30 September 2024 (Monday) - Writing A Website

I would have had a better night’s sleep had the rain not been hammering down on the window seemingly all night long.
I got up and made toast and a cuppa… one major difference between out holiday in Uzbekistan and home is that I can have toast with jam (as opposed to some strange substance). And another is that I can have a proper mug of coffee that isn’t all swallowed in one gulp.
For all that I really enjoyed our time away, the food did leave a lot to be desired. If you like a selection of strange unidentified things for brekkie, and salad followed by potato and carrot soup followed by lumps of meat, with melon for dessert all with generous side orders of whole tomatoes and cucumber for dinner, then Uzbekistan is the place to be.
Mind you in all fairness for all that I criticize the lack of variety over there, if I can I always have the same thing for brekkie every day.
 
The plan for today was to loads the dogs into the boot (they love it!), drive to the garage and go for a walk whilst the car had its MOT done. But it was hossing down. So I took the car to the garage and “er indoors TM
picked me up on her way home from collecting the shopping from Asda.
We came home, and as the dogs snored I looked at our holiday spending (I’m mean like that). Having been told that everywhere in Uzbekistan would rather be paid in US dollars we found that the vast majority of places flatly refuse to take them, and those that do take them grudgingly and guess at what they think the exchange rate might be. So we came home with quite a few US dollars.
The local branch of my bank is temporarily closed, and even when is open they can’t take US dollars. Apparently the branch in Canterbury can… that’s half a day’s mission for later in the week.
I’ve also got three hundred and fifty thousand Uzbek soms which I doubt anyone is going to change up for me. But bearing in mind that’s only worth about twenty quid I shall sit on them in the hope that someone will be following in our footsteps, and I can give them a pressie.
 
With the rain showing no sign of easing up I sent out one or two (over fifty!) messages about the upcoming geo-event I’m planning for three weeks’ time. There’s quite a few people who seem to have started hunting Tupperware relatively recently but haven’t quite been brave enough to come to a meet. Admittedly it does take a bit of courage to meet new people… some of them might come… you never know.
 
And then my phone rang. It was the garage. My car had passed its MOT and there weren’t even any advisories. That was a result; I had been worried that the pot-hole which took out a tyre a little while ago might have done more damage. I had absolutely no reason to think that (other than paranoia) but I was still expecting to have to shell out the thick end of a thousand quid. That was a result.
 
The rain had eased up. I was all for walking the dogs over to get the car, but “er indoors TM said I should take it easy; I was still on the mend. So she drove me over to get the car.
Bearing in mind I was under orders to take it easy I sat on the sofa. It wasn’t long before Morgan cuddled up with me. Rather than wasting time watching telly I made a little website of our recent holiday. You can see it by clicking here.
I’m rather conscious that I’m not shutting up about our holiday. For all that it was hard work, it was an adventure. But on thinking about it, it was different. It was a change to my routine. I am a creature of habit. I have friends who post holiday photos to Facebook every couple of months. Some people I know really do go on foreign holidays at least once every two months; if not more often.
 
“er indoors TM went off bowling as she does most Mondays. I ironed shirts and bandannas whilst watching an old favourite film of mine. I’ve seen “Goodbye Mr Chipsso many times. Tonight I watched the version from the ITV hub. I’m pretty sure quite a bit of the film had been cut. I must watch my DVD version of it.
But first I must set up the DVD player we bought months ago and is still sitting in its box… 

 

29 September 2024 (Sunday) - Got The Rona


 I slept like a long last night but woke up feeling rough. I had this naïve idea that if I got up and pootled about I might perk up so I put another load of washing in, had a shave and made brekkie. I hadn’t perked up much so I mowed the lawn and it nearly killed me. Bearing in mind I had some old COVID tests left over from the days when I had to do twice-weekly testing I thought I’d use one to prove I didn’t have COVID…
Oh well – I’ve got COVID. Again.
 
Plans for going to B&Q and the garden centre went out the window. Instead I sat on the sofa (feeling grim) and looked at the monthly accounts. They could be better; they could be a whole lot worse. It would seem that I’ve been charged interest on the things for which I used my credit card when we were away. You would have thought that when I spoke to the bank they might have mentioned that, wouldn’t you? I paid the credit card bill – I overpaid. There’s still three transactions that haven’t appeared on the statement yet. I’m paying as little interest on those as I can - I’m mean like that.
 
I then had a look at Project GC. One of the many failings of geocaching dot com is that it simply isn’t fit for purpose. If all you want to do is go find a rock under which there might be a film pot, then their app is about the poorest app with which you might do that. But if you want to look at the statistics of what you’ve found – most found in a day, furthest apart finds in a day… then that’s where third party suppliers come in.
I asked Project GC how many geocaches we’d found whilst on holiday compared to other tourists. With one or two caches every fifty miles or so we went not intending to do much caching, but if we were walking past one we thought we’d have a go.
It turns out that we came home the UK’s top finders of Uzbek caches…
 
With so much I could have done today I spent the afternoon washing and tumble-drying undercrackers and socks whilst watching episodes of “Four in a Bed” in which the contestants had taken to checking out their rivals on price comparison websites to see if people were deliberately undercharging. It all got rather nasty and turned out that it is quite legal for third party to hire a hotel room and then let it on at a higher price.
 
“er indoors TM boiled up lamb chops, and I then slept for much of the evening…

28 September 2024 (Saturday) - Back to Reality

I was wide awake at four o’clock this morning. I’m going to say that was because my body was still running on Uzbek time where it was eight o’clock.
I got up and made toast and a cuppa. How I’ve missed a couple of slices of toast with peanut butter and marmalade washed down by a cup of black coffee. I put loads of washing in to scrub and started writing up my diaries of the holiday. It wasn’t long before “er indoors TM came down.
 
Once I’d hung out the washing and put more in we set off to Dog Club. It was much the same as ever; everyone has fun; loads of woofing…
We came home, hung out the second load of washing, and once I’d written up even more diary we drove up to Badlesmere where we met Karl. Tracy, Jess, Charlotte, pogo and Treacle. We walked our usual walk, and came back to the pub for our dinner.
 
Dinner was good, but as we scoffed I felt myself wilting. Once home I feltched in the laundry, sat quietly and went to bed at eight o’clock.
I think I caught something on my travels…
 

 

27 September 2024 (Friday) - Travelling Home

 


Having got to bed at one o’clock last night I’d set the alarm for six am. We had an early brekkie and had to be on our way promptly as the local roads were being closed as the Uzbek President was visiting.
We piled onto the coach and went to the airport where we said goodbye to our guide Fax… and with him gone we were no longer a group. For ten days we’d worked together and been to wonderful places together. We’d had a really good group which had gelled well. But with our guide gone we were on our own and became a load of individuals and couples.
As we went through the airports we would see others from our group and exchange pleasantries, but the holiday was over.
 
We did the airport things. We checked in. We handed over our luggage and got searched. We did passports. And we were only an hour and a half late getting on the plane.
As we flew for six and a half hours I fiddled wit the i-pad thingy the airline provided on the headrest of the seat in front of me. I watched a film. “Chickenhare and the Hamster of Darkness” was one of those films that was so dreadful that it was excellent. And with that watched I played 2048; a surprisingly engrossing game.
And eventually we touched down. Luggage collected, taxi home found and we were home sixteen hours after we’d left the hotel this morning,
 
“My Boy TM and Cheryl brought Morgan and Bailey home, “er indoors TM got KFC for dinner…
 
I took a few photos as we travelled. As I do.
 
I’m now thinking about our holiday… “holiday” is completely the wrong word to use. It was certainly a good time. But “holiday” implies rest, and it certainly wasn’t restful. Ten nights spent in five hotels made for a rather busy time. And…
 
  • I found constantly making polite conversation and not swearing hard.
  • Shoes off – shoes on at seemingly every port of call was wearing.
  • The toilets were frankly feral; constantly clenching my arse was rather wearing. When one has had explosive dire rear for a week one needs a proper toilet to contain the explosion. A hole in the ground is no use to anyone. Not even daring to fart for up to ten hours is problematical.
  • There was no shortage of food… but one soon sickens of a diet of raw tomatoes and raw cucumbers followed by boiled potato and carrot soup.
  • The beds were rock-hard, and wi-fi was rarely found outside of a hotel’s reception area.
  • There was a seemingly constant faint whiff of sewerage pretty much everywhere.
 
But don’t let me put you off. Some of our party alleviated the toilet issues by bringing a supply of cereal bars and not eating any of the local food. If you are thinking of Uzbekistan, there’s worse places to visit. But bear in mind:
 
  • The internet says everywhere takes American dollars. They don’t.
  • Wear slip-on shoes.
  • Get an Uzbek sim or e-sim for internet connection.
  • And don’t drink the water.

26 September 2024 (Thursday) - Samarkand Day Two

I had a rather good night’s sleep which was something of a result. And a (relatively) very good brekkie too.
We did our packing. Having moved the tea tray to the floor because there was no plug anywhere within reach of the kettle’s power cable, as we had a last-minute check of the room we discovered the kettle’s extension cable.
 
We took our cases to the hotel’s lobby. The coach took us to more mausoleums, then leaving us behind set off with the cases on the road back to Tashkent taking a seven hour journey. We stayed for another day in Samarkand.
The mausoleums were good if you like mausoleums. If you don’t then (quite frankly) you’ve no business being in Uzbekistan.
 
From the mausoleums we walked up to the market. We were warned to be careful of gypsies in the market. Apparently they hypnotize you and rob you. We took no chances and walked up the road where we found a rather good little café. They offered Big Macs and probably will continue to do so until the McDonalds corporation get wind of them. We had a chicken skewer each and a couple of glasses of pop, and change out of a fiver.
 
We all met up again after dinner and walked along an avenue of conker trees. Who would have thought they had conker trees in Samarkand? We went on to Registan Square where we admired the madrasahs and then had a little wander around. I found a stall selling raspberry milk shakes. before setting off for dinner. Yet another traditional Uzbek dinner. It has to be said that by this stage I would have killed for pie and chips.
 
And with dinner scoffed we aid goodbye to Samarkand. At the risk of seeming negative, Samarkand was something of a disappointment. When I was a lad, adventure comics painted Samarkand as a far-off land of mystery and intrigue where the likes of James Bond did derring-doo with Johnny Foreigner.
In reality Samarkand isn’t any different from any other city.
 
We went to the train station which was something of an adventure. Having been promised tickets on the Shark Train it turned out there weren’t any tickets available, so we took the standard train back to the first hotel in which we’d stayed in Tashkent.
We got to bed shortly after one o’clock.
 

25 September 2024 (Wednesday) - Samarkand

 

I think in retrospect I’d done our hotel a disservice. Having decided that the place was “Guest House Paradiso” last night wasn’t helped by a dreadfully hot night and having to unplug an incredibly noisy fridge at three o’clock in the morning.
I wasn’t in the best of moods when I came down for brekkie. The waiter asked if I would like coffee. Yes please - I would. Would I like americano, espresso,  Montevideo, arseacheandchipso… I wanted a cup of coffee. A cup. With coffee in it. Was that so much to ask? Clearly it was, so I contented myself with some fruit juice and sulked.
My opinion of the hotel wasn’t helped when we got on the coach and were asked who was it who’d paid the previous night’s drinks bill on their Visa card; apparently it might have been anyone.
 
Again all twenty-seven of us piled onto the coach and after a few minutes we were at the observatory of Ulugh Beg. We did all the touristy things, then once we had a few minutes to ourselves I slipped off to find a geocache. Having solved the puzzle weeks ago and having being presented with a picture of the location I saw it was behind a wall. I hopped on to the wall and tried to look inconspicuous as I searched. A nearby market trader came over, smiled, reached over the wall and handed me the geocache.
I bought a T-shirt from him; I felt I owed him that much.
 
From here we went on to the tomb of St Daniel. According to Wikipedia the tomb is in Iran, but the Uzbeks would disagree. Apart from some religious chap howling, the place was rather interesting; it was a shame that we were supposed to believe that the Pope of the Greek Orthodox Church had resurrected a nearby tree, but there it is.
We piled back on to the coach and made our way to another museum of dull bits of broken pots where we had a video show. And once I’d slept through that we had a few minutes free time to get over-excited bout the dull bits of broken pots. AS no one was watching I nipped over the road for geocachical reasons.
 
Pausing only briefly to visit a winery (this is a Muslim country, you know!) we had a very good bit of dinner. Well… to be honest the dinner was just the same as pretty much every meal we’ve had here, but the location was rather good. A very posh ornate restaurant. Just how I always envisioned Samarkand as being.
And with dinner scoffed we went on to Amir Timur’s mausoleum, The Uzbeks get very over-excited about mausoleums; far too over-excited if you ask me.
 
With mausoleum visited we had some free time. We went for a little walk again guided by local geocaches. It was good to walk round seeing the locals. One of them stopped me and pointed at my water bottle and jabbered. I replied that I didn’t understand him. On hearing I was English he asked if I had whisky in my water bottle, and could he please have some.
Another success for my idiot magnet.
 
Our dinner was in a local restaurant. Apparently a rather posh local restaurant, but apart from the birthday cake served up for one of our number whose birthday it was, the food really wasn’t anything special.
We came back to the hotel. With twenty-three of our number off to bed, four of us had a little drinkie ion the bar. No gin and tonic, but a brandy and lemonade was every bit as good. Or would have been had there been any lemonade.
Sprite is an acceptable substitute… isn’t it?
 
I took a few photos of the day as I do.

24 September 2024 (Tuesday) - (Another) Road Trip

Brekkie was a bit iffy. To be honest the hotel in Bukhara has been far and away the worst food-wise. We finished our packing and seeing the expression on the face of the hotel porter I carried out suitcases downstairs myself.
We loaded up the coach and set off on another road trip.
Unlike the trip from Khiva, the roads onwards were rather pot-holed. After two hours we found some feral toilets. The public toilets in Uzbekistan are grim (to say the least), and every one has some local demanding three thousand soms before you can use the place. Personally I think eighteen pence to piss in a hole in the ground is overpriced, but what do I know? Today’s toilet had some local chap taking the money who got incredibly over-excited when he heard we were from the UK, and started telling everyone about how his is a Manchester United fan.
 
After another two hours we were at our lunch stop. Lunch was much the same as what we’ve come to expect – salad followed by soup followed by a strange main course followed by melon.
And then back on the coach again to Shahriabs.
 
At Shahriabs we had a good wander round the Amir Timur park. It would have been a better wander had it not been so hot. The coach told us that he external temperature was forty-one degrees. But taking a selfie at the statue and answering a couple of questions gave us the thumbs-up for an Earthcache.
 
Back to the coach and we drove off along fifty miles of what we were assured was the worst highway in Uzbekistan. The driver was slaloming around the pot holes rather impressively.
 
It was rather late by the time we finished our two hundred mile road trip and we got to the hotel in Samarkand. Perhaps I did the place an injustice, but from the outside the hotel did look like “Guest House Paradiso”.
Dinner wasn’t bad, but the beer was pricey, and the wi-fi isn’t good.
 

23 September 2024 (Monday) - Bukhara Day Two

What with all of the stress of dog sitting issues I took a while to get to sleep last night. Sadly I was woken by some strange music playing form four until five in the morning.
Brekkie was something of a scrum this morning, and with brekkie scoffed we were soon all assembled in the hotel foyer and onto the coach. Fax did a head count to check everyone was together – it really was just like taking the cubs on an outing.
 
We took the coach out to what was billed as the “Indian Village” which was rather pretty and ornate. Fax gave us a lot of religious talk here.
There were peacocks all over the place and we found a dog. I don’t know if it was a stray or not. Up until now we’d only seen two dogs – both being walked after dark. We made quite a fuss of this dog; had it been back home the dog would have come home with us.
 
Back on the coach and on to the Summer Palace which had two sets of toilets. “Regular” and “Emergency”. Sadly an emergency toilet in Uzbekistan doesn’t cater for the sort of potty emergencies that I was having. Squatting over a hole in the ground three feet from my bum is no substitute for putting my arse into a proper bum-sink.
Passing over the frankly feral toilet arrangements the Summer Palace was also rather pretty.
 
Back on the coach again. Gettng on and off of a coach has been a feature of this trip. From here we went to a car park near which was one of the worst statues of Mickey Mouse that I’ve ever seen. I can only imagine that Mickey has picked up whatever it is that is upsetting my guts. It was a short walk to the oldest mausoleum in Bukhara (and that is up against some pretty serious competition).
We chatted with some market traders that Fax knew – they were selling some rather good stuff, and then went on to the plumbing museum where our guide got into an argument. He was telling us about some incident that happened locally during the Soviet era when a passing Russian tourist got rather angry. She didn’t claim that what Fax was saying was wrong. But she thought it wrong that our guide should give us any factual information, and said he should stick to telling us Uzbekian fairy tales.
Fax seemed rather miffed; we all reassured him. The chap had been wonderful. Giving us snippets of history from three thousand years ago up to the present day, he made no attempt to gloss over any of the unpleasant parts. History is history.
 
We went back to the hotel where there were proper toilets. It had been three day since I have dared to fart without the safety net of a chodbin, and I was glad I’d not risked it earlier.
 
We were left to our own devices for the afternoon. Yesterday a couple of our number had told us of where they’d lunched. We had ice creams there yesterday and today we had a rather good bit of scoff. Having gone out expecting the pace to be little more than shacks in a desert we were rather amazed to find i-pads being used as menus. A glass of rather good fruit juice each, a decent pizza and a very good cheesecake and for all that the bill ran to six figures it came in less than sixteen quid in UK money.
Once we’d finished feeding the kitten that had shamelessly joined us we walked round the market; I took a selfie with a sleeping cat. We had a pint by an ornamental lake and watched a stray dog getting a drink and having a bath.
 
We went back to the hotel where the hotel staff came up to our room. Having been constantly complaining about the lack of wi-fi in our room a chap came up, took our phones, pressed all the buttons that we’d pressed, pointed at the screen saying “internet not connected” and then typed something into his phone using Google Translate. He brandished his phone at me which said “it is fixed” and wandered off with a smile on his face.
 
This evening we were out for dinner again. Dinner was rather good (by the standards of the trip). As we ate so a band was playing traditional music whilst young girls modelled various clothes we might like to buy. The clothes were odd; at best they might have been used as pyjamas.
 
One of our number had a birthday today. The band struck up “Happy Birthday to You” and we had (proper) cake all round before all going back to the hotel.
Having heard good things about the rooftop bar we walked up to find it was something of a disappointment, so we had a gin and tonic in the foyer bar, This one tasted nothing like last night’s one.
 
As always I took quite a few photos.

22 September 2024 (Sunday) - Bukhara

Another bad night’s sleep – the bed was rock hard. We went down to brekkie and again I fancied a cup of coffee but it was not to be. Hotels in Uzbekistan don’t seem to have catering coffee machines. They have the sort of thing you have in your house which is all very well when you are making one cup of coffee. But taking over a minute to make one cup and a queue of dozens of people didn’t work for me.
As we breakfasted so one of our number, a particularly posh old lady, commented on my tattoos and asked if I’d been in the merchant navy.
 
We took a coach trip to the other side of town and walked back to the hotel slowly. As we walked we visited The Ark – a huge fort, and called in to mosques (shoes off – shoes on). Our guide Fax knew several market traders and they chatted with us in passable English, and we visited a traditional carpet shop who gave us tea whilst they gave us a mini-demonstration and talk.
As we walked Fax explained that people weren’t staring at us because we were English – they were staring at him. Being with Titan holidays (a subsidiary of Saga) our guide was holding up a huge “Titan” banner so we could see where he was. Apparently “Titan” is Uzbek for “Viagra”.
 
We went back to the hotel where we were left to our own devices for the afternoon. We sparked up the geocaching map to give us a guided tour and we found two caches, watched a cat jumping a stream and had three ice creams before going back to the hotel for an hour’s sleep.
 
There is a phrase about getting your knickers in a twist. Somehow or other “er indoors TM got her bra in a knot. But with knot untangled we were on our way to a local restaurant where we had a little cooking masterclass and then the best meal of the trip so far. Plov isn’t bad really.
We walked back to the hotel. Despite it being late evening all the market stalls were still open.
We got back to the hotel where we had a quick gin and tonic, then fought with the Internet.
 
And having established a connection we swore at the news from home. The plan for the week was that Morgan and Bailey would stay with the first fruit of my loin for the first week, and then a friend from Dog Club would have them for the second. Having dropped the pups off, after half an hour “My Boy TM got a phone call to come and collect them. Apparently Bailey had attacked their dog (seriously?) and their eight year old daughter was terrified. He’d gone back to see the eight-year-old playing with them, the husband of the family demanding that the dogs go, and the woman who’d offered to take them was nowhere to be seen.
The reason for the dogs going to a second place for the second week was that “My Boy TM and Cheryl had things to do and were off on holiday themselves.
With no possibility of cutting our holiday short (there’s only two flights a week from Uzbekistan to the UK and we were four hundred miles from the airport) we frantically messaged all over the place, but Cheryl decided that it was too much stress for the pups and they cancelled their holiday, with a friend from Dog Club dog-sitting when Cheryl had a couple of appointments.
 

21 September 2024 (Saturday) - Khiva to Bukhara

We knew what the itinerary for the trip would be so we can’t complain… but again we packed up our luggage and with packing packed we had brekkie. Earlier than yesterday there were a lot fewer people swarming about, and with brekkie scoffed we all piled on the coach and set off.
After half an hour we pulled up by the side of a field where one of our number ran off down a track to find a shrub to hide behind. The rest of us piled off the coach and Fax (the guide) gave us an impromptu talk on the cotton trade in Uzbekistan.
 
We then drove on to a proper toilet. Or what passes for a proper toilet in Uzbekistan. Me – I’d call it a rather gruesome hole in the ground, but what do I know?
From here we picked up a rather impressive modern motorway. On a par with anything here in the UK; if not better. Apparently the Chinese are paying for a motorway network in Uzbekistan in exchange for the rights to any gas they might find whilst prospecting along the way.
 
We stopped off at an Uzbek service station for lunch which wasn’t bad really… if you like raw tomatoes and cucumbers followed by potato and carrot soup.
Some of our number braved the holes in the ground into which you piss (I hesitate to use the term “toilet”); those who thought they would instead clench stayed inside and had some of the brandy Fax  was offering.
If nothing else it helped us sleep for the afternoon’s drive.
As Fax waxed loquacious about how men don’t need to wash but women will die if they don’t, and about gangrene of the knob we headed on to our next destination.
 
After two hundred and fifty miles we got to Bukhara at half past four. Once checked into the hotel we all met up for a little wander round the Jewish quarter of the town. We visited a synagogue and the rabbi there was very welcoming and gave us quite an interesting talk (which Fax translated for us).
 
Dinner was rather good… to be fair it wasn’t anything special but compared to what had gone before it was rather good. So far the food has been something of a disappointment. What the Uzbeks lack in quality they make up for in quantity. Five courses were a tad much.
 
We went back to the hotel for a quick drink. I had a gin and tonic which tasted almost, but not quite, entirely unlike gin and tonic. And we then fought with the hotel’s wi-fi. Despite two fifferent hotel wi0fis, nwither worked outside the hotel’s reception area.
 
I took a few photos today. But not that many – much of today had been spent sitting on a coach. And I’ve now got a stupendous guts ache.

20 September 2024 (Friday) - Khiva

As I do whenever I go on holiday I miss home. And I miss my dogs. I was particularly homesick this morning, but got up determined to make the most of the day.
I slept better than I had for the last few days and we went into breakfast shortly after eight o’clock… as did everyone else. The place was heaving. But the breakfast was better than we’d had in Tashkent and was streets ahead of the carrier bag we’d been given yesterday. It was only a shame the coffee machine wasn’t up to the job and was spilling the stuff all over the tablecloth.
 
We all assembled. With twenty-seven of us, there’s always something of an atmosphere of a school trip on every excursion. This morning we had a walking tour around the city. Seeing there was a reverse Wherigo cache nearby I sparked up my phone. With one of these your phone tells you how far you are from the geocache you are hunting, and when you get close enough it tells you the GPS co-ordinates and gives you a photo of the hide.
As we walked so the thing counted down and down, and we actually stopped about two yards from it. Seeing where it was I thought we’d come back later. It wasn’t far from the hotel, and it was far more interesting listening to our guide Fax. He really brings enthusiasm to his talks, and he is clearly very knowledgeable, but some of the things he says… Apparently William Shakespeare got a lot of his ideas from Uzbek legends, and you can keep milk cold by dropping a frog into a jug of the stuff.
 
We had a good walk round Khiva visiting all sorts of places of interest. Most of them were “madrasas” and involved taking shoes off on every visit. I wish I’d brought along a pair of slip-ons.
We popped back to the hotel if for no other reason to use the toilet. Uzbek toilets are on the feral side.
 
We were left to our own devices for the afternoon. We went back into the town to have a closer look at the bits we’d seen earlier and to go at our own pace. Our own pace was slow enough to get the only two geocaches within fifty miles.
We got pressies for people back home and I got an amazingly sexy jacket. I doubt I will ever wear it, but it is there should the occasion arise.
 
After a brief lay-down our group assembled and we walked into town for a meal which was accompanied by local entertainment. There was a lot of howling and some strange sort of play which looked interesting but I had no idea what it was all about. Something to do with a small boy stealing a pie I think?
 
After a quick pint in the bar with some of our group we went back to our rooms again feeling worn out.

19 September 2024 (Thursday) - Tashkent to Khiva

Despite all the travelling of two days ago followed by two hour’s sleep I had a terrible night. When the cats weren’t screeching the drunks were shouting. I didn’t think Muslim countries had drunks?
Despite two full-on days, we had another in store today. The alarm went off at four am, and as we packed I could hear other alarms going off. Most noticeably the one in the room next door which was continuous for over an hour. Bearing in mind we were probably the youngest people on this trip I couldn’t help but wonder if the person in the room next door had dropped dead.
 
We assembled in the hotel foyer with all our luggage two hours before breakfast would be served where we met our new guide Fax. The previous bloke had been a stand-in as our proper guide had been unable to get to Tashkent – all train seats had been booked for some huge football event.
We piled onto the coach and were given our promised breakfast boxes. I say “boxes”; a carrier bag containing two apples, a banana and a yogurt of dubious flavour. Have you ever tried eating a yogurt on a coach? It takes some doing.
We drove to the airport and did the entire “airport performance” again and soon were on the plane to Urgench. A four-hundred mile distance to cover would have taken thirteen hours on the coach so we were flying. I nodded off and snored myself awake three times on the flight.
 
It wasn’t long before we were on another coach and setting off to heaven-only-knows-where. We piled off the coach and had a look around an old hill fort. It was claimed that this place was thousands of years old, but made of sand and straw it didn’t look very substantial. I was rather intrigued by why anyone would build a hill fort in the arse end of nowhere. With nothing to defend why would anyone be there, let alone want to attack it?
We piled on the coach and went to the next attraction. The washroom. I say “washroom” – in many ways Uzbekistan is far more modernized than I had been expecting, but so far the toilets are at best feral. But if you like pissing in a hole in the ground the place can’t be bettered.
We did see a lizard outside the washroom so the stop here wasn’t entirely wasted.
 
I had a look at the geo-map. There was one geocache in the vicinity – twelve miles away. As we drove on to our next stop we were getting closer and closer to it, and when we pulled up by some yurts it was only half a mile away.
We then traipsed across some sand dunes to another hill fort supposedly defending some scrap of desert from anyone who would be mad enough to want to attack it. I set off at a pace as it was clear that the geocache I’d seen on the map was in that direction. There’s no denying that “er indoors TM was wilting on the march across the dunes. But we got there. Our guide (Fax) told us all about the history of the place and gave us fifteen minutes to go exploring. By this time we were a couple of hundred yards from the geocache I’d spotted on the map. It didn’t take long to find. I was glad that we found it – the next closest one was fifty-six miles away.
 
We traipsed back across the dunes to some yurts where dinner was waiting for us. A traditional Uzbek meal as the locals would have scoffed years ago. Whilst the yurts were elaborately decorated inside, no one had thought through the logistics of traditionally eating by traditionally all sitting on the ground. We were the youngest on the trip, and getting everyone down to the tables which were only six inches off the ground took some doing. And getting up afterwards was problematical for me, if not anyone else.
The food was plentiful… if you like raw whole tomatoes and cucumbers followed by a bowl of boiled potatoes, carrots and onions then you would have been in seventh heaven.
 
Pausing only briefly to take a photograph of a camel we piled back on the coach and set off on the fifty-six miles to our hotel. I knew it was fifty-six miles as there was a geocache just outside the place. As always the geo-map was rather useful.
 
We got to our second hotel which was rather good. After a quick wash and brush-up we assembled and had dinner in the hotel’s restaurant. We had one of the best meals we’ve had so far on our trip, but sadly that wasn’t up against much competition. After chatting with some of our fellow travellers I found that our guide was able to change dollars into the local money. Before we set off we’d read (in so many places) that the Uzbek people would rather have dollars than their own.
It turns out they don’t.
I changed a hundred dollars into soms, and with one thousand Uzbek soms being worth a shade under six pence, I’m now a millionaire.
 
As I do, I took a few photos today.
I wonder what’s on the cards for tomorrow. I’m worn out – a more restful day would be nice.

18 September 2024 (Wednesday) - Tashkent

Having got to bed at six o’clock in the morning the rep said that the plan for the morning was to catch up on sleep. But with limited time in Tashkent I decided that sleep was for wimps. I’m not convinced that “er indoors TM agreed, but she was scoffing brekkie with me not three hours after we’d gone to kip.
Brekkie was odd; I had a bowl of muesli that tasted of cheap bubblegum and followed it with a plate of cheese and curried tomatoes. 
 
We went for a little walk. As always when anywhere new I sparked up the geocaching map. The noble art of hunting Tupperware is still in its infancy in Uzbekistan, but we still scored three smiley faces (it’s a geo-thing), and as we did we found Independence Square, loads of fountains, and a statue of Amir Timur too.
 
We made our way back to the hotel. Having thought that Uzbekistan would be random huts in a desert we’d been rather shocked to find that Tashkent was not entirely unlike London, Paris or any other large Western city.
Once at the hotel we got a pint and sat outside watching the busy world go by. And it was busy.
 
At mid-day we went to the hotel’s lobby where our group rallied. Having gone on an organized holiday trip we knew there would be other people with us. Half a dozen? A dozen? Our group numbered twenty-seven.
Our rep explained that he was standing in until the proper rep arrived, and took us to what was billed as a traditional Uzbek house for a traditional Uzbek dinner. Salad, soup, fruit… there was loads of it.
And then we got on the coach and set off to have a look round a mosque. And a mausoleum. And the busiest food market you ever did see. Apparently the coach couldn’t wait at the market so we took a tube train to go find it. The Uzbek tube train was frankly amazing if for no other reason than that it wasn’t that different to the one in London. I really wasn’t expecting that. It was a shame that the tube train took us to where the coach was parked at the Uzbekistan Museum of Dull Bits of Broken Pots, but there it is.
 
Having pretended to be enthralled by the broken pots we went back to the hotel. This evening we had been left to fend for ourselves for dinner, so we sat on the hotel’s verandah and had pizza and chips which we washed down with a litre of the local beer and a gin and tonic.
Whilst we’d scoffed the cleaners had been at our room. “er indoors TM wasn’t impressed. She’d not wanted anyone to clean the room as they would see it was in a “pig state sty” (to coin a phrase).
 
I took a few photos today. After yesterday’s late finish I’m feeling all in.

17 September 2024 (Tuesday) - Travelling Hopefully

In the past we’ve fannied around when going to the airport with the park and ride. This time we had a taxi collect us from home and take us there.
We got to Heathrow airport and did the standard farting about. Checking in bags, passport checks, body searches… eventually we were through and with some time to spare we went to the Prince of Wales – the pub in terminal four. “er indoors TM had fish and chips; I had the full English breakfast and a pint of Camden stout.
It wasn’t the best pint of Camden stout I’d ever had; it was a shame that the barman let slip after the meal by asking if I wanted a second pint of Guinness.
 
Pausing only briefly to get “er indoors TM a new handbag (she somehow destroyed her old one) we sat around waiting to be called, and eventually we were on the plane. It has to be said that Uzbekistan Airways put on a good show. The plane was spacious and every passenger had their own monitor on which they culd play games and watch films and music. I watched a “Ghostbusters” film. As I watched the air hostess came round with wine and with a rather good bit of dinner.
 
We took off at mid-afternoon, but what with the vagaries of time zones it was three in the morning by the time we landed. And then we started the tedious process of passports and luggage. As I watched loads of other people milling about I slipped off to one of the nearby stalls and in less than ten minutes my old mobile was running on Uzbek mobile data.
 
As the clock stormed past four am we realized we had a minor hiccup in that no rep from the travel company could be found. Eventually we found him outside the airport; it transpired that he wasn’t allowed inside the arrivals area… if only we’d been told that.
The chap told us on which coach to get, and just as I sat down so some random voice announced that she was very sorry but she had lost all her luggage and had sent her husband to find it. Commotion ensued, and then two minutes later the same voice announced that her luggage was on the coach where her husband had put it, but her husband was now off in pursuit of the luggage he’d put on the coach, and was himself now lost.
 
I took a few photos as we travelled, and with travelling done we rolled into bed as it got light at six o’clock in the morning.

16 September 2024 (Monday) - Packing

I slept like a log again last night which was something of a result. I made toast as I do and peered into the Internet as I do. Facebook suggested I might like to join a group called “Pot Smoking Atheists who like Dogs”. I didn’t join.
There wasn’t much else going on in cyberspace really. I Wordled and got it on the third go after an amazing triumph of pot luck over skill.
 
I took the dogs out for a walk. As we drove to the woods there was some program on the radio about freedom. It was one of those programs that Radio Four specializes in; so nonsensical that you find yourself listening in disbelief that such stark staring gibberish would be spouted on a national radio show. It started with some chap drivelling on about how no one is free unless they have the ability to do whatever they want. But everyone doing what they want will impinge on everyone else trying to do what they want. As is so often the way these days there was a lot of ranting about people’s rights, but very little said about people’s responsibilities. The second part of the show was given over to some Ukrainian poet who had the arse because she seemed to think that the entire Ukrainian conflict had been staged to undermine her freedom to spout bad poetry and so she had fled to England. Not for safety but so she could spout bad poetry in what she considered to be freedom.
 
We got to the woods and walked for nearly four miles. With Treacle away on her holiday I only had two dogs with me. Usually Treacle walks with me whilst the other two run about; today Bailey walked with me pretty much all the way. Do they think I need looking after?
We met several groups of dogs as we walked; the meetings mostly passed off uneventfully. But there was a minor episode with a group of cockerpoos. One of them got into a game of chase with Morgan, and after a couple of minutes Morgan got over-excited as he does. He started trying to nip the other dog. I shouted at him and threatened him with having his muzzle put on. He immediately stopped still, then slinked over to me with his ears down and looking very shamefaced.
I’m seeing that as a result.
 
We came home. I did a bit of ironing, and packed for our holiday, then prepared a gpx file. And then with less than a day to go I had a stroke of genius and spent much of the afternoon trying to get my old phone sparked up and back to life. I had this naïve idea that I might get a data only e-sim card for it. Having spent three hours charging it and updating the software and removing the apps I don’t use and updating the apps I will use, I then discovered that the thing doesn’t support e-sims.
I shall take it anyway and see if I can buy a data only sim card somewhere. Anything would be cheaper that what my mobile provider wants – two quid per megabyte.
 
“er indoors TM went bowling and I watched the last episode of Kaoswhich was rather good.
I really should have an early night – the adventure starts tomorrow.
 
And that’s me done for a little while. The next diary entry on here will (probably) appear in two weeks time. I’m off on my holidays in the morning… 

 

15 September 2024 (Sunday) - Road Trip

I slept well. Over brekkie I had my usual rummage round the Internet. On the Facebook page for my old school people were asking what happened to an old friend of mine. The chap is now a Baptist minister in the West Country; I learned that to some at school he was known as “Captain Caveman”? I don’t remember that…
There was quite the spat kicking off on an American Facebook friend’s page. She was bemoaning the amount oof shootings in America and some friend of hers was getting incredibly aggressive about the right to bear arms and the need to defend himself and his family. Admittedly it is over twenty years since I went to America but is the place really so lawless that people need at least one gun each?
And some half-wit on one of the groups I follow was getting rather aggressive about the revelation that the UK imports electricity from France. Apparently that was all supposed to have stopped with Brexit (!)
Sometimes reading what is posted on social media is more informative about the world we live in than the morning news.
 
We got ourselves organized, loaded up the car and went on a little road trip. Munzing like a thing possessed as “er indoors TM drove we went up to Enfield where “Daddies’ Little Angel TM and “Darcie WaaWaa TM are currently living. We’ve not seen them for a while, and when we met the reaction of my favourite lady spoke volumes. “Nanny!!!” she shouted. Then “BABY!!!”. Then “TREACLE-CHUG!!”. Then “MORGAN!!”. A few minutes passed as she fussed the dogs, then as an afterthought “oh, granddad”.
We went for a little walk to the playpark, then onto the round-and-round playpark where me and littlun played chase for a while before having our picnic.
We then walked on to monkey playpark. I’d not been to Enfield before. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t what I saw. The place was lovely. Well-kept estates, beautiful grassed areas, excellent playparks. It was a shame that a bunch of travellers had set up a caravan encampment on one of the greens and were abandoning all their rubbish.
 
It was so good to see two of my favourite ladies, but time was pushing on. We came home via Epping Forest where there was (and still is) a virtual geocache. We stopped and selfie-ed before getting on the motorway and heading to Sittingbourne.
We had a very good afternoon with Karl, Tracey, Jess and Charlotte. We put the world to rights, we had a very good dinner, I had three pints and a couple of G&Ts.
But again time was pushing on. Treacle seemed settled which was good. She’s staying with Karl, Tracey, Jess and Charlotte whilst we go on holiday. We said our goodbyes, and it wasn’t long before we were in the traffic jam on the M20 which was closed (for no apparent reason) for much of the way from Maidstone to Ashford… not that I noticed as I slept most of the way.
 
Morgan and Bailey are worn out from today. And so am I…

14 September 2024 (Saturday) - FTF, Dog Club, Games Night

As I peered into Facebook as I scoffed toast this morning I saw that a chap I know had posted something. His son was starting work as a trainee paramedic. I thought about commenting but it wouldn’t have gone down well.
Today marks forty-three years since I started working in blood testing. And as I start the longest holiday from work that I’ve had for years I’m wondering… Apart from one hiccup thirteen years ago it’s not been a bad old game. But it certainly wasn’t what it might have been or what I had hoped. When I packed up my previous job of general dogsbody at the Harbour Restaurant (having worked up from being a corporal dogsbody) the boss had one thing to say about going to work for the NHS. He said that I would be comfortable, and that would be the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. Looking back he was right.
Perhaps I’ll feel differently after two weeks off. Perhaps having gone part time I’m finding work is getting in the way. But after all these years I’m rather bored with it.
I sparked up Wordle and in a novel break with tradition I got it in three goes. I always start with “table” and more often than not that is a rather silly first move in that it rarely gives me anything. But today was different.
 
Just as I was rather bored and waiting to get out to Dog Club so my phone beeped. A new geocache. Did we have time to chase it? Well we were nearly ready to go out. A little diversion to our planned drive, a handy parking space, a quick rummage in a hedge and the thing was soon in my hand. First to Find too… Result.
We then drove on to Dog Club listening to Steve on the radio. And I got a “First to Get It Right” on the “Guess the Lyrics” competition as well. “I was walking down the street concentrating on trucking right”. No? Click here for the answer.
 
We got to Dog Club where we had a little experiment. The first time Morgan played up we put his muzzle on him. It stayed on for a couple of minutes and he *really* didn’t like it. For the rest of the session he was rather better behaved than he might have been. He still ran about and played, but there was none of the forceful dominance with which he so often pisses on his chips.
 
We came home. Well, me and the dogs did. “er indoors TM set off to craft club. Being left “home alone” we did what we always do when left home alone. The dogs went to sleep and I cracked on with the ironing.
 
Ironing didn’t take long, and “er indoors TM returned from craft club. We thought we’d spend a few seconds taking the garden table down. It took half an hour to work out how to collapse the thing, and there was quite a bit of blood from where it bit my finger. I then spent another half an hour rearranging the rubbish behind the shed to put the table in there. I don’t want to leave it constantly up as it has left bare patches on the lawn.
I then spent much of the rest of the afternoon fast asleep underneath a pile of dogs.
 
Steve, Sarah and Chris came round for the evening and we had a rather good session on the Infinity Table. I came second at “Game of Life”, last at “Sorry” and I amazed myself by winning “Ticket to Ride”.
 
My finger is rather sore where a lump got chopped out when we were fighting with the table earlier…

13 September 2024 (Friday) - Dog Tablets

I had another restless night. I'm getting fed up with them. I got up rather earlier than I might have done, made toast and scoffed it whilst watching an episode of "Brassic" in which Grumio was again running round in the nip. He seems to do that a lot.
 
It was rather cold as I walked out to find my car. For once I didn't have far to go to find it. I drove round to Sainsbury's petrol station to refuel. The miserable old bat was on the till again, and she was gossiping with her mate. The two of them were managing to do the tills and take the money without interacting with the customers at all as they carried on their conversation. It would seem her mate has some sort of dietary intolerance. The miserable old bat would name a food, and her mate would say how it affected her. As I listened it appeared there wasn't a single thing that didn't either bung her up solid or have her squitting through the eye of a needle (as she so eloquently put it). I'm no consultant enterologist but it strikes me that the obvious thing to do here is to take two foods with completely opposite effects and eat them together. Surely one would counteract the other?
 
As I drove up the motorway the pundits on the radio were talking about the ongoing crisis in dentistry where there is spiralling tooth decay in children.
This is strange... my teeth are crap; as a child and teenager I had filling after filling. But the fruits of my loin had much better fangs as did their generation. When they were younger there was talk of children and teenagers having no fillings at all. I can remember cubs at days out having the most healthy packed lunches. It would seem that now they've grown up they are rebelling and giving their children sugar to sprinkle on their sweets.
And there was talk about how President Putin has seriously got the arse with the Western world for giving the Ukrainians weapons. He's threatening dire repercussions if the weapons given by Western countries supposedly for use on Ukrainian soil are fired into Russia.
It just amazes me that whoever is that is handing out missiles didn't see this coming.
 
I got to work; I did my bit. As I worked I phoned the bank to tell them about next week's holiday, and to tell them not to put a stop on my credit card when they see it is being used overseas. They said they wouldn't. I told them that they said that to several friends only to go on and stop theirs.
And I phoned the vet to organise flea and worming treatments for the dogs. Flea treatments is easy enough; you just rub some jollop on the back of their necks. But getting a worming pill down a canine neck takes some doing. As I found out this evening.
 
I came home via the vets where I picked up the treatments. I popped Bailey’s tablet into a lump of cheese and she yummed it up. Morgan was also easily tricked into having his. But Treacle has seen it all before. I hid her tablet in a piece of cheese. She took the cheese, gave it one bite, spat it all out and quickly ate all the cheese leaving the tablet. I tried again and we had a repeat performance. I pinned her down and poked the tablet down her throat. She glared at me and spat it out. Eventually I tricked her by putting the tablet into a lump of cheese about the size of a golf ball which she immediately devoured before the other two could get any.
 
“er indoors TM boiled up a very good bit of dinner which we scoffed whilst watching another episode of “Race Across the World”. Our heroes were heading out of Brazil into Argentina. Maybe we might go there one day… if only it wasn’t so far away.
 
And in closing today spare a thought for Moonbase Alpha. When I was a lad there was a wonderful sci-fi show on the telly. It was set on a fictional Moonbase Alpha, and they had various adventures as the Moon travelled through space. The Moon was off on its travels having been blasted out of Earth orbit on 13 September 1999.
When I watched that show this all seemed so far into the future... it's now twenty-five years ago. I think it fair to say that the future didn't pan out quite how Gerry Anderson would have had us believe.