Pages

14 November 2022 (Monday) - Shaddap You Face

I woke with some pain in my lower back; perhaps having that stool collapse underneath me did some damage?
I made toast, sparked up the lap-top and peered into the Internet as I scoffed it. I had an email from the mobile phone people. My contract is up. Do I want to get a new phone with them, or continue at the same level of service for twelve quid a month? I’ll stay with what I’ve got… Or will I? My phone gave me its weekly report today (it started doing that last week) and claimed that I averaged seven minutes screen time whilst driving every day last week. Where is it getting that idea from?
And I had an email saying that the house building and contents insurance is set to auto-renew with a twenty-two per cent price increase. I wish I knew how the government calculates inflation… Clearly not the way I would do so. What I would do (with my degree in maths) would be to look at how much prices have gone up in the last year. I would take this year’s price and divide it by last year’s price, subtract one from the result and then multiply that number by one hundred. This gives you the percentage increase over the year. Home insurance, the price of a kebab or a jar of jam…  doesn’t matter what it is, the sums remain the same. But the government  seems to do something *very* different to what I would do as they end up with a much lower figure.
Perhaps they just make it up?
 
I got the leads onto the dogs and we walked up to the train station where we met “Daddy’s Little Angel TM”, and “Darcie Waa Waa TM. We went for a walk round the park. I’ve not been there for months; much of it has been dug up. In many ways I was reminded of Kent’s roads. With three huge areas of park fenced off from the public, only one had any work going on. And when I say “work going on” what I actually mean was five blokes sitting inside three different vans smoking whilst one bloke started into a hole which had been dug.
 
We came home. “Daddy’s Little Angel TM” had some appointment to go to, and I was to look after “Darcie Waa Waa TM. The pond distracted her for less than a minute, and Joe Dolce singing “Shaddap You Face” on You-Tube was good for twenty seconds at a time, but other than that she screamed pretty much solidly for an hour and a half until “Daddy’s Little Angel TM” came back, at which point she finally shaddap her face.
We then went for a spot of McLunch. I didn’t know you could ask for extra pickles and extra sauce in the Big Macs. Who would have thought such wonders were possible?
And with McLunch McScoffed we went over t he road to Dobbies to look at their fish and garden vacuums. They had a garden vacuum gizmo that I quite liked the look of, but I must admit to liking the look of the same thing on Amazon much better (as it was half the price).
 
We got fish, I ran the fish (together with “Daddy’s Little Angel TM” and  “Darcie Waa Waa TM) back to Folkestone, then came home. The dogs seemed rather excitable to I took them for a little walk round the block. It was a shame Morgan had to pull quite so much. So much that he actually snapped his collar.
I sighed…
 
I spent another hour (or so) on the job application; this time drafting the “blah-blah-blah about me” bit. A major obstacle to me getting the job is that I seriously do see what I did this afternoon as being the “blah-blah-blah about me” bit and not a “personal reflective statement”.
“er indoors TM came home and boiled up sausages and chips and went off bowling. I spent the evening watching drivel on the telly from underneath a pile of dogs.
Not a bad day’s annual leave really…
 
Oh – and I got a full refund for that stool that snapped yesterday. I wonder if I should sting them for compensation for the backache I’ve had all day?

No comments:

Post a Comment