – he had a look and couldn’t find one. I thought he was about to cry, so I told him not to worry, I could use the U-bend in the toilet instead, and the kiddies face lit up as I marched into the loo.
After such a sterling performance we went back to Hosey’s house for tea, and to watch “Eclipse” – the latest vampire movie. It was rather good, even if I did keep nosing off. And then onwards via Morrison to visit the Guinea Pigs. I’d not seen them for a while, and they seem to be keeping well. As were their supervisors.
Meanwhile… It’s turned cold in lego-land, and the chav, “her next door”, the cat and the dog have settled their differences and have gathered round the fire to keep warm. To be honest they’ve not so much settled any differences as have blamed it all on Frosty and are letting him take the rap from the nice man with the beard.
They are currently remarking on the amazing co-incidence by which the dog and the cat both share the same first name: namely “the”.
Despite being correctly anatomically equipped, Frosty the Snowman continues receiving castigation. He wonders exactly who the nice man in the beard is, and whether he might get away with telling Beardy to get stuffed.