4 January 2011 (Tuesday) - Diets and Parrots
For all that I’ve resigned myself to being a porker, I don’t actually enjoy being one. It’s the way I am. I get rather hurt by people commenting on my weight. I actually eat a lot less than many people who are a lot thinner than I am, and it’s not as though I choose to be fat.
Quite a few of my friends (both on-line and in reality) have started their post-Xmas diet, and I’ve jumped on the bandwagon.
There has been a lot of drivel said, posted and written about weight loss, weight gain, and the whole sorry story of diets over the years. Biffidus Digestivum, low carb atkins, cardiovascular, fat-burning diets… so many buzz-words are bandied about. And then there’s the whole “gym-ethos” cashing in on the perceived low self esteem of us porkers.
Do any of these buzz-words actually mean anything? Do any of these diets actually work? One of my cousins is rather forthright – yesterday she posted on Facebook “its not rocket science, if you want to lose weight you cut out all the crap, you exercise, and hey presto, you lose weight!” Me – I tend to look at the matter from a more medically-related point of view. Consider the above diagram. Hole A is larger than Hole B.
But it’s easy to come up with pet theories about weight loss. Doing it is not so easy. Or is it? Over the next few days I shall be really good. I shall cut out all meat, bread and potatoes from what I eat. I shall stop drinking beer. I will not have a biscuit with morning and afternoon coffee breaks. We’ll stop having crisps in the house. When not on a late shift I shall walk to and from work rather than driving. When on a late shift I shall (hopefully) go for a swim before work. When my stomach hurts from hunger I will tell myself that this is a good sign. And the weight will fall off. In the first week I shall lose about six pounds – maybe as much as half a stone. By the end of the month I shall be a stone lighter than I am today. By mid February I will be visibly thinner.
And I shall also be fed up with the dull food. And so I shall allow myself the odd treat. Or two. And by the end of February I will have given up all pretence of diet. By the end of April I shall be back to the weight I am today, and will be talking about a diet again.
I’ve done diets before. When “Daddies Little Angel TM ” was a lot smaller I once went on a mega-diet. I lost over six stone in weight. I did it then. I can do it again.
Let me qualify that – I *can* do it again, but what incentive is there? Food is to be enjoyed. A lifetime of salad is simply not enjoyable. I have a theory that if I exercise more, then eating less might not be such an issue. I can walk to and from work. I shall start off with that (when it’s not raining), and see how I get on.
I came home from work this evening to find a large van outside my house, and “My Boy TM ” supervising the unloading of a large cage. I helped move said cage into the living room – “Feathery Bollox” has arrived. She’s (!) quite a sweetie, she likes monkey nuts, dried bananas and chicken. She likes climbing all over the outside of her cage, and she was fascinated by my doing the ironing.
She’s still rather timid – she’s quite happy for people to be around, until they get to within about a foot of her. Then she backs off. She does a very good imitation of a smoke alarm, and says “What?” occasionally.
I have actually always wanted a parrot. We’ve got her for a couple of months – let’s see how we get on….