19 March 2024 (Tuesday) - Woods, Painting Fence...

I had something of a lie-in. I came downstairs to be told by “er indoors ^TM” that she had fixed the dishwasher; the implication being that I had somehow poggered it. As I had a shave Bailey was getting told off for eating Treacle’s poop; that was somehow my fault too.

I had a quick look at the Internet over brekkie; three Facebook friends were having birthdays today. Not one has made any attempt to contact me in over seven years. I like Facebook in that it is a good way of keeping in touch, but for all that there is one person posting content and things of interest, there are twenty just watching. There was a petty religious squabble happening on of the Facebook pages I follow, but this morning the Internet was relatively quiet.

 

With “er indoors ^TM” off to the office today I took the dogs up to the woods where we had a rather good walk. Again we saw the bloke with the akitas before he saw us. We saw a pair of young ladies with their dog on the end of a twenty-five metre-long lead. The dogs all played together; their dog had one of our dog treats. As we walked off so their dog made the most impressive know with the lead that you ever did see. There is a place for twenty-five metre-long leads, and it is in the dustbin.

 

As we drove home again listened to the radio for five minutes and then found myself thinking. There was a program on the radio: “Young Again”. What advice would you give to a younger version of yourself?

Given the chance I’d say take your (my) schoolwork seriously. Back in the day I did very well at “O”-levels, but made a total arse of “A”-levels. I did homework on a Monday night. Tuesday night was pub night at the Hare and Hounds (pissed and change out of a quid). Wednesday night was Boys Brigade band. Thursday night was bible club. Friday night was Boys Brigade. Saturday and Sunday were working all hours at the Harbour restaurant. Hardly surprising I bombed out of “A”-levels after the first year with an average exam score of twenty-eight per cent’ is it? Those of my old muckers who did their homework did so much better in life than me. Or if not better, ended up in bigger houses taking better holidays and retiring years earlier than me.

Mind you it was through the religion that I met “er indoors ^TM” so it wasn’t all bad (he smarmed).

 

I got home, opened the back window so that I could hear the radio, and turned Alexa to Radio Ashford. Sadly it wasn’t gripping. I turned to “Classical Music for Dogs” and got on with painting the bit of the fence closest to the house. I had this idea that if I got it done whilst “er indoors ^TM” was in the office I wouldn’t be disturbing her by farting around right outside the window where she works. But to get to that part of the fence I had to move the lock-ups with all the camping gear in them. They were heavy.

As I painted I remembered Nutty Noodle who used to live next door. I often wonder what happened to him; looking back I suspect he was clinically insane. In years gone by when painting the fence he once leant over the fence on his side and bellowed at me to stop painting immediately because I’d made a serious mistake. I was painting the fence in “Dark Oak”. He assured me that everyone knows that there is only one colour to paint a fence, and that is green. When I asked him why B&Q have such an extensive range of colours, he replied (in all seriousness) “that’s what I’d like to know”.

 

With that bit of the fence painted I collapsed on the sofa with the dogs and watched episodes of “Four In a Bed” in which the woman who complained about how crap everyone else’s bed and breakfasts were had far and away the worst one of the lot, the ones who found fault with everyone else’s cooked breakfasts were the people who only offered bread and croissants, and the winners were the people who had twenty-three staff doing all the work for them.

 

“er indoors ^TM” returned and boiled up a rather good bit of steak for dinner. We scoffed that with a bottle of merlot whilst watching “Taskmaster: New Zealand” and “The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin”. For an obscure program on an even more obscure platform it’s got quite an impressive cast.