I woke in the small hours in something of a cold
sweat. Jeff Lynne (the front-man of the
Electric Light Orchestra) had hand-picked me to be the
lead saxophone player on his new album. Having been paid an extortionate amount
of money I was desperately trying to cover up the fact that I’d not touched my
sax in over four years.
As I became more and more panic-stricken at being
discovered to be the world’s worst saxophonist, at no stage did it occur to me
that I might actually get the instrument out and have a little practice.
Seeing as it was only a week till Christmas I
opened the Christmas jam for my brekkie. It had to be said that cherry brandy
conserve was something of a disappointment.
As I scoffed toast I watched another episode of “Flowers” (which featured another appearance from Fat Matilda), then I had my usual rummage round the Internet. Sparks have released a new
single; it’s rather catchy, and quite topical. Mind you,
there’d not many bands still going forty-eight years after their first album
was released. I sent out birthday wishes to family and friends on Facebook, and
then had a look at my emails.
B&Q had sent me a rather apologetic email. They
felt they were unable to post the review I’d written about the lawnmower I’d
bought from them recently. I’d written:
“It's a f***ing
lawnmower. Will you stop bombarding me with emails about the most trivial
things. Are you *really* monitoring every single thing I buy? If so, this will
be the last thing I ever buy from you. And I will advise family and friends to
similarly take their money elsewhere”.
Such a shame they felt they couldn’t publish the
review; I felt it summed up my purchasing experience quite succinctly.
I then had a little look-see at the box of Lego
that "er indoors TM" picked up from the post office for me
yesterday. A week ago I said of the thing “I've handed over my money...
here's hoping the bargain arrives”. It has turned out to be quite the
bargain. In addition to the bits I wanted I’ve also got eight maxifigures, two
motors and some road-baseplates. I might redesign the train track on my Lego
town to incorporate those base plates.
Talking
of Lego I then opened today’s window of the Advent calendar (to give me
something to ponder during the day), got dressed, and set off to find where
I’d left my car.
I headed westwards through the driving rain on a
rather dark and dismal morning and chuckled as the weather forecast talked
about the possibility of light showers in the South East. As I drove there was
talk of the European Space Agency's latest mission which will hopefully examine
planets orbiting other stars. It never fails to amaze me just how little
air-time things like this gets compared to the adventures of politicians which
are forgotten by the next day.
I got to work; I did my bit. As I worked so my
phone beeped with a message from the hospital where I'd spent much of last
Friday night. Would I recommend them to family and friends? No I would not. Why
not... Well. now they've asked I feel justified in telling them their shortcomings.
Facebook messenger also messaged me. Had I sold
those glasses that I advertised the other day? If not would I like them to
re-advertise them? Yes please. Mind you I doubt that they will sell. I think
they are destined for the dustbin.
Do any of my loyal readers want souvenir beer
glasses? I don’t…
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