Having done a night shift meant I slept well but was still
wide awake before five o'clock. I made toast, watched an episode of "Shameless"
and then checked the Internet. Some half-wit was expounding the tired old
theory that octopuses are actually space aliens. The article I read started off
factually wrong. When it said "Here's why scientists believe octopuses
actually came from space" what it actually meant was "Here's
why half-wits believe octopuses actually came from space". Why do
people do this when less than thirty seconds on Google shows that the entire
theory has been exposed
at the crackpot bollox that it is?
Taking care not to wake
“er indoors TM” or any dogs I got dressed and had a little
look in the garden. The pond is something of a worry at the moment. Not because
of alien octopi, but because of plants.
Having spent years not
wanting any plants in it, I've become a great believer in the theory that a
pond will support so much plant life (whether I like it or not), and if
you don't bung in plants, it will grow its own algae. After all, that's what's
happened every summer since I (well, “Daddy’s Little Angel TM”
and “My Boy TM”) dug it sixteen years ago.
Certainly with the new filter and the bog I've planted the
water is clearer than it has ever been in any June. The watercress is thriving
(even if it is on only on its third day), but the water lilies haven't
been the roaring success I was hoping for. I think it fair to say that the
water lilies were thirty quid down the pan. One is as manky as any manky thing
I've ever seen, and as for the other... I found the root tuber floating on the
surface. All the stems had gone; I suspect the fish ate them. I've weighted the
root tuber into a pot on a shelf three feet under water and am currently hoping
for the best whilst (in all honesty) expecting the worst.
As I drove to work I was listening to "Yesterday in
Parliament" and I chuckled. Apparently MPs are not allowed to call
each other liars. That is a total no-no. One of them got told off for doing so
by implication (by the Speaker of the House); apparently accusing
someone of having learned from Boris Johnson was taken as an accusation of
having told lies.
I got to work. Originally I was down to do the late shift
today but a colleague had asked me if she could do the late instead (as she
had errands to run in the morning). That suited me fine.
I cracked on with that which I couldn't avoid. At tea break
my phone beeped. The estate agent had been to Dad's house and taken the final
readings from the gas and leccie meters.
So I phoned British Gas and spoke to what must have been
the work experience boy. After fifteen minutes he managed to take the meter
readings I was trying to give him. After another ten minutes he said he'd be in
touch with the final bill in a couple of weeks. He could probably have gone
slower and spoken in a tone which inspired less confidence if he'd tried, but
he would have had to try very hard.
British Gas then had the cheek to send me an automated text
asking how they did. I would have told them had their system not rejected all
attempts at input.
I then phoned Southern Water to close up the water account.
That was painless in comparison.
With work worked I came home. I loudly said “shall we
feed…” but before I could say “the fish”, all three dogs had
sprinted to the pond. Feeding the fish has become something of a ritual in
which the fish and the dogs compete to see who can get most of the fish food
down their necks. Morgan and Treacle have to stand to my right and Bailey to my
left (or she won’t get any because she is too slow).
It has to be said that the fish cheat by splashing the dogs…
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